Today, I got into work to find our trailer missing. I checked the system to see who had been in, and saw the name I was expecting. This person has racked up a debt of $3000, run off with another $5000 from the owner, and she STILL gives in whenever he asks for something. Someone was supposed to rent it today. FML
Today, I was crossing the street and did a full on faceplant. The reason? I pinched a nerve in my foot a couple of days ago, and now it’s completely useless. It’s like walking around with a dead foot. I think I’d be better off hopping on one. FML
Today, I got a job with a filmmaking company, turned up on my first day, and now I know why I'd never heard of the company before. Porn. They were making porn, all kinds of disgusting porn. I quit so fast I was barely even there. This was the only job offer I’ve had since graduation. FML
Today, I encountered the curry issue from 'Gavin and Stacey' when we ordered a takeaway, which my mom insisted we share around the table. I only eat tikka, and had no interest in trying anyone else's, but by the time two parents and three siblings had all had a taste of mine, there was only two mouthfuls left. I'm still hungry. FML
Today, the guy I had to let go because he told me he didn’t “want a relationship or anything serious” started becoming exclusive with someone else. This is the fourth guy this has happened with. What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough to date? FML
Today, one of my best friends, someone I considered family, and whose kid I see as my nephew, picked a piece of shit dude she’s been seeing for 3 months over me. And no, I didn’t make her choose. He decided to be an ass to me and when I wasn’t OK with it, she just let him. FML
Today, I am a grown ass man and I cry when someone is slightly rude to me. I pretend to own my extreme emotional sensitivity, but when push comes to shove, I hate it. I wish I could be more assertive but I just can't. What is wrong with me? FML
Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML
Today, six weeks post-partum, I asked my husband once again to help with the chores around the house. He got upset, threw my phone at me, and said, “Stop being inconsiderate, I just got home from work! Call your mom to help you or something! Shit!” and stormed out of the house. My mom passed last year; he knows this. FML
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I got a text from my bank saying that my chequing account is below the threshold amount, and that they will have to charge me if I don’t deposit money soon. FML
Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML
Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML
Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML
Today, I spent the thirty second consecutive day in a row seeing no one but my cat. FML
Today, I felt like working out again since it’s been a while. When I was done and talking to my wife about how good I felt afterwards, my 3 year-old came and patted my stomach and said, "Baby in there, baby in there." Yes, I feel so good. FML
Today, it hit me hard that the girl I love is not still not interested after a year. She's now ghosting me, and she hangs out with my friends daily. She constantly talks about dating in front of me and only text/calls me when I post shorts/stories hanging out with other girls, just to pull me back in. FML
Today, I was let go from my job that I have been at for 6 months, all because someone from the past wants to come back, and the current office manager will be going on maternity leave. I'm just collateral damage. FML
Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML
Today, my airheaded daughter actually thinks her rich businessman boyfriend, who is a whole 20 years older than her, loves her and only her, and will obviously marry her someday. No matter how badly he mistreats her, she won’t listen to me. Man does she have a major wake up call coming… FML
Today, and for the past few months, my cat has taken to yelling at me whenever I walk into the room he's in. I have no idea what he's so bent out of shape about, and I couldn't even make a reasonable guess as to why. FML
Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML
Today, I think the only reason my mom hosts my kid's birthday, and other parties at her huge house in the country, is so she can be a complete bitch to us on the day, and if we even sound annoyed, it's, "Well, this is my home, I don't have to open it to anyone." FML
Today, I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant. I have to go in weekly for stress tests. Last night, I had a very stressful dream about leaving my 4-year-old at home alone, which stressed me out. FML
Today, like I do once a week, I put my bins out to be collected. I was woken up in the early hours by a drunk lad outside, claiming he was desperate for a waz. The sound of him pissing in my food waste bin will haunt me for the rest of my life. FML
Today, I got a new, short haircut. Now I look like my little brother who died two years ago. FML
Today, a girl told me, "You're so cute, like a monkey." I seriously don't know if it's a compliment or if I'm being insulted. FML
Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML
Today, I found out that the reason I couldn’t buy a commemorative jacket to wear at my rugby club's 50th anniversary was because the event had already happened. I paid in full for the event, and it cost me most of my savings. FML
Today, my fiancé finally was able secure a PS5, which I told him I'd get for Christmas. Due to high demand, I didn't think he'd be able to get it till next week or so. He bought it last night while I was sleeping. I have to pay my car insurance tomorrow. FML
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