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The all-time greatest FMLs

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 166

Dominion

By baby.momma2 - 26/11/2020 19:58

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 320

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 12:02 - Romania - Iasi

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 105

STOP TALKING

By Anonymous - 17/01/2023 22:00

Today, my in-laws are so much "know it all better than you" that my father-in-law started trying to convince me that he knows how much chilli I need in my soup better than I do. I had to raise my voice to almost screaming level at him to stop. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 162

Hogwatch

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 00:01

Today, I had to slowly and very seriously explain to my mother why there is no 'White History Month'. I can't believe we are actually related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 328

Misophonia

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 12:00

Today, my brother warned me he could drive me crazy without even being in the room. I didn’t believe him, so he pointed out just how loudly my girlfriend slurps anything she drinks. I honestly hadn’t noticed before, but now the slurping is all I notice, and it's driving me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 262

Ignored

By Kim - 05/05/2021 04:01

Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, "I like your shoes!" He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 162

Definitely confusing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 10:00 - United States

Today, I lost my job, neither by quitting or getting fired. I don't know whether to be mad or confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 91

Isn't there someone you forgot to ask?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 02:00

Today, I've come to the realization that my girlfriend's mini Australian Shepherd dictates everything, from a hug and kiss goodbye, to when we try to have sex. The worst part is she won't do anything about it. Looks like another night with the damn dog between us… FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 298

Daydream believer

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 17:01

Today, I apparently fell asleep during a work Zoom meeting. I awoke to no meeting on my screen and an e-mail from my boss saying I was terminated, and to do something about my "sleep apnea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 986

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 02/05/2022 02:00

Today, I realized the only way I can get hard is if my partner rubs my back and hamstrings for an unreasonable amount of time. My boyfriend thinks I’m being manipulative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 395

Got something to read?

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 10:01 - Sweden

Today, I started the first day of my job as newspaper distributor, after a year of struggling to find a job. I got stuck in an elevator for two hours very early in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 73

Get the message

By Smelly - 05/04/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. At work, at my desk, I found this beautiful gift-wrapped box and a card that read, “From all of us, we really care about you, and hope you like your present!” I opened the box. It had body shower gel, deodorant, soap, fragrance spray, and “frizz shampoo.” Hint taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 458

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 11:59 - United States - Kennebunk

Today, I told my long-distance partner that I wanted to take them on a date to the aquarium next time they're in town. They said, "That would be my first date ever!" When I asked about when we went to the zoo and dinner last week, they said it was, "the closest thing to a date" they'd had. Apparently, we're actually just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 271

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 450

Every dog has its day

By bad bad bad bad idea - 28/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 196

Sounds like the start of movie…

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I live in a college residence with 30 other girls in Ireland. One of them just got COVID, and we can't ask the landlord for much help because he just got Malaria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 92

A tale as old as time

By Di Da - 12/04/2022 12:00 - Switzerland

Today, my friends told me that my crush was hooking up with another girl. I wouldn't have taken it that bad if he hadn't flirted with me all the time, giving me false hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 192

Unfresh and unfit

By oldest young lady - 03/08/2023 04:00

Today, I have dentures, wear bifocal glasses, and was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I must be pretty old, right? Wrong. I’m 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 113

Energy crisis

By tired mama blues - 23/11/2021 01:58 - United States

Today, I used to think all those exhausted mom memes and jokes were just exaggerated bullshit. That was until I found myself struggling to stay awake during my morning poop and still drinking Red Bull on the toilet. The kids need to get ready for school, and I’m a straight up zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 329

Silver linings and all that

By JadedAsHell - 23/05/2023 06:00

Today, my fiancé of 5 years left me for classmate of his. He says he feels more chemistry and a deeper connection with her, and if he moved forward with the wedding (most of which is non-refundable), he’d be marrying the wrong person, and it “wouldn’t be fair” to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 152

No fun

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 20:01

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 220

Unboyfriendable

By Heart.Broken.Yet.Again - 01/08/2022 12:00

Today, after years of crushing on numerous straight guys, I now like a really close friend who is also gay. Too bad, he has already elaborated how perfect I am, but definitely not someone he could like or date. Seems I would have to move on yet again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 278

Take deep breath…

By paininthe*ss - 13/02/2023 00:00

Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 133

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 542

Disney 2021

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 14:01

Today, I realised that I'm kinda living the life of a Disney princess, because I'm lonely and all my friends are animals. Yes, I also talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 161

Guess she's doing fine, then

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 14:00

Today, after eight years of estrangement, I finally heard from my mother. Not that she contacted me, I just saw her in an YouTube video, in which batshit people in red hats and draped in flags were being interviewed during the "hogs gone wild" shitshow down in Florida, protesting about the FBI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 214

Spooky

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 22:00

Today, my boyfriend had a nightmare, talking in his sleep about not hurting himself anymore or "auntie Nat Nat" will put him "back in the home with the mean doctors and the sicky medicine." WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 109

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 255

Can you describe the item?

By Anonymous - 11/05/2023 22:00

Today, after I ordered a sextoy on Amazon, it’s the only cancelled order I’ve had an issue not receiving a refund with quickly. Now I may need to talk to customer service about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 376

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The Top

Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 297

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 016

You deserved it 10 164

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 035

You deserved it 2 486

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 105

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 222

You deserved it 8 076

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 607

You deserved it 5 857