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The all-time greatest FMLs

Howdy!

By Anonymous - 24/06/2023 12:00

Today, after a full year of work getting my house decorated, it was finally finished. I stepped back from the last painted wall to admire it and my neighbour on the other side of the wall, who was doing some decorating of his own, drilled too far and punched his drill bit right through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 141

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

By cynical - 05/10/2020 05:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was reading a romance story about a couple that fights, but gets back together and works out their issues. I was rooting for the breakup because I've become so cynical, I think forgiveness is weak and trust is for suckers. Yup, I'm now heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 508

I don't need a Xanny to feel better

By Paprika - 12/05/2021 04:01

Today, my psychiatrist prescribed Xanax. I thought that was a little extreme and that my anxiety wasn't bad enough for that. Within the next hour, I had 2 panic attacks. I guess I'm worse off than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 132

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 01/04/2021 02:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 318

Snail mail

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 14:00 - Germany

Today, I finished the cumbersome process to sign up and log in to my health insurance’s online office so I could reach them by email. As a reply, I got an email telling me I have a message on the website, which - after having logged in - informed me that they have replied to my inquiry. By letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 103

More money, more problems

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend of several years broke up with me because of my lack of ability to contribute financially to the life that she envisioned for herself, due to my significant contributions in child support to my ex. She wants a more equal partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 556

Escape from Hell

By BleedingEarsHungryStomach - 31/12/2022 00:00

Today, my flight home was delayed, then cancelled. I've been hiding in the bathroom for almost an hour, just to get a break from my mom's endless stream of celebrity gossip and every other thought that comes into her head, all while she cooks delicious food that I can no longer eat due to severe allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 177

RBF FML

By autistic RBF - 22/02/2023 00:00

Today, my mother screamed at me for the millionth time for “giving her a dirty look” as if I could see my own face. I’m just tired. I just wish people would pay attention to my words and not my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 129

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 289

Big bang on the horizon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 12:01

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 100

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 292

Worst roommate ever

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 09:00 - Ireland

Today I knocked on one of my roommate's door and asked her to stop vacuuming since it's was late. She started to record me and went on a tirade about how none of the girls there respect her. She has previously tried to push two girls down the stairs. Her lease isn't up for 4 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 112

Sins of the Mother

By speedster - 24/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my science teacher if he'd had my mom when she went to my high school. He took one look at me, glared, and said, "Oh yeah, I remember HER." I have that class every day the rest of the year. Thanks a lot, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 302

I could be happy

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 00:01

Today, I got my first job offer in over a year, a mere few days after being accepted to study for my dream career. My crippling depression won't allow me to enjoy any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 160

Respect

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 15:00

Today, I went to the grocery store, but once I'd filled my cart, I realized that I'd forgotten my wallet, and because I'm not the sort of animal who just dumps stuff in random aisles, I had to awkwardly put all my items back on their shelves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 209

Titanic

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 06:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I woke up to a flooded apartment. Apparently, the upstairs neighbor's bathtub had overflowed and water was pouring through my ceiling. My landlord said he couldn't do anything until the water stopped, so I spent the morning frantically trying to mop up the water while feeling completely helpless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 111

Smelly glasses for life

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 12:30 - United States

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 319

Clogged

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 00:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 118

Carl Tuckson

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 20:04

Today, and until today, I'd never met anyone who took Tucker Carlson's bullshit seriously. Then, tonight, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I managed to bite my tongue, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 337

Growing pains

By mirie - 20/05/2021 08:01

Today, it occurred to me that it’s not normal that I still fit into all my clothes from when I was in high school. I’m 24 and I haven’t outgrown any of my clothes since I was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 169

Life is pain

By pussy - 21/04/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 256

Cujo

By Cat person - 15/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, I have cynophobia. My dog-loving friend refuses to acknowledge that it's real. Her dogs are vicious and mean, and she believes it is cruel to muzzle them. Not to mention they're almost the size of me, and I'm 6'2 and 220lbs. This is literally why I have cynophobia in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 297

Genetic test

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 02:00

Today, it's not fair: I’ve seen my twin brother drink 2 full bottles of whiskey without getting more than tipsy, then go to work the next day completely fine on only 2 hours sleep, meanwhile I get completely trashed if I have more than 3 normal pints and take days to recover from the hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 340

This boils my piss

By Boil Man - 01/12/2022 02:00

Today, I found out it's not normal to constantly develop boils in the same general areas. Some of those areas include: My neck, my abdomen, my forearm, my forehead, right next to my eyes, right below my armpit, right next to my genitals, and even directly on my penis. I want to rip my skin off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 122

Guns don't kill people, rappers do

By guns save lives, so does gun safety - 03/02/2023 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called me an "obsessive weirdo" for always checking the chamber on my handgun whenever I pick it up. The last time I let her touch it, she mishandled it and shot a hole in the floor. Glad she's learned her lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 291

Thinning

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 11:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I've lost so much weight from depression that I don't fit into women's clothing anymore. There's nothing like trying to find dress pants in the kids section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 136

Leftovers

By anon - 16/11/2022 18:00

Today, I went back to work after a nasty sinus infection. While I was talking to my manager, I sniffled, and a huge ropy string of green snot popped out of my nose. My manager pointed and shrieked, "OH MY GOD! EWWWW!", getting the attention of everyone in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 239

Tight fit

By Anonymous - 25/07/2022 00:01

Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 178

Mid-life crisis

By Glenn - 08/04/2023 18:00

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend because we’re not on the same page. He doesn’t want to get married or have kids because he “wants to enjoy his youth” and “you’re only young once, don’t waste it!” He’s 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 231

Dazed and confused

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, our dog is old and deaf, and has figured out she just needs to bark if she needs to be let inside. Unfortunately, she's also a bit senile, so sometimes she just barks for no reason, while lying still and quite comfortably on her dog bed, staring at nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 226

You deserved it 12 111

Today, my contact split completely in half at a wedding. Not only did I interrupt the vows with my scream of pain, but I was only able to fish out half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 298

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 1 180

Today, my girl called me a "brainless, insensitive prick" Why? Because I wanted to surprise her with flowers since she’s been on vacation for 3 weeks and I hadn’t seen her. She was badly sunburned. I’d bought sunflowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 121

Today, and every time go I to the gym this guy follows me. A week ago, I saw him taking photos of me, so I left that gym and went to another one, but the creep was still there. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 129

Today, I went to the bathroom and thought, "Huh, why are there urinals in the girls' bathroom?", but I went into a stall, did my business, and left. There was no one around and when I walked past the bathroom again, there was a boys' bathroom sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 428