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That first season is a banger though…

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 16:00

Today, I learned that my friend really can't be trusted to set up a party by herself. The only food she provided was tap water, a single sleeve of saltines, and Kraft singles. The only entertainment was Checkers and the first season of Frasier on DVD. We all pooled $250 for her to do this! What the hell happened!? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 190

Good grief

By Lottie - 04/07/2022 04:00

Today, my boss called me a liar and untrustworthy. Why? Yesterday I went home to grieve, after finding out my father figure is in hospice, but because he's just in hospice and not actually dead yet, that somehow means I lied about his death to get a day off work. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 201

Coinkydink? I think not

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 20:00

Today, my husband and I ran into his high school girlfriend at the mall. We were catching up and my husband told her that we have a daughter. She asked what our daughter's name, but my husband hesitated and tried to change the subject, so I told her it was Juniper. That was her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 141

World's best babysitter

By KarinaO - 22/06/2021 22:01

Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 274

C'mon Kids

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé walked out on me saying he loved me dearly, but not enough to continue parenting my three kids from my previous marriage because they hate him, he now hates them, and they’re not his problem to continue dealing with. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 776

Jittery

By ScaredDude - 19/05/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 2 036

Winning

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 00:01

Today, my mom has a new boyfriend. She insists he’s a good catch, because he makes enough from unemployment to afford Netflix and smoke weed every day, never mind that he doesn’t have a car, or a home of his own, or his original teeth, or underpants without holes in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 95

Inflation

By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 02:00

Today, despite house prices in my area being the highest they've been in ten years, my mother insists that the reason I can't afford one is not due to insane inflation, but because I'm single. She also seems to conveniently forget that she was a large contributing factor to the end of my last relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 150

Repressed

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 22:00

Today, my mother-in-law keeps making fun of how I've "never seen any cool movies." I grew up in severe social isolation/constant physical abuse, and have memory loss from age 13 and below as a result. I've seen them, I just can't remember them, but she refuses to believe it, so I'll never hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 107

Spooky

By Jason McNeely_1073215947 - 28/12/2021 01:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me by simply "ghosting" me. We're both in our late thirties. I thought she was more grown up than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 125

Let's goooooo

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 12:00

Today, my 9-year-old son decided honesty is the best policy and to never lie again. And by that, I mean he's decided to go ahead and blurt out every mean comment he can think of. In one school day, he made 6 kids cry, was punched by 4 other kids, was reprimanded by 3 teachers, and was uninvited to a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 225

Kinda sus

By Forgotten - 27/01/2023 02:30

Today, I found out my boyfriend went to a “Lovers New Year's Eve” party. I didn’t go. He told me he had to “work” that night and couldn’t spend time with me. When I confronted him about it, he told me he “forgot” to tell me and it was “a last minute thing.” We’ve been dating for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 160

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 11/09/2022 12:30 - Belgium

Today, after I'd left my former job because of burnout for another job, where they'd said handling call time wasn't important, my new employer demands to fill in every day during the week how much time I spent on each task and calls, bathroom or coffee breaks, as "waste-time", and we need to fill in how much time we "wasted" pissing or shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 148

Fantasy

By But I wanna - 15/05/2023 23:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, despite being married and renting my own apartment, I can't fulfil my teenage dream of slamming my wife on the sofa and pounding her like cheap mince, all because it would apparently "defile the sofa for the children." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 436

By MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 3 975

Classic

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend introduced me as a friend to one of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 139

Bullying ain't cool, guys

By FatAndSingle - 17/10/2022 16:00

Today, on my 30th birthday, my mom, aunt, and sister staged an intervention instead of throwing a party. Apparently I’m “ruining my life” by being 300lbs and being "single for 5 years" and I need to “get my act together.” They treated me like I’m some sort of criminal and reduced me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 840

Ninja skills

By Anonymous - 28/08/2022 22:00

Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 137

The Reid technique

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 00:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 148

Cigarettes or…?

By xander - 18/01/2022 01:59 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I learned that my mother almost did a perfect job being a parent when I was a baby. She was clean during the 9 month period I was in the womb. Unfortunately, she stopped right after giving birth to me, celebrated, and started smoking again. I was breastfed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 198

Batman

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 23:00

Today, at work, someone found a bat indoors. I offered my help. They shouted, "Let someone with the right expertise do it." I volunteer as a bat carer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 137

Friend request

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 16:57

Today, I saw a man begging for change downtown. I offered to buy him a meal, just to help him out with food. He said, "Sure, does Friday work?" I told him that I didn't mean it like that. Three hours later, he found me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 198

Stress level: 2020

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 89

Overreaction much?

By brokenglass - 24/03/2021 21:30

Today, while bringing my grandmother some water, I tripped, dropping and shattering the glass. Infuriated, she explained to me that the glass was worth more than I am and ordered me out of her house for good. I live there. I was also with her when she bought the glass. $10 for a set of 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 84

Growing old

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I'm officially stumped as to whether my mom has early-onset dementia, or if she just has plain bad memory. I've considered having her get tested, but I shudder to think that the person who brought me into this world won't recognize me in about two years if I'm right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 126

Get it on

By Anon - 13/07/2023 00:02

Today, my girlfriend raged furiously at me for never initiating sex. The reason I haven't been initiating is because she was on a medically-ordered sex ban, and she "forgot to tell me" that her doctor had cleared her two weeks ago. She's still mad at me, and there's still no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 176

Mystery

By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 236

Crashtony Cartano here

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 23:03

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 164

Hard times

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 23:00 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, after 3 days of insomnia, I was able to finally fall asleep, just for there to be a fire in the apartment building about 15 minutes later. My mom called me selfish for waking her up in the middle of the night to ask if I could stay with her, and told me I better not rent a hotel room with the money I owe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 120

Bad day

By gwen - 13/04/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I found out I have Covid. Also, the police kicked me out of the hotel I'm quarantining in. This is still not my worst birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 410

You deserved it 5 246

Today, on my first day driving a hearse, I took a wrong turn and of course every car behind followed me. Out of pure habit I had turned right into the main street as though I was driving home, when I should've turned left. At least my wife got to see me from the window as I drove past the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 359

Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 981

You deserved it 203

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 165

You deserved it 5 600

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 211

Today, I planned to propose to my girlfriend in front of her family at dinner. I had the ring ready and got down on one knee. She immediately burst into laughter and said, "Are you kidding?" The family stared in silence, and I quickly realised she was just teasing me... until I stood up and knocked over an entire table of drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 130