By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 03:31 - India - Bangalore

Don't hate the player…

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who insisted that I go with him to his friend's house party to meet people and socialize, as I'm new to the city. When I got there, I realised he had invited two other girls as his date as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

915

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Late term

Age ain't nothing but a number

By My mother-in-law is a Covidiot - 20/4/2021 20:00

These people never learn

Today, I'm at my mother-in-law's funeral, who died of Covid-19. Months before catching the virus, she would claim that, "the entire Covid thang is bullshit" and "people are just behaving like f****ts over a simple flu." FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29083

You deserved it

4181

Tweet

Share

By awkwardology - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43794

You deserved it

3441

Tweet

Share

By toughlove - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43913

You deserved it

2616

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

274696

You deserved it

87966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16590

You deserved it

62154

Tweet

Share

By ThaBoss12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38657

You deserved it

3509

Tweet

Share

By Preggers

Such a helpful kitty!

Today, my cat has taken it upon herself to provide for the heavily pregnant lady. So far I've been presented with a mouse and 3 birds. I know they're for me because she meows until I see them, then walks away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5253

You deserved it

648

Tweet

Share

By QuestionMyLife - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27356

You deserved it

13376

Tweet

Share

By username - 6/6/2020 08:04

Keep out

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1277

You deserved it

317

Tweet

Share

By Asl94 - 16/1/2021 05:01

Are you calling me a fatass?

Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

693

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Strange metric

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

205

You deserved it

1379

Tweet

Share

By atang - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55799

You deserved it

11431

Tweet

Share

By CA - Norway

Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23498

You deserved it

1605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Aspley

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19300

You deserved it

3367

Tweet

Share

By TheSickness - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15159

You deserved it

59120

Tweet

Share

By SetoAyumi - United States

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37443

You deserved it

3359

Tweet

Share

By Julia - New Zealand

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10739

You deserved it

38167

Tweet

Share

By Chemist-why - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31461

You deserved it

8832

Tweet

Share

By ???

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8655

You deserved it

467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44689

You deserved it

6811

Tweet

Share

By no good deed - 23/7/2020 20:02

It's the thought that counts

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1401

You deserved it

210

Tweet

Share

By nofriends - Japan

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55254

You deserved it

15010

Tweet

Share

By kewtness_17 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32463

You deserved it

12136

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50752

You deserved it

13826

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29670

You deserved it

3738

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

266739

You deserved it

28446

Tweet

Share

By CODgirl102 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49024

You deserved it

4397

Tweet

Share

By joeidk - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31447

You deserved it

41512

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93264

You deserved it

34786

Tweet

Share

By Taylor - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28274

You deserved it

3714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after driving a few hours late at night I decided to entertain the car tailgating me by not letting him pass. After doing this for 3miles, reaching 93MPH, I decided to let the car pass me. When I switched lanes, the car tailgating me light up in red and blue. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12159

You deserved it

96954

Tweet

Share

By BugDTV - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2818

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By fmljae

Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10792

You deserved it

30703

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38106

You deserved it

2785

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36586

You deserved it

20781

Tweet

Share

By Justcan'twin

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2475

You deserved it

279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52532

You deserved it

4547

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Elkhart

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33827

You deserved it

3111

Tweet

Share

By meish - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13403

You deserved it

965

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7953962 - Tuesday 24 November 2020 2:09

Was he expecting a foursome or a girl fight to crown a winner (or loser, as the case may be)?

By Brightside86 | 23

#7953967 - Tuesday 24 November 2020 3:26

Good to hear Tom Haverford is alive and well.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7953962 - Tuesday 24 November 2020 2:09

Was he expecting a foursome or a girl fight to crown a winner (or loser, as the case may be)?

Reply

lev | 11

#7954170 - Wednesday 25 November 2020 6:56

fivesome. you forgot to count the friend. (unless it was an "asking for a friend" kind of friend.)

By Brightside86 | 23

#7953967 - Tuesday 24 November 2020 3:26

Good to hear Tom Haverford is alive and well.

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7954068 - Tuesday 24 November 2020 15:58

I hope the 3 girls all left and went somewhere else and had a great time!

By Wadlaen | 21

#7954141 - Tuesday 24 November 2020 23:57

So, did he get the action he was expecting for the night..?

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7954293 - Wednesday 25 November 2020 16:24

that's where you befriend the other girls then you all ditched the guy and became best friends.. right?!