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The all-time greatest FMLs

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 375

Never try this at home

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 144

This is us

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 17:04

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 2 948

Family traditions

By Anonymous - 22/08/2022 02:00

Today, according to my dad, I’m not a real man because I didn’t spend my 21st birthday alone in the mountains, hunting to feed myself and building my own survival shelter like he did and his father did. Well sorry dad, you raised me in a city miles from any mountains FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 144

Going too fast

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 12:00

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married and have kids soon. She had a fit. Apparently it's creepy and freakish for a man to want a family, and it means I'm secretly a crazy religious fundamentalist. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 164

Looking good grief

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 23:01

Today, I was at a grocery store buying ice cream after the tragedy of losing my grandma. When I got to the cash register, the cashier saw the sadness in my eyes and said, "It's OK, you'll find the one someday, one that can look at your inner beauty and not care about the rest." He thought I'd got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 178

Attraction

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I realized I'm extremely sexually attracted to my physical therapist. It doesn't help that treatment involves me spending the entire appointment naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 167

Indoctrination

By pikimin - 10/10/2022 13:00

Today, one of my Economics students in all seriousness turned in a research paper about the 2021 Supply Chain Crisis, saying that Joe Biden is at fault and that "liberals who put feelings over policy" are to blame. He used sources such as the Daily Mail and even cited a YouTube video by Ben Shapiro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 518

Power tripping

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 02:00

Today, I got my projects printed and spiral bound, only to get a text from my teacher 30 minutes later that everything must be in black and white. I paid extra money to have them in colour. When I asked her if colour was okay, she said, "I never asked for colour and I want it in black and white for everyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 287

By Blie - 04/09/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 4 247

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 05:03 - United States

Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 119

Why? What? Where? When?

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 15:00 - United States - Bremerton

Today, my fiancée of 4 years decided she can't live with me anymore. She never gave a reason, just upped and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 212

Worst sniper ever

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 19:59

Today, I had to ban my teenage son from taking his phone into the bathroom, not because he looks at porn, but because he’s so engrossed in the screen, he doesn’t aim while he pees all over the seat and sometimes the floor, without cleaning it up. He’s not incapable, just fucking lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 196

That's what a druggie would claim

By Chris Bores - 20/11/2020 08:03 - United States - Prince Frederick

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screening for my job. It was also over two years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 81

Moving day, grandma

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 14:05 - United States

Today, after my daughter fell in love with a city I didn't want to move to and I caved to make her happy, after a year of which she got engaged at the age of 18 and moved with her fiancé back to his hometown not far from where we moved from, she called to tell me she's pregnant and my first grandchild will be hundreds of miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 508

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 03:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who insisted that I go with him to his friend's house party to meet people and socialize, as I'm new to the city. When I got there, I realised he had invited two other girls as his date as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 164

The 5%

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 10:00

Today, my office has decided to make our working from home a permanent thing for 95% of our staff so they can rent a much smaller office space. Guess who’s one of the 5% who has to drag himself out of bed, just to be a warm body at the office in case something comes up requiring a man on site… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 145

Assman

By Panda_bruh96 - 12/11/2021 05:00

Today, I love my boyfriend just as I always have, but I'm realizing I don't know if we'll last because he's an angry drunk. He drinks frequently, and I've talked to him about it, only to be met with, "I'm a grown ass man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 236

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 165

Contagion

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 112

Mummy's boy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend's mum said she won't stop us from seeing each other, yet she'll only allow me to see him for 30 minutes a day, for 2 days a week, and gets mad if he sees me for any longer, because "mother knows best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 140

Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 14:00

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 360

Stalked

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 01:00 - United States - New York

Today, I'm currently being stalked/harassed by my narcissistic ex's new baby mama. She's trying to get me fired from my new job for taking her man, when in reality I want nothing to do with him. The fact that she has taken my baby's name and named their daughter it, is freaking me out. She has people find me everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 157

For the union makes us strong

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 20:06 - United States - Orange

Today, I found out that the owner of my workplace hasn't been paying any of the bills and that all 10 people on my crew and I will be losing our jobs in a matter of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 61

Lockdown fashion

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 18:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my partner got a lockdown haircut. He now has a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 213

Roommate from hell

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:57 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 174

Golden child

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, my mom, dad, and little brother all adore my boyfriend, and treat him like a son. When he’s here, he gets more family love than I do. I’ve wanted to dump him for weeks because we’re really not working out, but I know that if I do my entire family will pitch a fit, and bug me to take him back FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 238

Bad omen

By DefiantBaka - 21/05/2022 08:00 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I found out the man I have a date with next week is married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 122

Tantrum

By SmackAB - 19/04/2022 22:00

Today, I had a great idea for a group project at work, so I shared it with my team and my supervisor. They seemed to like it very much, except one guy in our group, who outranks me and who threw a massive temper tantrum because, “I didn't consult him first before sharing it.” This big baby makes 3 times my income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 101

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 19:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after I got sick, ended up in the hospital, and primary doctor put me on medical leave, I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 95

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The Top

The Top

Today, I learned that you should never ask your 11 year-old daughter to read a text for you while you’re driving. She read a text from a girl I had a one-night stand with on New Year's Eve, demanding why I never called her again. Yes, my wife was also in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 5 650

Today, I woke up with a bad headache yet again. I've tried changing pillows, mattresses, lifestyle changes, gotten massages, been to different doctors, gotten MRIs, been to a chiropractor and theaphysio. The only thing that worked was the physio, but my circumstances changed and I can no longer afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 90

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 591

You deserved it 14 115

Today, I found out my roommate was exposed to COVID back on New Year's. She tested positive on the 4th and was scared too tell me because she, "didn't want me to see her as irresponsible." Now I can't work for 2 weeks and need to find a place to stay because my roommate still doesn't think it's "that serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 199

Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 364

You deserved it 657

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 779

You deserved it 1 895