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The all-time greatest FMLs

How could you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 16:00

Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 179

You OK mom?

By today - 09/09/2021 12:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 151

Who sharpens screwdrivers?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 14:01

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 121

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Today, I was mistaken for an employee at my grandmother's funeral. There were only twelve of us there, all family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 79

Gastropod scandal

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 04:00

Today, one of my aquatic snails banged my other aquatic snail til they both died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 170

Pull yourself together

By Worthless - 15/12/2022 09:00

Today, the guy I thought I was gonna marry left me for another woman. I want to jump off my apartment building, but I’m too much of a wimp to even do it. Now, I get to live the rest of my life wallowing in sadness, while he gives his new girl the happiness I once had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 304

Naughty boy

By wisp - 18/05/2021 10:59

Today, my father called me cruel and heartless. Why? Because while I was at school, our dogs opened the door to my room and managed to shut themselves inside all day without food or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 91

DGAF nursing

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 17:00

Today, my patient was ready to tip over, so I called out for help, but the other nurse didn't even look up from her computer. A tech had to rush over from the end of the room. Is it bad that I wanted to tell the nurse she needs to effing retire? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 108

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I’m at home, sick with a really bad sinus and ear infection. If I'd gone to the clinic earlier, then it wouldn’t have spread to my ears, but my boss wouldn’t let me take a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 148

Opposites attract

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 14:01

Today, and in the past few weeks, my new girlfriend revealed she doesn’t think COVID is real, the vaccine is a government tracking chip, thinks Scientology makes sense, global warming is a ruse, poor people are poor because they’re lazy… Oh and she always votes Conservative. Boy, can I pick em. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 607

Surprise indeed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 00:00

Today, to surprise my boss who promoted me within the first two months of my new job, I offered to take him and a couple of coworkers out to eat. We had one minor inconvenience: my bank card declined. I was 200$ in the negative. Apparently my wife decided to take the kids winter clothes shopping. It’s fucking April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 253

Better off

By Elliz - 04/09/2022 02:00

Today, I was stalking my ex-husband’s Facebook. He looks so happy with his new, supermodel-perfect girlfriend who he left me for. She’s everything I’m not. I kinda regret giving birth to two kids and my body changing forever. He’d still be with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 642