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OP here... thanks for the comments! My fiancé did essentially tell her to shove it. She did apologize (after missing his masters graduation), and he still hasn’t quite forgiven her. As for what this means for the future... luckily, my fiancé is NOT a mamas boy in the least, and is happy seeing her once or twice a year. He, my mother, and I have a bet going on what sets her off next. Personally, my money is on the day she realizes we aren’t giving her grandkids.

Ouch

By Cindy1897 - 27/08/2017 20:00

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 718

You deserved it 286

By Justkillme - 15/11/2018 03:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 718

You deserved it 452

When you lie on your resume to get the job

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect, other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 716

You deserved it 467

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 21/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 716

You deserved it 528

Saboteur!

By Juancames3 - 23/05/2018 01:30

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 714

You deserved it 724

By Cultus - 05/06/2018 19:00

Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 712

You deserved it 193

Philosophical

By Too available to be sexy - 04/05/2019 20:00

Today, during foreplay, my husband asked if I found him sexually attractive. When I asked him back, after a yes, he was silent for two minutes then went into a ten-minute philosophical discussion on the nature of attractiveness. He would find me more attractive if I wasn't his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 712

You deserved it 332

Superficial

By toolateabuckshort - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found my high school crush on Facebook. He asked me out. Too bad he's fat and bald now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 2 418

By Datingdisaster - 17/08/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 709

You deserved it 298

By Alin - 13/09/2018 14:30

Today, I slept alone again in bed. After travelling 15000 km across the world to be with my long-distance husband, he has refused to kiss or hug me in the week I've been here. I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 708

You deserved it 427

By The Dishwasher - 07/06/2017 15:00 - Canada - Guelph

Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 708

You deserved it 1 126

By aeris - 11/11/2018 09:30 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 708

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 03/06/2018 12:00 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 542

By Liz - 30/04/2017 21:00 - Colombia - Bucaramanga

Today, I sent a message to my boyfriend saying that I missed him and love him very much. When I received a response, saying that he loved me and missed me too, I noticed that I had accidentally texted my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 5 303

Welcome home

By SendHelpAndBleach - 15/06/2018 05:00

Today, I decided to surprise my parents who I haven’t seen in a while. They weren’t home, but I still have a key so I let myself in. When I went to my old room to put down my bags, I was greeted by a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 706

You deserved it 1 601

Official meeting

By Anonymous - 03/01/2020 18:33

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 705

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 06:00

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel anything when I'm cumming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 705

You deserved it 13 000

By Momo8612 - 21/04/2017 12:00

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel two hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 207

By Tooth Fairy - 25/05/2018 16:00 - United States - Hays

Today, I broke a tooth. It’s Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can’t drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it’s going to be a long weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 702

You deserved it 276

By loser - 20/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 700

You deserved it 642

By rubberduck_of_doom - 09/03/2018 19:00

Today, after months of begging, I finally convinced my friends to go skiing with me. On our first run I suggested a race. Everybody loved the idea. Good news: I came in first. Bad news: I tore a ligament in my knee. It will be operated on tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 700

You deserved it 1 071

By Puggle1019 - 17/07/2018 20:30

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 700

You deserved it 270

DOA

By Nasu Johi - 06/09/2018 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 700

You deserved it 201

If only…

By ActuallyDoneFor - 10/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how two girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend said, "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he'd just said, he hesitantly added, "…if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 699

You deserved it 497

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 560

You deserved it 8 109

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 592

You deserved it 3 379

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 151

You deserved it 6 528

Today, I helped my orchestra teacher out and played with a double quartet for a faculty meeting. When it came time to introduce us, he called out the names of the seven other students and then admitted in front of everyone that he'd forgotten my name. I've been one of his top students for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 629

You deserved it 879

Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 970

Today, I received a call from a top-rated university accepting me into the program of my dreams to begin my ultimate career. Two weeks ago, I accepted a permanent, full time and legally-binding job position in my depressive hometown because the school had previously rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 145