Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of....

By Kurda - 23/5/2015 02:26 - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

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27430

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2739

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Miscellaneous

They're everywhere

Not gonna happen

Spooky

By ohtheirony - 10/12/2015 19:49 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

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22952

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By nikaea - 23/5/2014 22:44 - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

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47768

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By (L) - 13/2/2018 09:00 - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2726

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By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/8/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

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50909

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28344

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By Zodiacfall - 27/10/2019 02:00

Precision strike

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1491

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217

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By unlucky - 11/12/2014 13:26 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15299

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By Noname - 8/3/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

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60585

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1599

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383

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By WeldedShut - 3/3/2017 18:00

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

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3740

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2019 00:01

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1726

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135

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2016 03:42 - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

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17556

You deserved it

1667

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By happysingleone - 20/12/2016 07:37

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8814

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1080

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By snoozerlooser - 25/12/2010 00:00 - Canada

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

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40282

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

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36327

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By jake - 13/9/2011 20:13 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were on a romantic dinner for two, I tried pulling out the chair for her. She fell. FML

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28890

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By truckstopworker - 27/4/2017 02:00

Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4699

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317

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By Anon - 25/5/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35850

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By thatguy - 21/12/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9531

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By cuppincake - 15/1/2010 07:51 - Australia

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

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47091

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By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

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51657

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2018 15:00

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

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4879

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229

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By Ballhugger - 6/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

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29412

You deserved it

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By pissed - 7/7/2016 18:39

Today, I got offered an interview for a job after months of unemployment. It's a 3-month contract 3 hours away from where we live. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell me to move out and take our hamster with me. FML

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14772

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By BigHelp - 8/7/2015 00:52 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

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21917

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 17:11

Get rid of the evidence!

Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1522

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128

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By mrssagdiyev - 5/3/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36446

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By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

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30885

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By gracie511 - 29/1/2019 12:00

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

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2475

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487

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By Chandra - 12/5/2019 10:00 - Canada - Brampton

Thank God it's Monday tomorrow

Today, I had to pee at work. I ended up using all the toilet paper. When I opened the door to leave, a dude was waiting to use the washroom. I told him there was no more toilet paper. He goes, “You finished all of it?” I panicked and said, “No, I didn’t use any!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

555

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By gross - 6/8/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

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23724

You deserved it

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By nothowtheydoitinalabama - 22/2/2012 03:43 - United States

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29410

You deserved it

3676

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By Julieworld - 24/4/2020 08:00

Recycling helps

Today, I was able to find the Facebook profile of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, for whom he left me for. I had been curious about who she was, and when I zoomed in on her profile pic of them together, I noticed she was wearing the ring he'd got me for Christmas and that I'd given back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

711

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By Stinkbomber - 24/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5795

You deserved it

449

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By m?? - 10/10/2019 04:00

Mansplaining 101

Today, as always, my boyfriend is better than me at everything, including skills that I have years of experience with, while he has none. FML

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1544

You deserved it

405

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38594

You deserved it

2675

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By justin - 13/12/2013 03:08 - United States - Waco

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52629

You deserved it

3390

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2019 14:00

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1742

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421

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By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

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45198

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By DamnDogs - 5/3/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

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Top comments

By amberr_harperr | 15

#6299227 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:37

Just imagine the pain it went through. Death by suffocation of boob.

By chocolatelover96 | 14

#6299229 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

At least the bug died happy OP :)

COMMENTS

By amberr_harperr | 15

#6299227 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:37

Just imagine the pain it went through. Death by suffocation of boob.

Dingodile_fml | 11

#6299241 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:42

I could think of worse ways to die ;)

mohamed_H | 21

#6299249 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:50

Bug: totally worth it ?

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6299325 - Saturday 23 May 2015 21:36

Maybe it wasn't suffocated. It may have drowned in boob sweat.

shadowshalf | 8

#6299355 - Saturday 23 May 2015 22:37

1000 ways to die

XxxMiseryxxX_fml | 10

#6299433 - Sunday 24 May 2015 0:15

That's how I want to die

Gillett | 23

#6299551 - Sunday 24 May 2015 2:20

Yes#55, Yes!

JohnYio | 6

#6301620 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 2:54

There's a malay ghost that does that

By becauseracecar | 3

#6299228 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

Best way to die

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6299851 - Sunday 24 May 2015 9:07

Dying right now because this FML was stolen... -_-

funkypenguin | 7

#6301130 - Monday 25 May 2015 17:55

Breast way to die*

By chocolatelover96 | 14

#6299229 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

At least the bug died happy OP :)

shemademedoit | 20

#6300918 - Monday 25 May 2015 11:59

her boobs must be numb if she didn't felt the bug

chocolatelover96 | 14

#6301106 - Monday 25 May 2015 17:10

#97, as a woman, trust me when I say that we can go hours without realising something has fallen into our cleavage. I had a similar experience with a small spider

By Thomas_The_Dank | 6

#6299230 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

At least he went peacefully :p

By joelp232 | 17

#6299231 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

possibly the best way to die

e_is_for_eli | 12

#6299357 - Saturday 23 May 2015 22:39

it's the breast way to die

By WafflePunch | 11

#6299232 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:39

Not the worst way to go.

By WCARlover | 34

#6299233 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:39

Apparently boobs can be used as weapons two ways

MrConcise | 34

#6299340 - Saturday 23 May 2015 22:19

Austin Powers begs to differ, racking up the count to three with boobie machine guns.

MrConcise | 34

#6300026 - Sunday 24 May 2015 15:53

I'm so disappointed nobody caught the rack pun. Or maybe they did and it wasn't as clever as I thought.

Nagas | 4

#6300280 - Sunday 24 May 2015 19:44

Was about to say about the rack pun, and saw your other comment. It's pretty groovy

By ber4fun | 23

#6299234 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:40

Better a warm boob than a hard shoe.

By Yolomcswaggin420 | 17

#6299235 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:40

Well I guess that's what you call a flat out coincidence

By Zebediabolical | 37

#6299236 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:40

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

DFMLharsh | 20

#6299273 - Saturday 23 May 2015 20:09

Logically, the bug would want to be breast-fed. The bug was hungry and wanted to breast-feed is just wrong my friend.
Kindly roll over in shame, please.

Zebediabolical | 37

#6299385 - Saturday 23 May 2015 23:36

Being breast-fed implies the mother would be willing to have a bug on her nipple. Wanting to breast-feed doesn't need to be consensual. As in the case of a bug. As such, I stand by my original statement.

johhnyboy39 | 11

#6300665 - Monday 25 May 2015 4:08

It's a bug it doesn't breast feed since it's not a mammal