Miscellaneous: Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of....

By Kurda - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

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27442

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Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Spy vs. Spy

Nice try

By jsyn - United States - East Hampton

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48003

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

It's a cult

Today, I found out via Facebook that my once-favourite aunt has fully bought into the QAnon bullshit about the "stolen" US election, bible quotes and all. We live in the UK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

847

You deserved it

142

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13078

You deserved it

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By dumbdad - United States

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29513

You deserved it

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Handjob

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2816

You deserved it

854

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By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35093

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26379

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By thanks.... - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41123

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2020 14:00

How to make a sociopath

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

135

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By so romantic - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43625

You deserved it

3504

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By ollie

Today, I spent 30 minutes listening to my crush complain about a stalker that's been sending her flowers and love poems almost every week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1773

You deserved it

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By slightlyslow - United States

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24551

You deserved it

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By anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11101

You deserved it

2305

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By Anonymous - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15417

You deserved it

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By WTTFFFF - United States - Tecumseh

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51710

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26409

You deserved it

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By Not really

Happy birthday?

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3265

You deserved it

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By Noob - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4690

You deserved it

431

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By pistonsunshine - United States

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44695

You deserved it

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By baller - Australia

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16948

You deserved it

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By HttpsHaileyy - United States

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27707

You deserved it

9545

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By _dopey_ - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63891

You deserved it

7789

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By ToxicSuicide - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34785

You deserved it

2934

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By mommysgirlapparently - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27660

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8026

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By poop towel - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37494

You deserved it

2223

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By so much for romance - United States - Queensbury

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31602

You deserved it

4720

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By Anonymous - United States - Saugus

Today, my boyfriend found a movie he loved on Netflix. He was so excited to show it to me and was certain I'd love it. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I really thought of White Chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40621

You deserved it

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By b3ardown23 - United States

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30591

You deserved it

2815

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By nali1122

Burned!

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

564

You deserved it

2478

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30038

You deserved it

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By klaatu barada nikto - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33139

You deserved it

2676

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By NormtheNorm - United States - Enterprise

Bipartisan spirit

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2253

You deserved it

332

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By babydoll13211 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked. Then said "You know he can't swim right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

9293

You deserved it

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By witt75 - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27671

You deserved it

6218

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By dry spell - United States - Belfair

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47153

You deserved it

4772

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By Dancing King - Norway - Egersund

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29329

You deserved it

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By dasbooot - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87586

You deserved it

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By Eleanor - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6748

You deserved it

597

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38478

You deserved it

4243

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By stoych - United Kingdom

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

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29979

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Top comments

By amberr_harperr | 15

#6299227 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:37

Just imagine the pain it went through. Death by suffocation of boob.

By chocolatelover96 | 14

#6299229 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

At least the bug died happy OP :)

COMMENTS

By amberr_harperr | 15

#6299227 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:37

Just imagine the pain it went through. Death by suffocation of boob.

Dingodile_fml | 11

#6299241 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:42

I could think of worse ways to die ;)

mohamed_H | 21

#6299249 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:50

Bug: totally worth it ?

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6299325 - Saturday 23 May 2015 21:36

Maybe it wasn't suffocated. It may have drowned in boob sweat.

shadowshalf | 8

#6299355 - Saturday 23 May 2015 22:37

1000 ways to die

XxxMiseryxxX_fml | 10

#6299433 - Sunday 24 May 2015 0:15

That's how I want to die

Gillett | 23

#6299551 - Sunday 24 May 2015 2:20

Yes#55, Yes!

JohnYio | 6

#6301620 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 2:54

There's a malay ghost that does that

By becauseracecar | 3

#6299228 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

Best way to die

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6299851 - Sunday 24 May 2015 9:07

Dying right now because this FML was stolen... -_-

funkypenguin | 7

#6301130 - Monday 25 May 2015 17:55

Breast way to die*

By chocolatelover96 | 14

#6299229 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

At least the bug died happy OP :)

shemademedoit | 20

#6300918 - Monday 25 May 2015 11:59

her boobs must be numb if she didn't felt the bug

chocolatelover96 | 14

#6301106 - Monday 25 May 2015 17:10

#97, as a woman, trust me when I say that we can go hours without realising something has fallen into our cleavage. I had a similar experience with a small spider

By Thomas_The_Dank | 6

#6299230 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

At least he went peacefully :p

By joelp232 | 17

#6299231 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:38

possibly the best way to die

e_is_for_eli | 12

#6299357 - Saturday 23 May 2015 22:39

it's the breast way to die

By WafflePunch | 11

#6299232 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:39

Not the worst way to go.

By WCARlover | 34

#6299233 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:39

Apparently boobs can be used as weapons two ways

MrConcise | 34

#6299340 - Saturday 23 May 2015 22:19

Austin Powers begs to differ, racking up the count to three with boobie machine guns.

MrConcise | 34

#6300026 - Sunday 24 May 2015 15:53

I'm so disappointed nobody caught the rack pun. Or maybe they did and it wasn't as clever as I thought.

Nagas | 4

#6300280 - Sunday 24 May 2015 19:44

Was about to say about the rack pun, and saw your other comment. It's pretty groovy

By ber4fun | 23

#6299234 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:40

Better a warm boob than a hard shoe.

By Yolomcswaggin420 | 17

#6299235 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:40

Well I guess that's what you call a flat out coincidence

By Zebediabolical | 39

#6299236 - Saturday 23 May 2015 19:40

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

DFMLharsh | 20

#6299273 - Saturday 23 May 2015 20:09

Logically, the bug would want to be breast-fed. The bug was hungry and wanted to breast-feed is just wrong my friend.
Kindly roll over in shame, please.

Zebediabolical | 39

#6299385 - Saturday 23 May 2015 23:36

Being breast-fed implies the mother would be willing to have a bug on her nipple. Wanting to breast-feed doesn't need to be consensual. As in the case of a bug. As such, I stand by my original statement.

johhnyboy39 | 11

#6300665 - Monday 25 May 2015 4:08

It's a bug it doesn't breast feed since it's not a mammal