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Just an extra bit of info: I was with my parents at the airport, so I did make it back... after 45 minutes of going through security and announcing that I was an idiot on the intercom so my dad could save me.

By defrauded - 08/03/2013 18:44 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML

agreeclassic 36 830

vote type 1 3 068

By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

agreeclassic 36 827

vote type 1 2 804

By anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

agreeclassic 36 826

vote type 1 3 745

It's maths

By bastawhiz - 18/09/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, a professor approached me in the hall to ask if, since I'm a math major, I could tutor one of her communications majors in a required Calculus course. Apparently the volunteer tutor the school provides "is a complete dumbass." I'm the school's volunteer tutor. FML

agreeclassic 36 823

vote type 1 4 513

By fired tomoz - 29/10/2014 15:46 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

agreeclassic 36 820

vote type 1 3 014

Gross, so gross

By Yuuucky - 26/09/2011 16:58 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

agreeclassic 36 820

vote type 1 17 184

School project

By ninaaaa - 24/02/2014 00:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

agreeclassic 36 819

vote type 1 4 024

Good boy

By macattack - 02/09/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

agreeclassic 36 818

vote type 1 4 768

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 18:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

agreeclassic 36 818

vote type 1 4 493

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

agreeclassic 36 817

vote type 1 9 088

By Porcelain - 03/10/2009 13:47 - United States

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML

agreeclassic 36 817

vote type 1 12 783

Weezie_rm app_comment_confession_title

Weezie_rm 0

Sunday 4 October 2009 5:14

So I wouldn't talk and the audience wouldn't hear me. And I didn't make any awkward sounds in the restroom either. All of a sudden the audience just heard a huge "FLUSH!!!!"Which is why the sound guys didnt have time to turn off the mic. And they apologized to me afterwards, but it was embarrassing. Now it's funny.

By cheeseburglar_9000 - 21/03/2013 01:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

agreeclassic 36 816

vote type 1 2 870