Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
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Top comments
Dick_diamond 22
Was he trying to give directions to himself? Afraid he might skip a step?
RobinGoodfellow 47
While I think it's a good idea to not force sex to be a serious thing, I also think that that's weird and not remotely sexy.
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Comments (91)
tossaway2321 5
What a turn off
BigLatchZatch 14
OP should've said exit, stage right.
turtlesman 7
was just giving himself direction lol
YourOpinionSucks 22
Whenever I enter my girlfriend I always whisper in her ear "We are one". Doesn't turn her off, she thinks it's funny :p
creepyclowntown 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ugh,fyl. You should have whispered "bored, still bored"
iSnipeFatPeople 18
That's awfully rude, the poor guy was awfully focused on trying to please his lady! Even if in an odd or slightly creepy way...
8Dirty1 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
the gates of heaven ha
drayloon 50
Reply with "terminate, mission abort"
Malahkaa 19
Lucky he didn't say " front, back.."
whoredom 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I guess he was just EXITed. I mean it is a pretty entry level position *wink wink*
victorvldv 8
Please stop, jk
jay_ladybug 19
That pun didn't even make sense. Not to mention the word you're searching for is excited not exited.
missbrit818 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a mature boy.
Chicagoillinois 18
People obviously don't understand sarcasm
RobinGoodfellow 47
While I think it's a good idea to not force sex to be a serious thing, I also think that that's weird and not remotely sexy.
PerditaDessa 38
It'd crack me up. Definitely not sexy but I think he sounds like a lot of fun.
MisterEx 28
It is also possible that he was just trying to distract himself to avoid climaxing too early.
yumi209 5
Thats kinda sad though don't you think?
pastel_fml 18
Like, what the actual ****? I can't even imagine.
MisterEx 28
You must have a very limited imagination then, dear.
Dick_diamond 22
Was he trying to give directions to himself? Afraid he might skip a step?
Dave_Davington 34
Enter... Exit... Enter... Exit... Enter.... Enter. Oh, shit, I hit the cervix again.
Mauskau 36
Instructions unclear, got my dick caught in a drawer.
Enslaved 38
Tell him "Access denied" in your computer voice.