Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML
Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML
Today, I'm babysitting kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4 a.m. and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, who had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML
Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML
Today, I called my usual babysitter, one of the few people who can handle my difficult kids, to ask her to watch them for a night next week. She refused. It turns out my wife has been repeatedly underpaying her and she's fed up with it. So long date nights, I guess. FML
Today, I asked my landlord if I could get a dog. He said no, and gave me an illegal rent increase. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML
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Top comments
TheIllusion 0
Just be glad it was a blanket and NOT your leg.
EvilDoll 7
how did you decide that the best way to silence a dog was to let him hump something?
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Comments (167)
gorina 0
Damn. Sucks.
Rico_Mal1116 0
Let him hump you. Problem solved.
eminemchick 19
u gotta help a brother out..even if it is a stranger's dog..i guess.xD
6969awesome 0
Looks like the dogs already got your raise
7mood75 7
If you are the nanny Fran, I don't blame the dog....
Susieee_Q 9
I find it extremely hard to give you advice. Either let him finish, or see if he eventually gets tired of barking....
gunmania0 12
Let him finish! You don't want to give him blue balls!
Jimmyd0t 0
i could just imagine OP standing there with an 'I can't believe I'm doing this' face
forest1wolf 9
that's one horny bitch(;
imacreeper 3
I love pictures that go so well with their comment! Like 54.
sarahxD1234 5
fire him or hire a hit man first ! >:)
ohmygaaawsh29 0
wrong FML 91..
predialien 1
I had the same idea when I read this
cockseverywhere 2
I was JUST thinking that.
blackberry90210 0
Job description: Help out with kids Run other errands as required Sexually satisfy dog. Tip - have it castrated and feed it female hormones.
TookaWooka666 0
Get the dog a fleshlight and put it in a dog stuffed animal, see if it will hump that.
Deltasly 0
132 hahahahahahajajajajajajajajdkdnrnjeksbrjrjrjd!
imthatguythatdid 0
say the first sentence " Today, I'm a nanny" out loud. its funny
TheIllusion 0
Just be glad it was a blanket and NOT your leg.
unvmesucka 0
That bitch made you its bitch!
MrSassypants 34
OP's leg was under the blanket... -_- also 83 if the dog was humping a blanket I guess it wasn't a bitch. I guess OP was the only bitch.
OceanBreathesSal 5
my female dog used to hump things. more specifically my friends' legs.
dudeitsdanny 10
The FML says it's a male dog. Problem solved.
OceanBreathesSal 5
I know but going by 92's theory it could have been either one.
TheCrazyAli28 1
I dunno I kinda woulda liked the leg lol
MrSassypants 34
I wa saying it could be female but if it's male then they couldn't have called it a bitch.
obamanation85 1
it doesn't say it's male or female
CardMaster1992 0
offer your leg, it might end faster.
EvilDoll 7
how did you decide that the best way to silence a dog was to let him hump something?
Iamnotmyself 17
Well it's better than the dog bark violently. Although I'm not 100% sure I think that it involves the dog talking really loudly about murdering his family.
astriofou 0
sounds kinky
eminemchick 19
man how is op's name related to the post at all?XD
Mysanitywins 10
Don't ask, don't tell.
ryanst 7
How isn't it?
yuviluv 5
What does OP stand for?
HannahForbesxo 13
Ovulating Penguin.
yuviluv 5
No, like, for real.
eminemchick 19
it really does stand for ovulating penguin, 72
sourgirl101 29
ii got tired of holding the blanket and got his dog Mickey.
HannahForbesxo 13
72- Not one word of a lie. Don't listen to what others say, I'm telling the truth. Honest!
ooitastic 0
Orgasmic potheads
NastyNinja31 0
otter pussy
PrickHead 0
no, it stands for oversized penis...
kc1997kc 9
original post.
eminemchick 19
114=killjoy xD
rhysfucker 24
dude, thank u. been wondering. *******.
Saltime 0
According to your name, you're actually the ******...
UnknwnClassicGrl 5
Orgasmic Predator
Catria 0
Its a username
laurabev 9
How did you even find that out? :L
laurabev 9
Haha, fair enough.
rhysfucker 24
Poor nanny; the kids are sleeping but she still gets no peace, until the dog gets his piece... is it a dominance hump or does Rover need a mate?
BrokenDreamer24 15
Rover probably needs a lady friend or male friend, you never know with dogs. Or get Rover fixed and problem solved. Some dogs lose the urge afterwards.
rattusrattus 19
You generally have to get the dog fixed before they have sex with a bitch/female dog, otherwise they get the taste for it.
sourgirl101 29
You know it's not HER dog right? So her getting the dog fixed isn't something she could do. Some owners have pure breeds and won't get them neutered. I knew someone that had a pug and that thing humped everything in sight! (:
Deltasly 0
and u put a smiley face for a dog humping?! o.O
Sgrocks 5
get.the dog.fixed. anything. that's jut messed up.
knocking 0
I think if I went and got someone else's dog fixed they would be pissed.
eminemchick 19
im so glad im not a dog..someone catches me "doing the deed" then they immediately sterilize me because its messed up? it feels good, dammit!
eminemchick 19
im so glad im not a dog..someone catches me "doing the deed" then they immediately sterilize me because its messed up? it feels good, dammit!
nicoleadrigiz 4
getting a dog fixed doesn't stop them from humping...when a person gets their tubes tied that doesn't stop them from having sex does it?
iJasper 8
It's not her dog,
cgyguy 0
104, no when you chop their balls off they can't get an erection though. health class fail.
KMFiredancer 0
So, if we chop your balls off, you won't get an erection? It's a rush of blood to the penis from physical or mental stimulation. He just won't produce sperm is all...
throwglitter1 0
just because you get it fixed doesn't make it stop humping..
LKadrian 0
let's get you fixed.
Trybow 0
I love how people repeat other comments even though they were already said
unvmesucka 0
I know, I love how people repeat others comments even though they have already been said.
womanjesus 0
You do know that some people post comments at the same time, or within a few minutes of each other, which in turn, prevents either person from seeing which comments were posted while they are typing their comment. Just a heads up.
dyschordia 0
This may seem obvious, but - chuck the damn thing outside! If that's not an option, there must have been another room you could put it in.
knocking 0
You can still hear dogs barking even if they are in another room. And if you just throw them outside and let them bark incessantly, you run the risk of having the cops called on you.
dyschordia 0
To me either of those options is preferable to being part of a canine masturbatory aid...