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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 612

Too awkward to function

By Anonymous - 27/06/2023 23:00 - United States - Stillwater

Today, my sister told me she doesn't think her mom died the way she was told. Uncomfortable, I declined to give my 2 cents on the matter, saying, "I'm sorry" and, "Oh sh!t, sorry." She started gaslighting me about how I wasn't listening, and I told her I was sorry for being a piece of shit, so she then gaslit me about that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 672

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 610

Me and my responsibilities

By Lewis - 19/12/2018 19:00 - France - Paris

I'll do it tomorrow

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 61

Dog Fail

By FML Videos - 12/11/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Living that clumsy life!

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 92

Cooked

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother cooked breakfast for everyone at my house. Then I later found one of my sex toys in the sink. I “casually” asked her what she used it for, and turns out she used it to make everyone’s scrambled eggs. She thought it was an electric egg whisk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 469

Bitch move

By Ineedtoshutup - 19/08/2021 16:01

Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 2 245

Awkward conversation ahead

By IHateMyself - 21/07/2021 18:01

Today, my boyfriend returned from University after 8 months away. He says he cannot wait to see me. The whole half an hour ride to his home, I was shaking like a leaf. I’m still sitting his driveway because I don’t know how to tell him that I’m 5 months pregnant. Yes, I’m showing. A LOT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 5 382

Baby don't drive my car

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 18:00

Today, I drove through a drive-through car wash. The steering wheel turned left on it own. I was pretty sure the railing guided the car but my stupid ass turned the wheel to the other side and popped the car off the rails. It crashed into one of the machines and now I have a huge dent to the front of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 053

Making Bad Choices

By FML Videos - 11/10/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Whee!

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 76

You might as well know…

By Anonymous - 02/08/2022 06:00

Today, I was sending screenshots to my best friend about a guy who'd screwed me over. I sent the screenshots to him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 902

Hey there!

By Chanby - 04/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a friend I hadn't seen in years. I was so excited to catch up with her that I ran across the street without looking and almost got hit by a car. I ended up stumbling out of panic and landed on a pile of trash on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 012

By mac cayne - 02/05/2014 03:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 448

Antiques Roadshow

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 02:00

Today, I made a mosaic for my grandma out of her old crockery, after I had finished it, I found out from a neighbour that some of the plates looked like Wedgewood. So I dug through the stuff that I didn't use. It turns out the original lot would have been worth about £2000. With the stuff left, I'd be lucky to get £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 387

Overreaction club

By Punk'd - 03/04/2021 08:00

Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 2 052

Pizza Time

By FML Videos - 22/10/2018 00:00

That's amore...

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 83

Misty and Captain

By i hate you bluey! - 04/08/2023 14:00

Today, thanks to that stupid ass blue dog, our kids haven’t stopped hounding me about when their dad and I are getting married. They’re too young to understand, so I try to gently change the subject. That worked for about 5 minutes before they were right back to asking. Holy uncomfortable subject Batman! FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 684

End of the road

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my wife of 21 years fell asleep while we were about to have sex for the eighth time this month. Turns out she can't and won't have sex with me because she has hickies all over her tits and she'd consider it cheating on her new boyfriend, who she just met. I tried to jack off but she fell asleep on my penis, and that was that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 202

Socialized healthcare, now!

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 06:00

Today, I'm into a three week battle with the United States medical system regarding my mom. I've even moved friends onto our farm because I'm a traveling electrician. Yup, they took a pissed off email a little too serious. I'm on charges of fraud and I need to leave on friday to keep the family farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 619

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 02:01 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I realized it is my life goal to get kicked out of a fast-food restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 842

When I thought I had money

By Lewis - 23/12/2018 19:00

Greedy Catto!

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 69

Man *****

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 4 642

Caught

By Snooper - 16/03/2022 18:00

Today, I attempted to snoop around my daughter’s room, because I suspect her of having sex with her boyfriend behind my back. Hoping to find the evidence, I went to her room as soon as she left for school. Turns out she rigged her bedroom door. With glitter. Uh oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 2 851

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 17:01

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 3 452

Trash the lot

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 2 776

Fetishizating weeboos are cringe

By wtfffbro - 02/10/2022 15:30 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I randomly ghosted an ex-friend and blocked her on my social media a few years ago for being too obsessed with Asian culture, I also saw the same girl making out with the same guy I’ve had a crush on the last few weeks. They’ve already started dating as of last night. Karma: 1 Me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 1 151

Sounds like a plan

By just…no - 29/09/2023 10:00

Today, I asked my son what his goals in life are. He said he doesn’t have any career goals, and the only thing he wants out of life is to play Dungeons and Dragons. I have failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 667

How's the project going?

By Lewis - 11/12/2018 18:00

Fine... I guess?

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 97

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 10/06/2023 18:00

Today, after I made a new Snapchat account 3 days ago, I've already been blocked like 100 times for little reasons. I get blocked more than any normal person, even when doing nothing wrong. I wish people liked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 699

****** around, found out

By Single4evaaaa - 07/10/2022 13:00

Today, the woman that I left my wife for told me she just wanted me for sex and not a long-term relationship. I pleaded on my knees to my wife to take me back and rekindle our marriage and even suggested counseling. I even brought her roses. She slapped me with the roses and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 9 995

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The Top

Today, I got a warning at work for wearing my ear studs. Not only have I worn them the whole time for the last year I was here, I was unaware of this “rule.” I also was just told that the female employees are allowed to wear them, but men are not. “It looks unprofessional.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 134

Today, my boyfriend has been unemployed for over six months. He has applied EVERYWHERE with no luck, but he also has the opportunity to start his own business. Instead, he just spends his time sitting in front of the TV all day long. I'm starting to believe he is not a driven man, and I hate that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 232

The Top

Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 977

You deserved it 2 218

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss's way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 193

You deserved it 8 345

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 661

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 991

You deserved it 5 483

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 6 639

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 436

You deserved it 5 044