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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

#11305876
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21686) - you deserved it (28630)

On 06/19/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Momma - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

#19995801
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21686) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:44am - misc - by Emily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21685) - you deserved it (3769)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21683) - you deserved it (42647)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

#20454623
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21681) - you deserved it (36600)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

#19557716
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21680) - you deserved it (4506)

On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

#920
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21679) - you deserved it (3641)

On 01/10/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by doh - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

#14056673
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21675) - you deserved it (2529)

On 12/02/2010 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you deserved it (9606)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

#20045057
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21673) - you deserved it (2269) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

#20449532
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21673) - you deserved it (2420)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

#155544
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21672) - you deserved it (42330)

On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

#8797344
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21672) - you deserved it (7072)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Sorry (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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