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Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

#21437526
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (1479)

On 07/06/2015 at 6:26pm - health - by feelthesting - Mexico (Aguascalientes)

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

#20101823
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22797) - you deserved it (2914)

On 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

#18560228
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22797) - you deserved it (2029)

On 12/20/2011 at 7:46am - health - by ouch (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

#18912868
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22793) - you deserved it (2481)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22793) - you deserved it (2179)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

#20115908
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22791) - you deserved it (3681)

On 10/14/2012 at 12:39am - animals - by Patrick - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

#20959868
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22791) - you deserved it (44013)

On 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22791) - you deserved it (2124)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

#21395685
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22790) - you deserved it (30394)

On 04/18/2015 at 10:38am - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

#713
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22789) - you deserved it (2243)

On 01/05/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by sel2207 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

#19414081
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22787) - you deserved it (4514)

On 04/05/2012 at 8:41pm - health - by TwiceDaily,Kids (man) - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22785) - you deserved it (84030)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

#19122021
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22785) - you deserved it (7061)

On 02/20/2012 at 10:53am - love - by DBZ (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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