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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

#17441742
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (4703)

On 08/11/2011 at 4:11pm - misc - by Michael tee - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

#17540688
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (4085)

On 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by The captain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

#20120590
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (3953) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

#20006687
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (7618)

On 08/06/2012 at 11:08pm - health - by anonymous - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23489) - you deserved it (36228)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, I had a big meeting. Half way through my presentation, I sneezed, and continued talking. I get some weird looks from my co-worker but I didn't understand what he meant. When I finished, I passed by my boss walking to my chair, he gave me a handkerchief. Why? Snot was all over my tie. FML

#7809149
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (4420)

On 02/02/2010 at 6:25am - work - by paul - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

#21435132
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (1951)

On 07/01/2015 at 11:10pm - animals - by Alex Andreas - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

#8675398
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23487) - you deserved it (2506)

On 02/26/2010 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (29782)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23485) - you deserved it (7561)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

#8732304
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23484) - you deserved it (3908)

On 02/28/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Hannah - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

#18719100
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23483) - you deserved it (4942)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by neveragain89 (woman) - Australia

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

#21432817
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23481) - you deserved it (2417)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States



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