Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

#5051
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21736) - you deserved it (4741)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:22pm - animals - by mikep - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

#19567483
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21736) - you deserved it (5518)

On 05/03/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

#1904436
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21735) - you deserved it (49701)

On 05/13/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

#17756574
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21735) - you deserved it (10343)

On 09/16/2011 at 5:38am - misc - by sweatstreaks - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

#20113670
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21735) - you deserved it (2132)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by firstdategonebad - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

#18473570
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21731) - you deserved it (8214)

On 12/10/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by CassieMarieee - United States (Texas)

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

#19757535
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (9039)

On 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21727) - you deserved it (6777)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

#8434762
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21727) - you deserved it (3202)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:41am - intimacy - by Brett meek - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

#6300259
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21724) - you deserved it (6484)

On 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by SpeakerPhone (woman) - France (Alsace)

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

#695786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21720) - you deserved it (61199)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

#19102650
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21717) - you deserved it (5309)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

#16488839
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21715) - you deserved it (38161)

On 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: