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Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

#20134163
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23742) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

#19856741
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23742) - you deserved it (2847)

On 06/27/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by fired (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

#8992744
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23741) - you deserved it (1838)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:04am - misc - by er1133 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

#19110438
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23742) - you deserved it (4635)

On 02/18/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by mandy_2480 - China

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

#19098452
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23738) - you deserved it (2069)

On 02/17/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

#16016823
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23738) - you deserved it (2521)

On 05/02/2011 at 6:58am - health - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

#20013942
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23737) - you deserved it (2800)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by nalathelionqueen (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

#20974338
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23737) - you deserved it (37640)

On 11/29/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

#21425191
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23737) - you deserved it (11573)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:06pm - work - by nancypants1124 - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (7114)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was playing World of Warcraft, when all of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to be at a wedding. I was 25 minutes late to my own wedding. FML

#20880446
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (94958)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

#8248979
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23730) - you deserved it (6059)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by freakingow (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

#18912868
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23730) - you deserved it (2561)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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