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Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22785) - you deserved it (84030)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22785) - you deserved it (2367)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML

#21386014
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22785) - you deserved it (1699)

On 04/01/2015 at 6:09pm - misc - by ThirteenThirteen (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

#20159285
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22782) - you deserved it (10395)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

#8403549
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22781) - you deserved it (3437)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:22am - health - by Hayleey_079 (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

#20042606
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22781) - you deserved it (11272)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm - misc - by S. (woman) - Estonia

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

#21417490
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22780) - you deserved it (5577)

On 05/29/2015 at 6:58am - misc - by sassy_girl144 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

#8708585
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22779) - you deserved it (6494)

On 02/28/2010 at 1:31am - health - by annonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

#21425208
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22779) - you deserved it (7806)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by alyssaamarante - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

#19997167
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22779) - you deserved it (2986)

On 08/01/2012 at 8:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML

#362
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22778) - you deserved it (5310)

On 11/22/2008 at 2:02am - misc - by Goatkvlt - Sent from mobile version

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

#19676513
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22774) - you deserved it (2745)

On 05/25/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by daddyowl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

#18443070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22773) - you deserved it (1747)

On 12/06/2011 at 3:57am - work - by snarly1 - United States (California)



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