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Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

by sarahijklmnop / 11/14/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

by patient_mom / 06/13/2015 at 9:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 10:57am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 6:31pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Work

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

by mississpissi / 07/14/2015 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Transportation

Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2015 at 3:09pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

by TheLemonMan / 10/15/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

by Lucy / 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids