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Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

#7070620
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22703) - you deserved it (3738)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by welted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

#18984766
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22702) - you deserved it (3237)

On 02/03/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by tooembarassed - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

#12920070
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22701) - you deserved it (6019)

On 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm - misc - by noonotme (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML

#14202689
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22700) - you deserved it (9420)

On 12/14/2010 at 2:10pm - work - by melly (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22711) - you deserved it (2334)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

#16173128
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22697) - you deserved it (12666)

On 05/14/2011 at 3:06pm - health - by bloodyLIP - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

#17894495
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22694) - you deserved it (3634)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:08am - health - by smsmall - United States

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

#19054485
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22693) - you deserved it (3800)

On 02/12/2012 at 3:07am - misc - by TowelSinger (woman) -

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

#232314
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22692) - you deserved it (65249)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:35am - intimacy - by You Wish (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22693) - you deserved it (2239)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

#13846681
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22690) - you deserved it (2626)

On 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm - misc - by stutterernotschizophrenic (woman) -

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

#19645294
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22689) - you deserved it (4160)

On 05/19/2012 at 4:03am - work - by themcdave - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

#20877518
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22689) - you deserved it (68152)

On 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by lyfisdyno - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)



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