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Today, at 26, I got chicken pox. My parents stand by their belief that I got it because I'm not right with God, not because they didn't vaccinate me. FML

by kinzielee / 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

by bels12 / 01/05/2010 at 12:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for 6 months. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 4:51am / United Kingdom (Caerphilly) / Miscellaneous

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

by LoLWut?? nd Why?? / 04/16/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Money

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2012 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

by Sursion / 11/12/2009 at 12:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

by Ihaveaheadache / 02/09/2012 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm / United States / Money

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

by neilmalik / 10/21/2015 at 7:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

by Forever alone / 05/01/2015 at 10:24am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML

by NoRingForMe / 07/18/2012 at 1:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love