Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

#17775098
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25258) - you deserved it (3361)

On 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm - love - by DeadScared (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25258) - you deserved it (1889)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, I was playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade when a woman came up and asked me if playing it was my job. I laughed but then realized that it is actually the closest thing I have to a job. FML

#21377906
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25257) - you deserved it (7231)

On 03/19/2015 at 5:49pm - work - by DDRFreak (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

#2261901
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25254) - you deserved it (56010)

On 05/25/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by ninjawhat1337 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

#18898180
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (3922)

On 01/24/2012 at 11:42am - work - by communistgirl (woman) - United States

Today, I went in to work to check my new schedule for the week. I searched up and down and didn't see my name listed. After talking to my manager, he decided it would be easier to "release" me than remake a new schedule. FML

#14014833
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25250) - you deserved it (2035)

On 11/28/2010 at 7:41pm - work - by moshgra -

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

#20046195
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25250) - you deserved it (1891)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:56pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25249) - you deserved it (3369)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

#21456323
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25247) - you deserved it (1830)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:47am - work - by bruised - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

#21456542
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25247) - you deserved it (1964)

On 08/16/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by fire starter - United States (California)

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

#20114046
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25246) - you deserved it (1660)

On 10/12/2012 at 8:18pm - misc - by atleastshelldiefirst (man) - United States

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

#20173791
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25246) - you deserved it (1719)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to an underwear shop, and an employee recommended me a push-up bra. I was wearing one. FML

#1427
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (2382)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:31am - misc - by Pakundo - Sent from mobile version



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: