Work and Kids: Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows... - FML

By RootyTootToot - 31/08/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 1 454

Tough choice

CPTSD

Phantom pooper

By grounded - 18/12/2011 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 234

You deserved it 47 433

By writerflaw - 10/03/2015 17:36 - United States - Juneau

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 750

You deserved it 3 415

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, I gave my two weeks notice at work. My boss sighed with relief and muttered, "Thank God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 847

You deserved it 6 349

Shooting!

By WittyMoron - 08/01/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 3 348

By Lukey1028 - 14/07/2015 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 279

You deserved it 3 421

Outdoorsy romance

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 648

By Nutellalover - 19/10/2012 14:19 - Germany - Hennef

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 28 772

By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 445

You deserved it 34 506

By Anonymous - 03/02/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 314

You deserved it 8 177

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 139

You deserved it 5 247

By Anonymous - 17/04/2014 23:24 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 680

You deserved it 4 117

By moshgra - 29/11/2010 00:41

Today, I went in to work to check my new schedule for the week. I searched up and down and didn't see my name listed. After talking to my manager, he decided it would be easier to "release" me than remake a new schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 947

You deserved it 2 159

By Emma Five - 14/03/2012 03:22 - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 570

You deserved it 32 168

By mainlaw - 04/12/2009 17:33 - Ireland

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 970

You deserved it 47 142

By but I tried anal and everything - 22/11/2012 16:13 - United States - Des Moines

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 711

You deserved it 6 673

By tehhotness - 27/03/2009 14:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 585

You deserved it 6 758

Big booming voice issues

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 05:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, like the rest of the past year, I had to hear my roommate as he works as tech support from home. The man does not have an "inside voice" but echoes across multiple floors like a tuba, as he debugs people's software issues over the phone. Talking to him about it only makes him angry… and louder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 16:50 - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 651

You deserved it 5 504

By shal4 - 27/11/2015 17:55

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 828

You deserved it 1 414

How could you forget?

By James - 31/01/2021 11:01

Today, I realised that my birthday was yesterday. I was so busy with my painting work that I completely forgot. I realised when I got messages from friends in the USA, wishing me a happy birthday. Seriously timezones? FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 214

You deserved it 3 289

Domestic

By baberuth - 19/06/2015 22:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 749

You deserved it 4 466

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 01:39 - United States - Demopolis

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 4 792

By Samaritan - 19/01/2010 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 2 985

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 15:46 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 509

You deserved it 2 964

By birthday blues - 08/11/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 539

You deserved it 904

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 441

You deserved it 3 367

By whatchagonnado - 24/03/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 869

You deserved it 8 839

By TheIVkindaruinsthemood - 05/08/2015 18:58 - United States - Milford

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 870

You deserved it 2 860

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 425

By Adam Jensen - 18/06/2012 04:39 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 830

You deserved it 2 502

By f-ugly - 25/03/2013 18:36 - United States

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 130

You deserved it 4 531

By Salvation711 - 15/04/2012 15:29 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 874

You deserved it 33 704

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 750

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 00:50 - United States

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 089

You deserved it 7 553

By Jackey - 05/06/2019 12:00

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 991

By prettybich - 15/05/2010 18:01 - United States

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 174

You deserved it 36 342

Tunnel vision

By what. - 04/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend said that no, I'm not allowed to get glasses and then accused me of wanting to see other men. No, I just want to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 183

By lfssecond - 30/05/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 686

You deserved it 25 537

By nothesisforme - 11/03/2015 14:01 - France

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 912

You deserved it 2 937

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Saturday 1 September 2018 2:21

To be honest, not only do I not answer no caller ID calls they won’t even ring because I block them with my phone service. What kind of an idiot has a professional office with no caller ID? I cannot be the only one who simply will not respond to that. Oh wait, it’s OP’s new potential boss....

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 31 August 2018 22:52

Bibidibibidi, Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 31 August 2018 22:52

Bibidibibidi, Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!

ThrottleJockey 34

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Friday 31 August 2018 23:24

Hi, this is Buddy. What's your favorite color?

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Saturday 1 September 2018 0:25

So what cartoon voice did you use? If it was Spongebob and the district attorney's office stated that you got the job and if you could start, did you say "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"?

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Saturday 1 September 2018 2:21

To be honest, not only do I not answer no caller ID calls they won’t even ring because I block them with my phone service. What kind of an idiot has a professional office with no caller ID? I cannot be the only one who simply will not respond to that. Oh wait, it’s OP’s new potential boss....

Send a private message

Saturday 1 September 2018 5:28

I’ll be fair, I’m glad I did this one particular time. It was the local Health Unit, about an outbreak of an STD and was asked to get tested. I was positive. So, don’t simply ignore every No Caller ID, find out what they want first.

pjsr 32

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Saturday 1 September 2018 5:33

The kind of idiot that is responsible for putting criminals in prison, and doesn’t want them having his direct number.

Paul B. Gyurcsanszky 14

Saturday 1 September 2018 5:21

Just hope the DA has a sense of humor.

Shabnam Moghal 14

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Saturday 1 September 2018 11:53

Sooooo did ya get the job?

thatslifeiguess7 16

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Sunday 2 September 2018 8:00

if you know that you're looking for a job why would you answer in such a way to make you sound like a child?

Cali 54

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Monday 3 September 2018 16:37

OP thought it was his kids on the line... It's right there in the FML.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 14

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 57

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 253