School: Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know...

By link - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

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School

Leave us alone

The smell detective is on the case

Empathy lives

By Baby bird - 23/5/2021 11:01

Different goals

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

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1944

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By Mark - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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48599

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By fml - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny and made a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent,"Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

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718

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

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35935

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By Dockin - India

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

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16178

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

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35797

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By amberrenee91 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

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36485

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

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39189

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By luciaspiano - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

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30211

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By Sexting - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

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34843

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9161

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By justgreatgirl - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

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34229

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By MrGullible

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

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2274

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178

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By screwedupfuck - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

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27388

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By shininghayley - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

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28716

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By sugarbeet - United States

Sounds nice

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

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32084

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

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33479

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4067

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By SeeBrendenBurn - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

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35701

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By spinspinsugar - 24/2/2021 14:01 - United States - Camillus

Bodyshaming ain't cool

Today, I was video chatting with my dad. He handed the phone to his wife, whose first words out of her mouth were, "Why are you getting so skinny?" This was also the same woman whose first words out of her mouth when they came to visit us 3 years ago was how much weight I've gained. FML

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802

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By debodave - Germany

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later; I was feeling devilish, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

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9138

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Broseley

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

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18649

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By jake - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

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32551

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By LadySteveMartin - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

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51022

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8474

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By Lesley - United Kingdom

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

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42907

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By RingRing - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

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8418

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By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

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4604

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284

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By not a jesse pinkman joke - United States - Princeton

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

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34896

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By newly single teetotaler - 23/10/2020 23:01

Cute trick, asshole

Today, the guy I've been seeing decided to "test the theory" that I can't drink alcohol due to a liver condition by mixing some into my drinks. He then complained that my ceaseless vomiting made his bathroom smell bad, and only took me to hospital when I started having a seizure. FML

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1868

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303

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By malloreigh - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

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26672

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By Anonymous - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML

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1532

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374

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By toosmall - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

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32530

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

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22784

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By Dana O'Neil - 24/8/2020 15:03 - Canada - Westerose

Invest in ear plugs

Today, and every night all summer, I can hear the kids outside playing when I go to bed. They’re so loud, it makes it hard to sleep. The kids have a later bedtime than I do, and I’m 33. I'm feeling like a broken down old lady. FML

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1160

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243

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By laundryduty

Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML

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1884

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167

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

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24543

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2134

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By Anonymous - United States - Roswell

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21035

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24423

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By mybmw - United States

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

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30889

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By birdfoooo - United States

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7999

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By onthetoilet - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34475

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3303

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By drunkinriot - United States

Today, my drunk brother thought I could withstand a metal chair being slammed across my back like on the wrestling shows. I guess he didn't know that the shows are fake. FML

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Top comments

By pjsr | 32

#7639660 - Sunday 27 May 2018 2:10

Congratulations on a perfect score on the front side, Ace!

By acmariner99 | 25

#7639654 - Sunday 27 May 2018 1:37

Did we learn something?

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7627730 - Thursday 26 April 2018 22:39

Was egg and your face in alignment?

By breyes016 | 11

#7627812 - Friday 27 April 2018 3:22

you should always check for a backside

By acmariner99 | 25

#7639654 - Sunday 27 May 2018 1:37

Did we learn something?

By pjsr | 32

#7639660 - Sunday 27 May 2018 2:10

Congratulations on a perfect score on the front side, Ace!

By skippydoda | 32

#7639668 - Sunday 27 May 2018 2:56

I hope you know why you deserve it. You always check for the backside.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7639669 - Sunday 27 May 2018 2:57

Looks like the test knew you had one and kicked you there.

By Rabite | 28

#7639674 - Sunday 27 May 2018 3:09

Always check everything twice if you've finished way before the time is up and before everyone else.

By Jon Artz | 11

#7639678 - Sunday 27 May 2018 3:28

doubt

By Leeono | 26

#7639698 - Sunday 27 May 2018 6:26

What about the other guy who banged a backside without checking the front?....

By tranced_ | 44

#7639711 - Sunday 27 May 2018 7:28

There's two kinds of people.