Work: Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked...

By Walmart Associate

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

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Work

Marriage doesn't solve anything

Nags

Give it your best shot

By ouchmytits - United States

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

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By Erik Aleckson

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

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1776

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By disneyworld - United States

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

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By bumpinthenight

Amityville

Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML

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1873

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By pretty_coin - Australia

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

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By Mom2boysonly

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

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By abby0019 - France

Today, my new neighbours came over to introduce themselves. I open the door to see my ex-husband, with a horrified look on his face, and his girlfriend. FML

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37308

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By ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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28487

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

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16229

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By recordyear - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

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By homeless4Christmas - New Zealand

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

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By quinndulgent - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

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By "refines"

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

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3708

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793

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By ac32 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

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34354

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By trash80

This is why we shop online!

Today, while checking out at Target, I had the choice of standing behind one lady or a long line. Naturally, I chose the former. Half an hour later, the long line had completely passed, and I was still standing behind the lady, who was now arguing with the cashier. FML

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4581

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By Thank you, exactly what I wanted Sergeant

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

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16437

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By Anonymous - United States - Topeka

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

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10539

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boss chewed me out for leaving a work function early. I explained it was to avoid a former co-worker I constantly fought with. The boss revealed he purposely invited that former co-worker, hoping our fight would provide entertainment. FML

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By bloated - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

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9746

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By Marcipaud - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

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12529

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By Anonymous - United States - Deerfield Beach

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

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7417

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

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23577

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By mystery - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

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70450

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By Bishop

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

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47342

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By Anonymous - United States - Kenosha

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

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27613

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By dunno why we bother - United States - Tampa

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

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By Stargirl - United States - Modesto

Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML

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5949

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728

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By Octobre - United States

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

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11562

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By Just Awkward

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

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By ltwlty - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

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9733

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By MyS3lf - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

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32031

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By MBean - Anguilla - The Valley

Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML

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65480

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By maxus - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

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35791

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By jamalinho - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

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35663

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By appendicitisanyone - United States - Fairfield

Today, I awoke to the pain of appendicitis. Apparently it isn't a good enough reason to miss court. I now have a warrant out for my arrest. FML

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5702

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 01:04 - Iraq - Basrah

Leeches

Today, I found out that if my husband and I move to another country to live, then his mom and sister will live with us too. I'm already living with them because of societal traditions. I like them and everything, but I really need some privacy. FML

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Top comments

By real life problems | 26

#7683319 - Monday 27 August 2018 3:32

"Did you need help finding something N-word Jim?"

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7683338 - Monday 27 August 2018 4:54

Did your accuser have pink hair and old lady glasses, by any chance?

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7680094 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 9:53

How could you!?

By real life problems | 26

#7683319 - Monday 27 August 2018 3:32

"Did you need help finding something N-word Jim?"

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7683338 - Monday 27 August 2018 4:54

Did your accuser have pink hair and old lady glasses, by any chance?

real life problems | 26

#7683445 - Monday 27 August 2018 10:00

#Triggered

By Charlie Given | 23

#7683339 - Monday 27 August 2018 4:56

What really you were doing your job (sarcastically) yup the people of Walmart don'tcha just love them 🙄😒

By WeirdUS | 29

#7683377 - Monday 27 August 2018 7:24

Did you ask "hello sir how may I help you?" or "orale holmes what can I get ya?" One is ok the other is not.

By justchlc | 20

#7685870 - Friday 31 August 2018 20:13

As someone who works in a call center, I get it. I totally get it.