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Good job

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 4 565

By bg4545 - 24/03/2016 03:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 465

You deserved it 18 622

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 465

You deserved it 1 428

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 460

You deserved it 1 126

By lisa - 22/12/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 459

You deserved it 51 787

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 456

You deserved it 1 135

By nightput - 17/11/2008 06:02 - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 450

You deserved it 28 718

No life

By jen - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 449

You deserved it 58 577

By loser4life - 30/07/2011 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 448

You deserved it 79 671

By AverageDeskJoe - 03/05/2016 20:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 446

You deserved it 1 218

Never say easy

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 444

You deserved it 53 508

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 10:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 441

You deserved it 20 765

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 14:42 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 439

You deserved it 1 236

By xacked - 02/06/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 438

You deserved it 61 692

By sastgamer - 21/05/2016 17:46 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 438

You deserved it 1 788

You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 437

You deserved it 31 308

By benjamin03 - 05/07/2016 16:34 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 436

You deserved it 980

By purrfect :/ - 07/07/2016 22:34

Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 436

You deserved it 1 075

By ItWasOurAnniversary - 28/09/2016 12:08 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 434

You deserved it 2 507

By Ban Hammered - 25/05/2016 10:35 - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 433

You deserved it 875

By tstaeger - 24/07/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 431

You deserved it 37 842

By kattylizbeth - 15/05/2016 02:03 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out that it's possible to make your sister so mad that she scoops the litter box and hides the contents around your room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 430

You deserved it 1 770

kattylizbeth tells us more.

kattylizbeth 19

Monday 16 May 2016 4:02

Hey, guys, OP here. I'm not even sure if I'm following up correctly, but here goes. My sister is almost 9, and I pissed her off because I didn't want to go to her softball scrimmage (yep, scrimmage not game) because I was going to Six Flags with my school. Apparently, this warranted her putting cat shit on my bookshelf/nightstand. Props to her, it was the worst thing to come home to ever. I didn't prank her back, she's 8. I did take away the pooper scooper though, lol

By RIP - 15/07/2012 05:02 - United States

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 430

You deserved it 28 479

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 12:24 - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 425

You deserved it 1 855

By wtf - 19/10/2016 12:09 - United States - Oxford

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 424

You deserved it 1 266

Protip

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 424

You deserved it 73 629

By Bugga2018 - 22/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 423

You deserved it 921

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 418

You deserved it 32 313

By CarouselHeart - 18/05/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 415

You deserved it 1 306

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 413

You deserved it 54 580

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The Top

The Top

Today, after I sold the bulk of my employer-granted stocks last week, assuming its the highest price the stock would reach in a while, it's now nearly 30% higher to the price I sold at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 418

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 599

You deserved it 6 355

Today, I decided to show up to my new class an hour early, to be able to choose my seat, and figure out how the computer lab works… only to find out that the lab was locked and I had to wait until the professor unlocked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 489

Today, I tested positive for Influenza A. I’m either sweating bullets or shivering cold, coughing my ass off, sneezing constantly, snotting out my eyeballs, and aching all over. To top it off it’s hot and stormy, flooding in part of town with 100% humidity, and the power just cut out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 81

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 181

You deserved it 3 601

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 670