Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the... - FML

By Whoops - 28/01/2010 20:21 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 426

You deserved it 36 361

Our house, in the middle of our street

No-life

The patriarchy rules

Carry her home

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 4 311

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 689

You deserved it 7 382

By coppervains - 22/02/2014 18:13 - United States - Livonia

Spicy

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 601

You deserved it 8 152

By whoops - 02/09/2016 14:49 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 535

You deserved it 6 054

By LasagnaRawks - 14/10/2009 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 38 300

By Emma - 01/08/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 041

You deserved it 3 453

By Gone With the Wind - 12/05/2014 03:29 - United States - Omaha

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 611

You deserved it 4 857

By Username - 04/12/2010 21:04 - United States

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 061

You deserved it 28 152

By bryans_fresh - 12/06/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 411

You deserved it 4 743

By Ecolo-girl - 11/03/2016 06:22 - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 960

You deserved it 2 011

By Brea - 01/02/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 841

You deserved it 68 486

Oh nose!

By Fried. - 14/05/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to the smell of cooking bacon. As I walked down my stairs towards my kitchen, I realised that the smell wasn't coming from bacon, but from my kitchen being on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 115

Toxic people

By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 160

By Guuu - 14/12/2008 11:31 - France

Today, I aimed at the little blue thing placed at the bottom of the urinal. I learned the hard way that it splashes off it and makes little blue stains on jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 308

You deserved it 22 339

By Anonameow - 19/07/2016 13:49

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 829

You deserved it 2 485

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 171

You deserved it 2 065

By thisreallyhappened - 15/05/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 675

You deserved it 3 952

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 146

By CollegeStudent - 26/11/2016 05:55

Today, after being excited and trying to make plans with all my friends, they all turned out to be busy. After watching Netflix most of the night, I check my Snapchat stories only to see them all hanging out without me at one of their houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 270

You deserved it 851

By dwek - 15/05/2009 11:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 850

You deserved it 61 263

By failphone - 07/01/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 936

You deserved it 31 447

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 931

You deserved it 3 493

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 06:05

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 4 506

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 05:02 - Australia

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 964

You deserved it 12 429

Movie night

By nah - 11/06/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 1 604

Father material

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 02:07

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 680

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 121

You deserved it 2 123

Overbearing parents are the worst

By SoDead - 05/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point

Spicy

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 1 481

By SheWentCrayola - 17/10/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 899

You deserved it 7 567

By Anna - 28/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 660

You deserved it 4 629

By duped - 29/10/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 185

You deserved it 48 521

By Goki - 06/06/2009 16:23 - Canada

Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 60 484

By urrrppp - 26/03/2010 09:44 - Netherlands

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 732

You deserved it 11 001

By ameliaruth09 - 22/01/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 824

You deserved it 5 091

By JadeDemolition - 24/08/2015 01:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 628

You deserved it 8 740

Classic

By notacreeper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 770

You deserved it 5 392

By Jenna - 03/07/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 38 697

By twelvie - 23/03/2015 14:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 753

You deserved it 2 895

By Daddy - 02/06/2016 08:04 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 396

You deserved it 677

By internetloser - 16/08/2017 16:15 - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How, you may ask? He used the Adult Swim "We should see other people" commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 516

You deserved it 276

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:15

A voice coming from his pants? "OMG! That thing talks?!?! ...oh it's just my dad."

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:05

amazing... simply amazing. imma say YDI.

Comments

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:05

amazing... simply amazing. imma say YDI.

BlueJeans2626 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 3:53

karma (:

reneetlovesyou 30

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Saturday 12 July 2014 2:20

Agreed, if you're not old enough to be out on your own without a curfew, there's a good chance you shouldn't be participating in those activities.

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:05

so I guess you won't be seeing him for a while, eh?

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:15

pocket dialing has nothing to do with this fml actually. the gist of this fml is she wasn't home on time

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:51

the question still stands fyi...

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Friday 29 January 2010 2:08

Actually pocket-dialing has a lot to do with the FML. If he didn't pocket-dial, the parents wouldn't have been notified and there would be no FML.

RKftw 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 3:01

the gist of this fml was her parents heard her maing out too lol

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Friday 29 January 2010 4:01

Nick got played spread the word

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Friday 29 January 2010 5:40

ghcc

EastonxStealth 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 5:43

hehe gist

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Friday 29 January 2010 8:50

what you need is a boyfriend who will run there toungue down ur crack...mmmmm I love smelly butt

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Friday 29 January 2010 15:40

68 makes a fine point

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Friday 29 January 2010 23:40

wat?

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Saturday 10 July 2010 5:45

I did that before!!! I was skipping and my dad called and I accidently answered! I managed to get out of it:)

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:06

so I guess you won't be seeing him for a while, eh?

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:06

YDI for not being home on time.

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Friday 29 January 2010 7:26

Was she not home on time or did she sneak out?

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Friday 29 January 2010 22:14

Oh come on. Like everybody here is always home when your parents say to. Stop acting you you're all god-like children who have never disobeyed (a possibly) unreasonable thing.

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:06

haha

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:08

Sooooo... how was the sex...?

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Friday 29 January 2010 4:23

good..me and ur mom are going for round 2 later

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 2:33

47=win

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:09

seventh

alexandraa_fml 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:10

YDI for dry humping.

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Friday 29 January 2010 3:30

:D

oogyboogy 6

Friday 29 January 2010 11:38

:K beaver

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:15

A voice coming from his pants? "OMG! That thing talks?!?! ...oh it's just my dad."

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:21

haha that was my favorite part of this FML... a voice coming from his pants... teen boys' hormones are talented.

KrisleyelsirK 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 9:27

hahaha that was hilarious!

sjks 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 1:24

shoulda just been liek 'ohhh ummm just calling to say id be a little late!'

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 13

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144