By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn
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Yeah, time to sit his ass down next time he's sober and inform him that getting so plastered that he ignores the fact that he doesn't have consent is NOT okay. To be blunt, trying to have sex- or actually doing so in this case- with someone while they are asleep is rape. If he's getting so drunk he thinks that's acceptable, he needs to quit drinking altogether. If he thinks it's acceptable to do so while sober, that's even more fucked up.
no, humping someone's leg isn't rape. however, I have these talks with my partners (ex. feel free to wake me up for sex, but never wake me WITH sex) because it IS sexual assault if someone involved has not consented, and I personally don't feel comfortable being woken up that way. Some people have reasons they shouldn't be woken like that as well. one day someone may think they're being funny or sexy or whatever, and then they could wind up with charges. just something to keep in mind.
The sexual assault is what I more meant, but I didn't want someone coming along and trying to split hairs on what the specific charges would be. So I went with rape, because at it's simplest, rape means "a sex act done without freely given consent." As to the people not minding that their partner touches them in their sleep- yes, there are probably people that wouldn't mind, but considering that OP made a post about it they very much seem to be bothered, and there are similarly MANY people that would care. The point is, unless there is a standing, spoken agreement that somnophilia is okay between the two of them, it ISN'T okay to try to use someone's body for a sexual act. Which, for the record, humping's someone leg to get off would be frottage, which is a sex act. Lack of consent this WOULD make it a form of rape by definition, even if not by legal definition.
Which is WHY I said that OP needed to TALK TO their husband. Fuck's sake, did it occur to you that MAYBE assuming that someone has consent for a sex act that occurred while one person was unconscious is a worse? Just because they're in a relationship DOESN'T magically mean that OP is magically okay with someone attempting to engage in somnophilia, either. And assuming that because someone is in a relationship means they're okay with being touched in a sexual manner without their consent is WAY slippier of a slope than saying "you should talk to them about that." It wasn't so long ago that a husband saying that his wife "provoked" him was considered a good enough excuse for him to get out of abuse or rape charges. How about NOT backsliding into the "your body belongs to your sexual and romantic partner whether you want it to or not" mindset?