Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She...

By Anonymous - 4/3/2010 10:06 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

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Intimacy

Nice neighborhood

Goodbye Bill

Yappy neighborhood

By Unclicked - 1/8/2009 11:58 - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

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By stinky breath - 15/7/2014 21:24 - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

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By SharkWeek - 27/10/2013 15:26 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

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By wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe - 7/8/2013 20:55 - Sweden

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

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By Snowin2007 - 9/1/2010 08:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 15:41 - United States - Apex

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

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By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

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By Shauna - 8/11/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

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By me - 7/3/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 05:01

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2015 15:55 - United States - Mattawa

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

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By Noname - 28/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

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By oooooopss - 1/4/2012 06:44 - United States - Portland

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

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By adalia - 19/7/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 19:15

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

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By sasquatch21 - 21/2/2010 13:36 - Bahrain

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML

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By leahbeuhh - 5/9/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the way to meet him. While chatting, I told him that I had a rip in my favorite jeans. When he sympathetically apologized, I said "It's okay, you're just going to take them off in a minute, anyway." I forgot my mom was in the car. FML

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By Malíya - 4/5/2015 21:02 - United States - Perth Amboy

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

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By JoeyTheJedi - 18/10/2016 00:31 - United States - Batesville

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

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By Juliett - 29/8/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Good question

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

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By WretchedOwls - 3/3/2016 23:59 - United States - Barberton

Today, after weeks of my brother being laid off from work, I was able to fenagle him an interview for one of the entry level positions at my work. He got the job, only to refuse it because it doesn't pay enough. I thought 9 dollars an hour was a lot more than 0 dollars an hour. FML.

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By clumsy - 26/11/2015 05:35 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2013 20:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

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By OhNo - 13/7/2010 15:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2016 17:07 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

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You deserved it

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By leahkasscar - 6/12/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2015 16:29 - Sri Lanka

Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML

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By mohit - 7/11/2017 15:00

Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML

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By DamnHippieSoap - 29/8/2018 17:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I discovered my washcloths smelled like mushrooms. As I'm allergic to mold, I panicked and spent all day washing every towel and sheet in the house. At last, I went to take a shower and discovered that the mushroom smell was actually emanating from my $5-a-bar organic soap. FML

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By moonstone15 - 6/8/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 20:47 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

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By Username - 26/9/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

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By asdfjkl - 6/9/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2019 00:08

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2010 15:38 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

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By NotInterested - 23/8/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

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By TalkedTo - 14/11/2018 03:00

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

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Top comments

By fisheatsbear | 6

#914040 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:13

so did you?

By PsychoMerk | 0

#914068 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:19

I wish I could fly :(

COMMENTS

By fisheatsbear | 6

#914040 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:13

so did you?

Horney4her69 | 0

#914060 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:18

I hope she did. sucks when you don't get to finish.

Tripout | 0

#914088 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:22

YEA did you. I WOULDNT call this a fake. US GUYS ARE N A DIFFERENT STATE OF MIND ONCE WE GET GOIN

mattbeverly | 0

#914163 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:47

and u asked her 2 join

fisheatsbear | 6

#914165 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:48

oh oh oh oh oh! I got first :)))))

RustyGuns | 0

#914195 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:59

FHL for you bein a selfish tramp and not letting him finish.

selan_fml | 0

#914201 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:01

props!

sublimaze | 6

#914290 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:46

she "flew out of the room" to go ride her dildo. she finished the job, you should have too

mmastermetallica | 0

#914326 - Thursday 4 March 2010 18:16

finish only if time permits, she has to get back to the kitchen asap! or go hot it from behind while she makes the sandwhich. moms busy w her dildo anyway apparently

reyemrein | 0

#914682 - Thursday 4 March 2010 20:55

The FML is that the mom walked in. It's a good thing her bf wanted to finish or else he would show up on gaydar.

myman47 | 0

#914706 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:03

how close to finishing were u

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#914832 - Thursday 4 March 2010 22:12

sounds like my ex when I was already past curfew once again and my dad hated and he always wanted to pull in a abondoned parking lot to have a quicky EVEN THO I WAS ALREADY PAST CURFEW. ugh.

cookiemobzta | 0

#914943 - Thursday 4 March 2010 23:24

you have a good man on your hands

WhatANoob | 0

#916089 - Friday 5 March 2010 5:43

A quicky? fun fun fun fun fun in tha car

killerviral | 0

#916167 - Friday 5 March 2010 6:17

threesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

glen12 | 0

#916372 - Friday 5 March 2010 8:42

u always let the guy finish

homicyd | 0

#917762 - Saturday 6 March 2010 0:56

thats what you get dont do that if your not grown up enough to live on your own.

drilher244 | 0

#918366 - Saturday 6 March 2010 8:37

hey! you can't get a guy started and not let him finish!

Aj4710 | 0

#933387 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:14

BLUE BALLS SUCKS!!!!! FINISH HIM!!!!

kingace | 0

#965957 - Sunday 21 March 2010 22:50

haha 109, i read that and thought of mortal combat.

dancmgg | 0

#970605 - Monday 29 March 2010 16:11

did ya?

MissBoo111 | 21

#2811736 - Sunday 3 July 2011 8:50

keyword "boyfriend" not husband. that's what u get for not having your own place and being not being married before you have sex. I say UDI for being and idiot and having sex before marriage!

cocainewhore | 30

#6079329 - Thursday 2 October 2014 16:43

#102 why? Plenty of guys don't get the girl to finish every time.

By ringmybell_fml | 0

#914041 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:13

yum?

majones | 0

#914065 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:19

My boyfriend is really awesome. FML

vinny916vp | 0

#914143 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:38

wassup

metalhead256 | 0

#914152 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:43

ummmmmm ok?

bihero | 0

#914213 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:06

#3 awesome dp...

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#914383 - Thursday 4 March 2010 18:50

anytime someone is "walked in" it is an automatic ydi!!!

mccarty_2 | 0

#914421 - Thursday 4 March 2010 19:11

u 2 are hot were r u from

abels74 | 0

#917577 - Friday 5 March 2010 23:32

he's gay

By flyer_fan13 | 0

#914066 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:19

fourth bitch

Tripout | 0

#914099 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:24

WRONG bitch

xoxogrrrr93 | 0

#914216 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:07

lmao !

dan13mey | 0

#914298 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:54

Win Tripout.

Dwight_A_R_Manag | 0

#914808 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:52

nope! don't people lock doors anymore. you deserve it for not using your brain

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#914835 - Thursday 4 March 2010 22:14

my room doesn't have a lock on the door...prob for that reason...

that's also probably why I don't have a comp in my room...or that im unable to send pictxts....hmmm

sum1savemeh | 0

#915085 - Friday 5 March 2010 0:35

I don't have a lock on my door either :( my parents won't let me have a cp in my room either

By PsychoMerk | 0

#914068 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:19

I wish I could fly :(

Tripout | 0

#914106 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:26

what

fisheatsbear | 6

#914127 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:33

this made me laugh :D

Fedor_is_KING | 0

#914159 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:45

Hahaha that's great.

17 the OP said the mom "flew" out of the room.

ElMetalero | 0

#914464 - Thursday 4 March 2010 19:43

lmao i could imagine her just flying out the window

By o0XMzMayX0o | 0

#914073 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:20

why are u having sex in ur house?maybe that's why you get "interupted".....

cantfightfate | 0

#914203 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:02

is she supposed to have sex outside? most people I know have sex in their house...most the time anyway :)

CallMeHush | 0

#914292 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:51

Right you have sex in YOUR house, not mom

emmaa3451 | 11

#4119379 - Saturday 3 March 2012 23:21

OP lives with their mom .. *facepalm*

By caralho_fml | 0

#914080 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:21

as if u wouldn't keep goin wats the worst that can happened have sex n not finish it of ur mum knows who cares get the job done n enjoy urself atleast u can b happy about somethin