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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

#21055376
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41424) - you deserved it (5061)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in the middle of telling my mother about my engagement, she suddenly broke down in tears about her problems at work and her loveless marriage, and abruptly hung up on me. FML

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41208) - you deserved it (8358)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

#21074103
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41139) - you deserved it (3352)

On 02/28/2014 at 3:01pm - kids - by HeMayHaveSomeIssues (man) - Denmark

Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

#21050005
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40950) - you deserved it (4381)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:16am - misc - by Lithiac - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

#21072333
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40898) - you deserved it (5741)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after months of looking at cribs and picking out the perfect one for my unborn daughter, the store informed me that they no longer make that crib, even though the model is right there on the sales floor. I had to leave as my hormones got the best of me and I started bawling. FML

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

#21057222
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40507) - you deserved it (3243)

On 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

#21046895
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40476) - you deserved it (5815)

On 02/01/2014 at 3:11am - love - by zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

#21065125
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40345) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:12am - work - by Dsark (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

#21073158
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40244) - you deserved it (3373)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by SchoolFMLs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40006) - you deserved it (5395)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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