Miscellaneous: Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the...

By BookBabe - 25/03/2012 15:34 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 37 836

Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

Thanks for the support

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 168

You deserved it 44 802

* backs away slowly *

By tima - 27/06/2018 01:30

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 861

You deserved it 851

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 18:59 - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 498

You deserved it 14 930

Troublemaker

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 05:01

Today, a new hire at my workplace, who is already on probation, yelled at me about filing an HR complaint about him. I had customers, who definitely heard. I've never filed a complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 65

By d4rkxf0x - 22/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 005

You deserved it 4 207

By OhCanada - 22/07/2019 20:00

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 261

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 768

You deserved it 45 638

By mathii - 23/07/2011 23:52 - France

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 687

You deserved it 6 134

By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/09/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 286

You deserved it 2 871

Motel 6 to 9

By gregm97 - 06/06/2020 05:03

Today, after my family and I returned to our motel after a long day trip, we saw that the room was made. As we were getting ready to sleep, I pulled my sheets back to find a large piece of crap smeared all over the bed. When we told the front desk about this, they told us to "fuck off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 153

By annoyed - 11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 851

You deserved it 1 392

By peevedemployee - 25/12/2013 06:38 - United States

Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 062

You deserved it 9 258

By Anonymous - 08/09/2015 22:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 754

You deserved it 2 855

See ya!

By inefficiencies - 02/02/2021 05:10

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 46

By what - 11/06/2015 22:46 - United States - Livermore

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 909

You deserved it 2 098

Great comparaison, dude

By Betrayed - 14/10/2021 22:59

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement when my doctor told me that I was infertile. Apparently, I’m now “useless” to him. When I mentioned adoption, he basically compared it to suggesting Pepsi when you want Coke. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 146

By lucas - 12/12/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 543

You deserved it 3 163

By SoGoodAtLife - 09/03/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 283

You deserved it 6 591

By me. - 01/12/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 446

You deserved it 7 313

By Ticklish - 13/04/2014 09:33 - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 600

You deserved it 4 433

By Gbeat411 - 25/06/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 991

You deserved it 71 084

By Steph - 21/06/2009 12:05 - Bulgaria

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 322

You deserved it 3 258

By Fooled Wife - 14/09/2018 14:30

Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 563

You deserved it 263

By raven_of_azarath - 29/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 128

By Blazouta - 11/11/2008 08:32 - France

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 008

You deserved it 4 561

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 10:08 - United States - San Antonio

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 510

You deserved it 2 260

Tense

By Anonymous - 23/05/2020 17:00

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 014

You deserved it 190

By MisterMisinformed - 01/09/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I found out that Whoopi Goldberg was NOT Oprah Winfrey's stage name. I was then laughed at for ages by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 957

You deserved it 57 243

By hateskool888581 - 12/01/2010 00:28 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 830

You deserved it 2 335

By BlueSuit - 14/02/2016 19:20 - United States - New York

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 458

You deserved it 1 392

The virus claims another victim

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 16:58

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 145

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 08:00

Today, my mom walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. Later, police turned up because mom thought she was underage. I had to desperately prove to some very angry officers that I met my girlfriend at university, and she’s almost a year older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 145

By John - 10/07/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 50 487

By shit.... - 08/11/2012 18:25 - Malaysia - Kuala Selangor

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 578

You deserved it 31 241

By Anonymous - 09/08/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 349

You deserved it 54 211

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 12:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 294

You deserved it 3 503

By Anonymous - 08/04/2015 10:52 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 819

You deserved it 18 825

By Megan Snair - 01/09/2019 04:01

Today, my cat threw up on the floor while I was taking a nap. I woke up, still groggy from the nap, and walked over to the bathroom. Not only did I slip on the vomit, spreading it all over the floor and myself, I think I somehow broke a toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 175

By bex - 07/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 529

You deserved it 2 167

By Cupcakes - 15/04/2013 05:11 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 565

You deserved it 53 377

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Top comments

kieferr 8

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:43

Maybe you should shower...

Ijas 2

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:43

You got that mud butt?

Afonya 2

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:43

FIRST!

alpaca18 0

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:45

no one gives a fuck

TheSuperSpicer 6

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:46

yeah, because that's original and not at all annoying.

rcgirl2 11

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:50

Congrats! Want a cookie and some warm milk? -_-

_Oblivion_ 12

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:30

It's funny to see all the comments about the idiotic first posters.

blackheart24 10

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:33

What was number ones comment?? I missed it lol.

GoWithTheFro 9

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:49

The comment was 'first', just if you're wondering.

Danny0522 8

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:49

49- I didn't see it either but based on the previous comments I think it was somewhere on the lines of "FIRST!!!"

Ijas 2

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:43

You got that mud butt?

monkeysareyummy 0

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:26

Crusty butt

ClassyCommando 13

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:55

Santorum.

rocker_chick105 31

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Sunday 25 March 2012 23:13

As long as OP doesn't give anyone one of those Brazillian lap dances... *shudders*

coldashell 23

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Monday 26 March 2012 3:21

Swamp ass?

Cutieday101 0

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Monday 26 March 2012 4:12

Swamp ass ? Genius, I think I'll use that from now on. Bwahahahaha

Dylman 6

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Monday 26 March 2012 5:51

165 - How long has it been since you were in English class?

BunBunBabe 8

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Monday 26 March 2012 19:32

Hahah love all the sanatorum references

sublimaze 6

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Tuesday 27 March 2012 23:45

Flies like a lot of "junk" in the trunk

zomgbies 17

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Friday 16 August 2013 19:08

Wash that dirty ass!

kieferr 8

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:43

Maybe you should shower...

X_Codes 11

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:48

Or at least wipe...

margie2194 12

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Sunday 25 March 2012 22:53

Or maybe stop wearing thongs to the beach.

hellryu 20

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Monday 26 March 2012 0:14

She was at the pool.

kieferr 8

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Monday 26 March 2012 0:30

Seriously!

margie2194 12

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Monday 26 March 2012 0:40

Lol yeah sorry pool. Still my point stands... If it's a public pool :)

kawaiisakura 12

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Monday 26 March 2012 1:10

Agreed. In my opinion, if im out at the pool or beach or wherever, i dont wanna see a girls butt. If young kids were around, theyd be seeing way more than they should.

twilightluvr101 4

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Monday 26 March 2012 4:06

If op was at a private pool then she should wear what she wants, but if its in public then you really shouldn't be wearing that......and of you do you should really dosome cleaning in advance...

kieferr 8

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Monday 26 March 2012 4:38

It doesn't matter, she needs personal hygiene.

pslcdsl 9

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:43

They we just attracted by your sexiness

KiddNYC1O 20

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:45

They like to be all up there!

Azula272 14

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Monday 26 March 2012 4:39

Skid marks are delicious feasts for all future fly maggots

pslcdsl 9

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Monday 26 March 2012 7:34

whoopsies *were. well this is embarassing.. =_='

pokefan813 16

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Monday 26 March 2012 22:59

That's weird, I never saw that mistake untill you pointed it out xD

pslcdsl 9

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Monday 26 March 2012 23:27

Yeah stuff happens.. it's just like "the awkward when blablabla" and you don't notice there's no moment... yeah

Lasagnaa 24

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Friday 20 September 2013 9:26

Strange. I didn't notice the "were" but I noticed the word "moment" was missing lol

ashl123 19

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Sunday 25 March 2012 20:44

I hope you weren't at the community pool

aruam365 24

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Sunday 25 March 2012 21:24

I was too. I'm all for women wearing bikinis so long as they have the body to wear one and the bikini covers the important bits but 99.99% of your ass shouldn't be showing in public unless it's a nude beach or if you want to look easy.

twilightluvr101 4

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Monday 26 March 2012 4:10

@ #72, wow I couldn't agree more, if you are comfortable with a bikini then wear one, the important part is that you accept yourself as who you are :-)!

TunechiXXL 0

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Monday 26 March 2012 4:40

72 - Yes to each there own but trust me, there are some things I just don't want to see. They shouldn't feel free to look disgusting.....

chili10 18

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Monday 26 March 2012 10:19

Just because a woman is, let's just say... Curvier ... Doesn't mean they should be forced to cover up when it is socially acceptable for other, more petite woman to run around showing 98% of their bodies. I think it's great when i see women of all shapes and sizes indulge in wearing bikinis. As long as they feel confident and comfortable in their own skin, who are we to judge?

Annpop 1

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Monday 26 March 2012 23:50

Bikinis r waste .. Haha

mariet_fml 23

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Monday 26 March 2012 23:58

#17: I think you mean a bit too little.

alyssaroxs 4

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Thursday 16 August 2012 23:30

So true

angeluv_2014 22

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Saturday 4 January 2014 7:37

If you think that way then your original opinion of the thong bikini is a little hypocritical, no? The whole point is appropriateness... and a large woman (and by large I mean inappropriately overweight) in a two piece is just as disturbing as OP's ass.