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Tuesday 27 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

#20856558
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54527) - you deserved it (4892)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39881) - you deserved it (2542)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32017) - you deserved it (55247)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31916) - you deserved it (8541)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

#20862628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47106) - you deserved it (3317)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:40am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40648) - you deserved it (2540)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41093) - you deserved it (14517)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40374) - you deserved it (8021)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43948) - you deserved it (4990)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

#20864490
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52625) - you deserved it (5989)

On 09/02/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44655) - you deserved it (2622)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39045) - you deserved it (3228)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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