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Tuesday 27 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

#20854811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44437) - you deserved it (3675)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by 4_and_20_blackbits (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

#20863852
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42110) - you deserved it (14677)

On 09/01/2013 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40326) - you deserved it (8017)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43914) - you deserved it (4986)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46544) - you deserved it (11430)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44622) - you deserved it (2618)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

#20855295
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56582) - you deserved it (4088)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

#20856967
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46832) - you deserved it (6791)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm - love - by dhskkf (man) - United States

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46591) - you deserved it (3445)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38986) - you deserved it (2754)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45518) - you deserved it (5736)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)



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