Hard shoulder

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 08:00

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 193

Sing me to sleep

Lockdown blues

I can't eat these

By pleasestop - 01/05/2014 02:13 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, the family in the apartment next to me decided to give their 4-year-old kid a recorder. It's been three hours. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 654

You deserved it 3 680

By Hreid254 - 05/02/2016 16:07 - United States - Temple

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 976

You deserved it 1 695

By liilii - 30/08/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 6 667

Take care

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 91

Seasons greetings to you too

By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58 - United States - Denver

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 69

Simple plan

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 139

By 1fungi - 07/12/2010 05:25

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 959

You deserved it 5 408

By carnivore - 22/09/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 474

You deserved it 5 876

By Hairylass - 02/10/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I have an odd habit of plucking the tiny white hairs on my upper lip when I am overly stressed. But only the right side. I noticed when examining my face and seeing they'd all come back black. I've got half a mustache. I'm female. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 387

You deserved it 624

By sarahrachel - 15/12/2015 03:30 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 961

You deserved it 5 017

By ConfusedGirl - 15/12/2015 13:03 - United States - Pittsford

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 056

You deserved it 2 214

By bitchypast - 27/01/2015 23:50 - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 2 245

By unlovedfatty - 16/12/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 479

You deserved it 4 951

By ThatAintLogical - 18/12/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 113

You deserved it 2 531

Smooth moves

By ouch - 25/03/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 880

You deserved it 26 213

By Jjh99q - 03/10/2017 22:30 - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 387

You deserved it 654

By unlucky22 - 22/10/2017 19:00

Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 563

You deserved it 376

Felt so bad

By "princessmia" - 13/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Sequim

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 2 311

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 09:21 - Canada

Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male best friend. I chose my husband. My husband then admitted to me that he was hoping I would choose my best friend so he would have an excuse to leave me and wouldn't have to tell me he's been cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 775

You deserved it 4 512

Weirdo alert

By imaginary coelacanth - 20/12/2020 14:02

Today, a customer came into the store I work at to ask why I hadn't killed myself yet. A month prior, that same customer told me to kill myself. All I did was compliment her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 59

By Mr. Headshot - 25/04/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 610

You deserved it 3 509

F*ck the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 19:58

Today, I watched as my girlfriend painfully plucked her eyebrows for half an hour. She is willing to do this, but not shave her armpits on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 986

By InfamousLastWord - 27/03/2013 19:34 - United States

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 404

You deserved it 6 193

Cheers

By imgoingtofreakout - 26/12/2017 19:00

Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 415

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 3 035

By footscratching - 28/01/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 478

You deserved it 4 460

By GrossedOut - 11/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 852

You deserved it 2 404

By RoommateWanted - 10/09/2013 21:02 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 850

You deserved it 3 350

Nice timing

By Mee - 10/09/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 13 364

By Nicky_ham - 06/01/2016 04:56 - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 559

You deserved it 1 625

By Anonymous - 02/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Burlington

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 402

You deserved it 5 592

By katiebug - 12/07/2016 02:27 - United States - Topeka

Today, I was trying to get a good night's sleep before the huge exam tomorrow, which I'm extremely anxious about. The SAME night my neighbor below me is having a home birth. It lasted NINE HOURS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 166

You deserved it 1 077

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 952

You deserved it 26 765

By halfie - 26/09/2015 05:06 - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 33 280

Chill out, dudebro

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 20:00

Today, my hair is so long hair that it touches my shoulders now. My father attempted to bribe me into cutting my hair several times. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 215

By evilsandwich - 06/03/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 918

You deserved it 2 124

Take a hike

By bummed - 14/04/2014 01:57

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 768

You deserved it 12 311

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 857

You deserved it 1 573

By Anonymous - 06/04/2014 21:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 752

You deserved it 13 826

Almost there

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 05:05

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 171

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Top comments

123Puppy 32

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Thursday 4 June 2020 14:00

You should tell him to not forgive her and to move on, and you should move on from him yourself. You deserve a guy with self respect.

ahabsfan 14

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2020 12:14

It’s time to be honest with yourself. You know he’s no good. Move on.

Comments

ahabsfan 14

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2020 12:14

It’s time to be honest with yourself. You know he’s no good. Move on.

123Puppy 32

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2020 14:00

You should tell him to not forgive her and to move on, and you should move on from him yourself. You deserve a guy with self respect.

magnumpeyote66 6

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2020 14:18

Seems like a golden opportunity What are you doing wasting your time here? Go get him Better to try and fail than live in regret

bl3ur0z3 17

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Thursday 4 June 2020 20:06

Was he an asshole to you? If so, he should cry a river. If not, suck it up and try to be a good friend.

Brightside86 28

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Saturday 6 June 2020 5:56

You should be honest with yourself, and get him back!

faithhh 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 9 June 2020 8:26

If she cheated on him in that short amount of time it’s not worth it! (Not siding with him. I’m saying he’s stupid to not see that.)

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 92

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 2 560