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I Would have wrote more to be more specific but the site doesn't allow that much words. This is what happened: "Imagine a car moving in front of the whole school with legs sticking out of the window..." All My Friends laughed, my mom never knew, she never stopped, i was scared as **** to speak so i just got half of my body out in time as she drove off. She then stopped the car & realized asap & asked if i was okay. I was like "o.O?!"

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

By helen_ - 23/04/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 553

You deserved it 6 065

By emmingle - 13/05/2013 23:05 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 116

You deserved it 3 044

By youjustsuck - 25/07/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 287

You deserved it 12 801

Alexa, play "This is a Low" by Blur

By IHaveThePower - 17/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, the month-long muscle spasms that have been shoving my hips out of joint went to a new low. My whole body feels like I have the flu, with muscle aches and tension. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome does not mix well with PMDD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 106

Judgmental people are the worst

By samantha - 09/03/2021 16:59

Today, I was called a horrible excuse for a mother just for buying formula for my baby. I just don’t produce any milk of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 143

Susssy baka

By Anonymous - 26/04/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she thinks my fiancé might be gay, because he won't cheat on me with her, like all my past boyfriends did. I'm sorry? My past boyfriends did WHAT with WHO? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 157

By oh shit - 06/07/2014 19:28 - United States - Palatine

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 786

You deserved it 8 725

By Anonymous - 10/05/2013 23:16 - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 450

You deserved it 5 635

By someone - 23/07/2011 08:50 - United States

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 574

You deserved it 4 460

By MALICEG - 26/05/2012 07:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 4 801

By Anonymous - 28/06/2014 20:40 - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 363

You deserved it 4 644

By shanxi - 23/05/2012 18:47 - United States

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 698

You deserved it 2 518

By KatrinaKitten - 16/07/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook the food right in front of you. Our chef tossed an egg in the air, but sadly didn't catch it. Don't worry though, my hair got it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 101

You deserved it 3 556

By babysitter - 17/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 631

You deserved it 3 815

By Lunar-Spice - 23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 1 018

By DemiRawrs - 01/05/2013 17:23 - United States

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 698

You deserved it 4 715

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 046

You deserved it 3 317

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 921

You deserved it 11 192

By FirstDaddy - 16/06/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 327

You deserved it 4 484

FML Shitflix - Guess the Film!

By FML Approved - 11/07/2017 18:30 - France - Paris

We are pleased to introduce the latest addition to the FML video library: SHITFLIX! Listen carefully to the actors in this mashup of clips to figure out what movie they're describing. If you manage to guess right before the end, comment below!

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 162

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Grandparents Parents Kids Love Divorce Weird Cancer Scams Tinder Miscellaneous Relatable Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing Birthday Awkward Shoes Clothes Food Job interview Work Teenagers Sex Intimacy Health Medication Ironic Painful Bikes

The Top

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739 154

You deserved it 496 190

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because he "didn't believe in marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 900

You deserved it 4 874

Random

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 290

You deserved it 8 266

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 376

You deserved it 58 548

Today, I was told I can't renew my Identity Card without a Social Security Card, and I can't get a replacement Social Security Card without an Identity Card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 448

You deserved it 528

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 278

Today, the crazy bitch next door called the cops for me spying on her from my bathroom window. That window was painted shut by the previous owner, and I haven’t unsealed it yet. I had to show this to the cops to prove I have no illegal motive for pissing in my own toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 79

Today, I'd planned a surprise party for my best friend's birthday. However, she apparently found out about it and told me at the last minute she couldn't make it, probably to avoid being the center of attention. I'd already invited all of our mutual friends, so I had to awkwardly cancel the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 580