Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she...

By Anonymous - 28/6/2014 20:40 - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Age ain't nothing but a number

The student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 4/12/2018 14:00

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2018 15:00

(facepalm)

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

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By helper - 1/12/2009 06:15 - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

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By teinage - 2/5/2011 18:47 - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

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By Anon - 28/5/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

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By jl_word - 4/2/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 03:47 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

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By Need Help - 5/10/2017 16:30 - United States - Victorville

Today, my grandma went for a walk after being told that she has a bad heart and a fall could be fatal. She fell, fracturing both wrists, and is now in casts and can't do anything herself. Turned out it was only fatal to my college semester. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 11:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2017 09:13

Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 02:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

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By failedparenting - 7/9/2016 16:44 - United States - Bronx

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

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By Farah - 26/9/2016 14:42 - Bangladesh

Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

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By me - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

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By highschoolsucks - 5/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

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By AcademicAdvisor - 25/4/2016 20:14 - United States - Boston

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2020 01:00

Fast and Furious

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

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By Grinch - 24/12/2016 12:08

Today, it's Xmas Eve, and my partner's quick afternoon catch-up with his friends has turned into 5 messy drunks in our house at 1am. So it's no to the "us" time evening we had planned before spending tomorrow with our families who live over 3 hours away. Guess who had promised to drive and now can't? FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

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By raven_of_azarath - 29/7/2019 02:00

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2019 16:00

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2015 15:29 - United States

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

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By littl3storm - 9/6/2020 05:04

Summertime sadness

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 11:47 - United States - Taunton

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

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By bushwhacker - 5/3/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

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By nano123 - 17/4/2020 08:00

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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By EosHelios - 27/2/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

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By copycat - 19/3/2015 05:05 - United States - Norco

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2015 01:50 - United States - Wilmington

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

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By NoSacredSpace - 19/5/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

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By dontpanic - 21/9/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

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Top comments

By cherries62212 | 16

#5991533 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Monster-in-law award goes to this one! Sorry op, she has some problems.

By cjlerch | 29

#5991536 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

She seems 'special' in her own little ways, too.

Comments

By cherries62212 | 16

#5991533 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Monster-in-law award goes to this one! Sorry op, she has some problems.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#5991678 - Sunday 29 June 2014 3:50

She's drawn first blood in this war of several decades.

vintage_doll_89 | 8

#5991739 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:21

Ooh, I'd un-invite her so quick...

vintage_doll_89 | 8

#5991743 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:23

On the upside, she's making herself look like a total asshole...it says more about her than it does you. That's low and pretty damn pathetic.

FroggerForReal | 11

#5991763 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:45

it would be wise to move very far away to avoid contact with her add much as possible.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5991769 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:51

Gotta love the monster in laws...

By mkymouse90 | 17

#5991534 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

I'm sorry.. maybe it was just a mistake..

Welshite | 39

#5991542 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

You mean "mistake".

Crazc | 15

#5991543 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

....

no

davidpropert | 32

#5991544 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

I don't think referring to the bride as 'special' and misspelling her name was on accident

ProfessorUnlucky | 10

#5991574 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:51

How do you accidentally call someone 'special'?

soullyfe | 33

#5991587 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:55

#9: You mean the groom ;)

amicusbriefs | 10

#5991710 - Sunday 29 June 2014 4:34

Like #9, I too thought OP was the bride without looking...

illusong | 16

#5991782 - Sunday 29 June 2014 6:10

@#2 what kind of mother spells her own daughter's name wrong and "accidentally" put "special"

Nymeria_fml | 25

#5991790 - Sunday 29 June 2014 6:17

58, the kind who is not really the mother, but actually the soon-to-be mother-in-law.

By person961 | 9

#5991535 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

There's a reason they're referred to as "monster-in-laws" hahaha

By cjlerch | 29

#5991536 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

She seems 'special' in her own little ways, too.

By alligator729 | 15

#5991538 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Is your husband going to do something about this..? It is HIS bitchy mother...

soullyfe | 33

#5991591 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:57

More like the bride needs to do something. OP is the groom.

alligator729 | 15

#5991602 - Sunday 29 June 2014 2:04

Well shit, this is true. I wonder why the hell the bride let that happen then.

91hayek | 31

#5991616 - Sunday 29 June 2014 2:14

Or it could be a gay wedding so you could be right all along.

By acommonman | 23

#5991541 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:33

i'm surprised you even trusted your mother-in-law with that

AlwaysWatching | 27

#5992139 - Sunday 29 June 2014 16:56

Maybe she just insisted and OP had to give in.

By CliffyB03 | 28

#5991546 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

I'm gonna go ahead and say it's your fault. If you knew she didn't like you, why put her in charge of something special like that?

rocker_chick23 | 27

#5991593 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:59

OP's future wife probably let her do the invitations. The OP doesn't deserve any of this.

awkward_gothlady | 32

#5991605 - Sunday 29 June 2014 2:07

Maybe he thought including her in the wedding preparations would help her warm up to him, or maybe he just had no idea how juvenile she was going to act.

MisterGasMoney | 16

#5991721 - Sunday 29 June 2014 4:51

In charge of something "Special"?

By mageepaigeee44 | 15

#5991551 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:35

For some reason I thought of that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Tula's mom spells the mother in law's name Harry instead of Harriet on the invitations. This is why the husband and bride should look over the invitations before ordering them.

By AGFDS1004 | 2

#5991554 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:36

What's your fiancé doing about this?

By Cynical_D_Luffy | 10

#5991555 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:36

Well, that's a pretty low strike.