Miscellaneous: Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she...

By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

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Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

Triage

Compassionate dad, huh?

By feelthesting - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

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By dontfencemein - United States

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

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By INeedaNewJob - United States - Kent

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

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By BarhydtBran - United States - San Francisco

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

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By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

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By Michaelichael - United States

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

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By hatboxghost - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

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By jitterbug - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

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By stupid - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

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By clumsy - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

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By Cian_1 - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

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By laurenh211 - 17/11/2020 17:02 - United Kingdom

It was the painkillers, I swear

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML

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By KennyDidIt - United States - Grand Bay

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

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By no - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

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By impure - United States

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

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By TaintedL0v3 - United Kingdom - London

Heavy session last night?

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

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By pancakessdsjsn - United States - Lake Forest

Today, while cleaning tables at the fast food place where I work, I had to remove two human teeth from a table top. FML

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By Deadmeat

Throw the bill at the kid. Do it.

Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML

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By Sleepless - Australia

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

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By - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Great Mills

Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML

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By gumbymn - 17/3/2021 00:30

Wakey wakey

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

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By Grant - United States

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mattawa

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

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By Depressedegg

He can run, but he can't hide

Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML

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By nokeys - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

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By muddled - United States - Joliet

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

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By androgynous - United States

TSA

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

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By kylie - 2/4/2021 17:01

Unimpressed

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

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By scooterbyrd

Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

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By guiltyschuldig49 - 25/4/2020 23:00

Boozehound alert

Today, I'm exhausted. For the second time, my fiancé and I have pulled my future sister-in-law off the pavement naked and drunk at 3 a.m. and couldn't find the purse or glasses she had with her. She’s hungover and has completely blacked out what happened. Never again giving her a place to crash. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

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Top comments

By cherries62212 | 16

#5991533 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Monster-in-law award goes to this one! Sorry op, she has some problems.

By cjlerch | 29

#5991536 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

She seems 'special' in her own little ways, too.

COMMENTS

By cherries62212 | 16

#5991533 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Monster-in-law award goes to this one! Sorry op, she has some problems.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#5991678 - Sunday 29 June 2014 3:50

She's drawn first blood in this war of several decades.

vintage_doll_89 | 8

#5991739 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:21

Ooh, I'd un-invite her so quick...

vintage_doll_89 | 8

#5991743 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:23

On the upside, she's making herself look like a total asshole...it says more about her than it does you. That's low and pretty damn pathetic.

FroggerForReal | 11

#5991763 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:45

it would be wise to move very far away to avoid contact with her add much as possible.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5991769 - Sunday 29 June 2014 5:51

Gotta love the monster in laws...

By mkymouse90 | 17

#5991534 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Welshite | 39

#5991542 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

You mean "mistake".

Crazc | 15

#5991543 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

....

no

davidpropert | 32

#5991544 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

I don't think referring to the bride as 'special' and misspelling her name was on accident

ProfessorUnlucky | 10

#5991574 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:51

How do you accidentally call someone 'special'?

soullyfe | 33

#5991587 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:55

#9: You mean the groom ;)

amicusbriefs | 10

#5991710 - Sunday 29 June 2014 4:34

Like #9, I too thought OP was the bride without looking...

illusong | 16

#5991782 - Sunday 29 June 2014 6:10

@#2 what kind of mother spells her own daughter's name wrong and "accidentally" put "special"

Nymeria_fml | 25

#5991790 - Sunday 29 June 2014 6:17

58, the kind who is not really the mother, but actually the soon-to-be mother-in-law.

By person961 | 9

#5991535 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

There's a reason they're referred to as "monster-in-laws" hahaha

By cjlerch | 29

#5991536 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

She seems 'special' in her own little ways, too.

By alligator729 | 15

#5991538 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:32

Is your husband going to do something about this..? It is HIS bitchy mother...

soullyfe | 33

#5991591 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:57

More like the bride needs to do something. OP is the groom.

alligator729 | 15

#5991602 - Sunday 29 June 2014 2:04

Well shit, this is true. I wonder why the hell the bride let that happen then.

91hayek | 31

#5991616 - Sunday 29 June 2014 2:14

Or it could be a gay wedding so you could be right all along.

By acommonman | 23

#5991541 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:33

i'm surprised you even trusted your mother-in-law with that

AlwaysWatching | 27

#5992139 - Sunday 29 June 2014 16:56

Maybe she just insisted and OP had to give in.

By CliffyB03 | 28

#5991546 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:34

I'm gonna go ahead and say it's your fault. If you knew she didn't like you, why put her in charge of something special like that?

rocker_chick23 | 27

#5991593 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:59

OP's future wife probably let her do the invitations. The OP doesn't deserve any of this.

awkward_gothlady | 32

#5991605 - Sunday 29 June 2014 2:07

Maybe he thought including her in the wedding preparations would help her warm up to him, or maybe he just had no idea how juvenile she was going to act.

MisterGasMoney | 16

#5991721 - Sunday 29 June 2014 4:51

In charge of something "Special"?

By mageepaigeee44 | 15

#5991551 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:35

For some reason I thought of that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Tula's mom spells the mother in law's name Harry instead of Harriet on the invitations. This is why the husband and bride should look over the invitations before ordering them.

By AGFDS1004 | 2

#5991554 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:36

What's your fiancé doing about this?

By Cynical_D_Luffy | 10

#5991555 - Sunday 29 June 2014 1:36

Well, that's a pretty low strike.