Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded...

By Lunar-Spice - 23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 927

Compromises

All over

Kids are gross

By Anonyme - 26/06/2015 00:40 - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 451

You deserved it 2 599

By Blueshock08 - 23/02/2012 07:03 - United States

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 3 007

Good initiative

By cough - 27/12/2019 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 211

By GamingWolfy5 - 27/06/2019 06:36

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 2 794

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 774

You deserved it 31 079

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 01:23 - Japan

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 398

You deserved it 4 048

By no one - 19/06/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 217

You deserved it 10 878

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 596

You deserved it 29 237

By goodbyepromotion - 30/08/2013 06:28 - United States - Dayton

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 517

You deserved it 41 781

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 480

You deserved it 7 686

Yummy

By Nawel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I helped myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I didn't like it much so I discreetly attempted to give it to the girl next to me. I asked her, "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replied, "Thanks, I made it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 205

You deserved it 35 961

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 370

By omgfmlhard - 11/05/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 658

You deserved it 11 989

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 16:09 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 610

You deserved it 3 671

By fired - 04/11/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 828

You deserved it 2 658

Hard pass

By Mew - 04/06/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 128

You deserved it 4 078

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 00:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 346

You deserved it 7 273

By MonsieurH - 03/04/2014 07:44 - France - Perros-guirec

Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 568

You deserved it 48 136

By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 376

You deserved it 690

By tenniemo - 12/01/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 577

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 118

You deserved it 132 725

By cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 939

By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 947

You deserved it 5 582

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 20:58 - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 842

You deserved it 1 779

By ana9 - 12/01/2009 15:56 - France

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 974

You deserved it 6 793

Thanks, I hate it

By effmylife - 23/10/2009 10:09 - United States

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 685

You deserved it 3 643

By mindlost - 07/01/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 29 394

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 496

You deserved it 6 183

By FullMonty - 15/09/2012 23:26 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 010

You deserved it 3 954

By CheapFamily - 09/04/2014 23:47 - United States

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 421

You deserved it 3 793

By Anonymous - 02/10/2011 20:35 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 842

You deserved it 14 825

Weird assumption

By writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 6 285

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 3 780

I blame the parents

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 20:01 - Panama - Cuba

Today, after being kicked out of our school for leaving the country, neither of my guardians want to take charge of our education. So me, being sixteen, I have to do hundreds of assignments for my sister and me, who was already supposed to have graduated. Yay "Home schooling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 106

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 191

You deserved it 8 509

By Anon - 14/04/2016 22:23 - United States

Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 379

You deserved it 6 680

By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 777

You deserved it 4 733

Intervention

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 02:01

Today, my sister got in a screaming argument with my girlfriend, who then dumped me. My whole family started celebrating. Apparently, they staged the argument to get rid of her because no one liked her, and I should be grateful they did me such a big favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 186

By itisthedude - 10/09/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 790

You deserved it 76 506

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 865

You deserved it 3 960

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Top comments

Sagar Nair 11

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 4:11

Needs more info. Clearly you might have done something for her to immediately file a report on you just for asking her out

Memnoc 26

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 5:53

Never date anyone that's a coworker. It's bad for you, bad for them, and bad for the company. If\when you break up, the animosity will make work suffer. Still dating and have a heated argument, again work suffers. Just bad all around.

Sagar Nair 11

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 4:11

Needs more info. Clearly you might have done something for her to immediately file a report on you just for asking her out

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 5:09

maybe the girl she asked out was straight ? maybe even a little homophobic ?

kfchicken 31

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 5:32

or maybe not. we need more info regardless before making a judgement call

Memnoc 26

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 5:53

LostSoul 19

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 7:32

Keep work and private life separate.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 8:43

You never ask a coworker out unless you are absolutely sure she wants to go. Otherwise, you’re creating a “hostile work environment.”

Skydome6666 6

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 12:08

Although she may have overreacted I'd still say ydi. never date or even ask out people you work with

Mathalamus 24

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 12:50

Yeah, don't ever do tat.

Stefan Lindblom 5

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 13:32

I am sorry to hear that you are ugly.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 23 July 2019 17:43

Pot, kettle, black, chief.

skippydoda 32

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Wednesday 24 July 2019 1:44

This is why they have the saying "don't shit where you eat"

core01 30

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Wednesday 24 July 2019 4:51

JFC, use tinder, not the company directory.

MitiMiki 16

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Wednesday 24 July 2019 6:22

I think there is more to this than OP is sharing. It is not harassment to ask a coworker on a date, however it is harassment to ask said coworker out on a date repeatedly, not accepting no for an answer. The workplace has a strict one and done policy.