Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting... - FML

By LifeSucks - 8/11/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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Family values

Instadrama

You snooze, you lose

By crazyman. - 12/5/2012 05:27 - United States - Keller

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 14:33 - United States - Brownwood

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

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By birchbeer - 11/5/2015 19:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 03:29 - United States - Panora

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

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By sadinseattle - 22/7/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2015 18:23 - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2016 23:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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By frustrated - 13/1/2013 06:39 - United States - Miami

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

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By SadAndAlone - 3/12/2015 16:41 - Sweden - Nacka

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

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By Hormones apparently - 8/12/2015 02:32 - United States - Westerville

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

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By Tallow101 - 23/7/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2016 10:36 - Ukraine - Poltava

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

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By Tiak - 30/3/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

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By Scarred Nephew - 10/5/2016 22:28 - United States - Allen

Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

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By Laci - 30/4/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

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By craigtm029429 - 2/3/2012 00:47 - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

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By nofatchicks - 12/5/2014 23:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

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By Me - 20/6/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

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By Less Friendship, More Cash - 6/5/2016 11:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

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By peepeepainter - 7/1/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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By I need cuddles - 26/8/2019 20:00

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

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By rahhhnnnn - 25/4/2020 02:00

You can't win sometimes

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

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By theoftrescheduled - 3/9/2014 00:35 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

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By cockblockedbyFB - 6/6/2015 13:01 - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

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By potatoehead178 - 28/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Fairfield

I should?

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

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By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2017 16:00

Today, I confronted my lousy, loud, messy neighbors about the trash they throw in my yard. They responded by throwing my trash in their yard, then called the police to report me for vandalism and illegal dumping when I returned their trash. Guess who has a court appearance in two weeks. FML

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By bex - 7/1/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

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By jaderie - 21/4/2012 09:26 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

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By loveyouson - 9/1/2013 18:48 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

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By emperor - 21/7/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

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By fuck you retail - 27/5/2013 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

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By Taylor - 2/7/2019 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

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By Noname - 7/2/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

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By Roll Tide of Tears - 17/1/2016 03:28 - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 01:30

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 10:43 - United States

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

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Top comments

By chellinha93 | 0

#660621 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:23

She said when she 'finally called her boss', meaning when she found a place with a phone or asked someone so she could call. OP, your boss is a jackass for not believing in you. FYL

By jchansfan | 0

#660620 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:22

Knowing this site, I'm waiting for the "But women can't change tires! D:" commment... Because, well, you guys are predictable. lmao :P

Comments

By illy88 | 0

#660600 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:10

first! how did u call ur boss when ur cell got stolen?..and why didnt u run after the guy? umm i believe this is fake..

Reply

jchansfan | 0

#660628 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:32

There are other phones...? -looks on with wonder-

:P

Reply

BurpusMe | 0

#660660 - Sunday 8 November 2009 13:25

If you used an iPhone they wouldn't have had to steal: your CD's, phone and iPod.

Reply

evangldbrg | 0

#660864 - Sunday 8 November 2009 17:11

I guarantee this is fake. You have too much of an overactive imagination and make up good stories, thanks for entertaining us though.

Reply

cackle | 0

#661031 - Sunday 8 November 2009 19:57

Even your boss knows it is fake.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#661924 - Monday 9 November 2009 6:02

File a police report; show copy of report to your boss. People tend to not get that intricate in their excuses. If he still doesn't believe you, poop in his cornflakes.

Reply

lyssalicious | 0

#662097 - Monday 9 November 2009 9:39

hahahaha! i cant help but think:
"First, i got mugged, then i got fired for having an overactive imagination, then i came on FML and they didnt even believe me and instead accused me of the same thing. FML"
hahhahahahaa

Reply

hhaalleeyy95 | 0

#913592 - Thursday 4 March 2010 10:30

This is fake for sure. It makes no sense.

Reply

jobo50123 | 3

#2109322 - Tuesday 22 February 2011 2:25

so true

By QTp13 | 10

#660607 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:14

If this is real.... FYourLife. If it is not GoFYourself

By coolscale | 6

#660608 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:15

lol'd

By Blaid_fml | 0

#660611 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:16

yes how the hell did u call when ur phone was stolen? this is a made up story

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#660866 - Sunday 8 November 2009 17:12

"When I ~finally~ called" As in, after a while? Getting home? Borrowing a friend's/stranger's? Payphone?? Its not too much of a stretch.

By mura_fml | 0

#660617 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:20

maybe she borrowed someone's cell or used a payphone

Reply

phatdaddy | 0

#662781 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:42

like a prepaid cell phone? Why would he have one of those when he had a cellphone? I don't [email protected]@!!!!!!

Reply

ThuNDeY | 23

#6208044 - Friday 20 February 2015 22:38

It got stolen XD

By jchansfan | 0

#660620 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:22

Knowing this site, I'm waiting for the "But women can't change tires! D:" commment... Because, well, you guys are predictable. lmao :P

Reply

st0815 | 9

#660981 - Sunday 8 November 2009 19:17

Women can't change tires without getting mugged. Happy now?

By chellinha93 | 0

#660621 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:23

She said when she 'finally called her boss', meaning when she found a place with a phone or asked someone so she could call. OP, your boss is a jackass for not believing in you. FYL

Reply

phatdaddy | 0

#662787 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:45

But how would she get the number without her contacts list?

Reply

Curiousmind | 0

#664378 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 19:12

She could have her work number memorized(several of my co-workers know ours by memory), and there are such things as phone books.

Reply

phatdaddy | 0

#686491 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 14:30

I don't know what you just said, so I'll assume you're wrong.

By kravitzz1990 | 0

#660624 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:29

thats harsh!! but i can see where ur boss is coming from that story is a tad unbelievable! but dam fyl!! xx

By Cristaderzi | 0

#660626 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:32

Geez no this stuff happens daily!!
fyl!!

By Twinklestar | 0

#660635 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:38

FYL, but I'm guessing if you were fired on the spot like that there had probably been a lot of incidents in the past of you being late.