Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting... - FML

By LifeSucks - 8/11/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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Understandable

Instadrama

Boozehound alert

By "vinyl_mermaid" - 2/3/2017 14:00

Exterminators are expensive

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

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By madd_dizzle - 25/10/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

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By bass - 22/9/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

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By Cpt Colin - 3/1/2012 07:17 - United States

Get out of here

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2018 03:44

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple their “vibrator will go off when a table is available”. I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

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By allwaysbuggedinheaven - 7/7/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2018 19:00

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me re-Pete because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

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By ineedayob - 18/5/2013 20:36 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

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By anonymous - 18/2/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

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By Nate - 31/3/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

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By smelly asses - 17/9/2020 07:50

Skidmarks

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

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By Oopsie - 28/7/2015 17:18 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

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By omfgmaya - 5/10/2009 17:29 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

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By How can you f*** up that bad!? - 17/2/2017 15:51 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Saudi end of the internet, and it was awful…

Today, I was unable to connect to the Internet. After calling support, I was informed that due to a cut cable, the whole country will have no service from that provider for some time. The. Whole. Country. FML

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By potassiumgirl - 11/4/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

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By HoShiz - 25/10/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2012 09:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

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By meggasee - 25/1/2010 00:23 - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

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By shininghayley - 15/2/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 08:40 - Vietnam

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

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By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

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By joanikens - 14/11/2016 07:20

Today, I was so broke, I couldn't come up with enough change to pay the parking meter at my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 17:38 - United States - Monroe

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

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By Remember the parking brake - 6/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

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By Courtney - 26/5/2016 12:12 - United States

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

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By Notthatone - 21/4/2015 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

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By wideman - 28/2/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

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By exfishowner - 27/1/2019 12:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML

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By sashimieater - 31/5/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

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By the_pheasant66 - 26/6/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

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By hatesgravity - 2/9/2010 11:40 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 00:47 - United States

Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML

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By just the tip, though - 28/1/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

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Top comments

By chellinha93 | 0

#660621 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:23

She said when she 'finally called her boss', meaning when she found a place with a phone or asked someone so she could call. OP, your boss is a jackass for not believing in you. FYL

By jchansfan | 0

#660620 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:22

Knowing this site, I'm waiting for the "But women can't change tires! D:" commment... Because, well, you guys are predictable. lmao :P

COMMENTS

By illy88 | 0

#660600 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:10

first! how did u call ur boss when ur cell got stolen?..and why didnt u run after the guy? umm i believe this is fake..

Reply

jchansfan | 0

#660628 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:32

There are other phones...? -looks on with wonder-

:P

Reply

BurpusMe | 0

#660660 - Sunday 8 November 2009 13:25

If you used an iPhone they wouldn't have had to steal: your CD's, phone and iPod.

Reply

evangldbrg | 0

#660864 - Sunday 8 November 2009 17:11

I guarantee this is fake. You have too much of an overactive imagination and make up good stories, thanks for entertaining us though.

Reply

cackle | 0

#661031 - Sunday 8 November 2009 19:57

Even your boss knows it is fake.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#661924 - Monday 9 November 2009 6:02

File a police report; show copy of report to your boss. People tend to not get that intricate in their excuses. If he still doesn't believe you, poop in his cornflakes.

Reply

lyssalicious | 0

#662097 - Monday 9 November 2009 9:39

hahahaha! i cant help but think:
"First, i got mugged, then i got fired for having an overactive imagination, then i came on FML and they didnt even believe me and instead accused me of the same thing. FML"
hahhahahahaa

Reply

hhaalleeyy95 | 0

#913592 - Thursday 4 March 2010 10:30

This is fake for sure. It makes no sense.

Reply

jobo50123 | 3

#2109322 - Tuesday 22 February 2011 2:25

so true

By QTp13 | 10

#660607 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:14

If this is real.... FYourLife. If it is not GoFYourself

By coolscale | 6

#660608 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:15

lol'd

By Blaid_fml | 0

#660611 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:16

yes how the hell did u call when ur phone was stolen? this is a made up story

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#660866 - Sunday 8 November 2009 17:12

"When I ~finally~ called" As in, after a while? Getting home? Borrowing a friend's/stranger's? Payphone?? Its not too much of a stretch.

By mura_fml | 0

#660617 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:20

maybe she borrowed someone's cell or used a payphone

Reply

phatdaddy | 0

#662781 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:42

like a prepaid cell phone? Why would he have one of those when he had a cellphone? I don't [email protected]@!!!!!!

Reply

ThuNDeY | 23

#6208044 - Friday 20 February 2015 22:38

It got stolen XD

By jchansfan | 0

#660620 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:22

Knowing this site, I'm waiting for the "But women can't change tires! D:" commment... Because, well, you guys are predictable. lmao :P

Reply

st0815 | 9

#660981 - Sunday 8 November 2009 19:17

Women can't change tires without getting mugged. Happy now?

By chellinha93 | 0

#660621 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:23

She said when she 'finally called her boss', meaning when she found a place with a phone or asked someone so she could call. OP, your boss is a jackass for not believing in you. FYL

Reply

phatdaddy | 0

#662787 - Monday 9 November 2009 20:45

But how would she get the number without her contacts list?

Reply

Curiousmind | 0

#664378 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 19:12

She could have her work number memorized(several of my co-workers know ours by memory), and there are such things as phone books.

Reply

phatdaddy | 0

#686491 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 14:30

I don't know what you just said, so I'll assume you're wrong.

By kravitzz1990 | 0

#660624 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:29

thats harsh!! but i can see where ur boss is coming from that story is a tad unbelievable! but dam fyl!! xx

By Cristaderzi | 0

#660626 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:32

Geez no this stuff happens daily!!
fyl!!

By Twinklestar | 0

#660635 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:38

FYL, but I'm guessing if you were fired on the spot like that there had probably been a lot of incidents in the past of you being late.