Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried... - FML

By Radgirl - 28/4/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17311

You deserved it

58332

Tweet

Share

Age ain't nothing but a number

This is us

Who's a good boy?

By pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u - 16/8/2015 16:18 - United States - Monmouth Junction

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23674

You deserved it

1853

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Welcome to the world!

Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2356

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/8/2017 16:00

Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3272

You deserved it

1037

Tweet

Share

By notjustfat - 20/4/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22513

You deserved it

2303

Tweet

Share

By wormsick - 6/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36866

You deserved it

3132

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/1/2014 05:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51609

You deserved it

14020

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 18/3/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML

I agree, your life sucks

382224

You deserved it

35935

Tweet

Share

By highschoolnobody - 23/6/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44433

You deserved it

2921

Tweet

Share

By Jacky-Boy - 7/8/2009 00:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44337

You deserved it

7411

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2013 21:32 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38845

You deserved it

44737

Tweet

Share

By GroosedOut - 20/8/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44488

You deserved it

5381

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/7/2012 14:43 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23527

You deserved it

5148

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32926

You deserved it

2451

Tweet

Share

By Jumja - 15/1/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35084

You deserved it

5686

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2018 13:30

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3336

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By RinoaHeartilly - 28/11/2018 03:00

Today, like every day she works, my roommate once again put on a ton on perfume before work because she doesn't shower. She's gone, but this smell will be here for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2453

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

By legallyblondemad - 29/8/2009 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56777

You deserved it

5231

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30014

You deserved it

2795

Tweet

Share

By jada - 4/1/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37209

You deserved it

3623

Tweet

Share

By JohnyP - 9/7/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44370

You deserved it

3502

Tweet

Share

By happyshit - 13/10/2011 07:27 - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28992

You deserved it

6361

Tweet

Share

By xnickx - 16/4/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22615

You deserved it

58717

Tweet

Share

By Bulldogs09 - 1/7/2009 04:41 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46615

You deserved it

12412

Tweet

Share

By NotSoAnon - 13/8/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35246

You deserved it

5032

Tweet

Share

By Kyle - 5/1/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13867

You deserved it

35821

Tweet

Share

By soph511 - 30/7/2012 18:05 - France - Hy?res

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24461

You deserved it

4633

Tweet

Share

By alexa - 8/12/2015 17:14 - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26919

You deserved it

2612

Tweet

Share

By planking champion - 17/10/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17047

You deserved it

80159

Tweet

Share

By not eyelid - 20/9/2016 19:53 - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10004

You deserved it

5438

Tweet

Share

By Eheath12Jheath14 - 12/7/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4173

You deserved it

462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48929

You deserved it

8878

Tweet

Share

By Sl3vin - 19/1/2010 14:17 - United States

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32319

You deserved it

6802

Tweet

Share

By Whyme - 9/1/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36151

You deserved it

6461

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a rehearsal for a musical I'm in. I've worked my arse off to get the songs I sing in place and sounding good. Unfortunately, my coworkers haven't. Now the director wants to cut the songs I'm in because, "the people you're working with make you look shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1505

You deserved it

102

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23028

You deserved it

1823

Tweet

Share

By unboned - 11/5/2016 17:30 - United States - Katy

Fetishes come in all sizes

Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18346

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2751

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 22/1/2013 02:41 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30555

You deserved it

6173

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/7/2017 10:00 - China - Chengdu

Today, while licking maple syrup off my wife during foreplay, I probably shouldn't have referred to her breasts as pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4606

You deserved it

7053

Tweet

Share

By TerribleAddiction - 15/2/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31358

You deserved it

3324

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAlone - 15/10/2014 00:13 - United States - Watertown

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34322

You deserved it

3730

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By arela | 0

#150335 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

you tried to impress them by running full sprint ....? you're supposed to run slowly and bouncy like... YDI

By BB_baby | 0

#150321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:28

"i tried to impress"
any FML with that should automatically get a YDI haha

Comments

By ilgatto | 0

#150318 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:25

loooooooooool

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1454719 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:19

lol this is really funny and YDI!

Reply

freaky592 | 2

#1540225 - Wednesday 13 October 2010 5:35

sometimes the best response is the simplest....lol

Reply

melanie177 | 1

#4297912 - Friday 13 April 2012 4:20

Well, did anyone come to your rescue?

By BB_baby | 0

#150321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:28

"i tried to impress"
any FML with that should automatically get a YDI haha

By arela | 0

#150335 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

you tried to impress them by running full sprint ....? you're supposed to run slowly and bouncy like... YDI

Reply

himynameisadam | 0

#489303 - Saturday 15 August 2009 20:20

Agreed

Reply

farsidee | 0

#869701 - Thursday 18 February 2010 21:19

Like the girl from click!

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1022230 - Monday 7 June 2010 4:11

what's ydi?

Reply

freerun4life97 | 0

#3882345 - Saturday 14 January 2012 13:20

You dunce, imagination

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#150355 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:40

Bwahahahaa, guess they definitely noticed you... Agree though, aren't you supposed to do the whole scary movie run and bounce around to get their attention? Hmmm

By karmabunnie | 0

#150366 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:49

she was trying to impress *frat guys* mind you, wrow.

By Jimboom | 11

#150373 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:54

Actually no, she did the right thing. As Fraternity guys are used to their women unconscious I'm sure seeing you lying there knocked out really made them hot for you.

Reply

muffinlovexD | 10

#5337416 - Thursday 24 January 2013 5:41

Hahahahah!!

By MtVernonVA | 0

#150381 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:05

You know, if they were gentlemen (the type of guy you should be trying to impress) they would have come over and helped you out. I'm guessing none of them did since this is an FML...

They're not worth your time :)

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6140369 - Wednesday 10 December 2014 13:52

OP clearly said that they were fraternity guys. What makes you think that they would behave like gentlemen?

By Seegtease | 0

#150394 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:16

You saw hot guys and the best thing you could think of to do was to sprint?

You need to work on your style. If I saw somebody do that to impress me, I'd be thinking "weirdo".

Reply

nimahu | 0

#3028653 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 11:23

its not good to see a girl running away from you

By ttech10 | 0

#150414 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:40

@6, nice.

By CaptainJellyBean | 0

#150434 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 11:22

Lol at #6.

Zing.