Animals: Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried... - FML

By Radgirl - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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Messed up

Expanding universe

Great speech, thanks!

By Anonymous - United States - Alexandria

Today, my fiancé's mother gave me a beautiful cross necklace to wear for my wedding. I'm Jewish. FML

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By skyplaysguitar - United States - Las Cruces

Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML

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By Chloe - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

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By vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

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By rawr

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

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By Durrrrrr - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

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By Nighty-nitrogen - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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By Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - United States - Spotswood

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

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By Fail - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 17:01 - Germany

Packaging

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

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By bluebelle - Australia

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

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By Evra - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull

Not so anal retentive then…

Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up, got dressed, drove for an hour, just to find out that I was fired. This is the closest job near me. FML

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By Stolemylady - Australia

Today, while at my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I had to hear her explain how she met the love of her life. This happened in the four years we were dating. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

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By Meghan - 5/9/2020 08:01 - United States - New York

Breaking

Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML

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By Numnum - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

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By me - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

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By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Tis the season to be jolly

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

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By WellThatSucks - United States

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

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By hastobeajoke - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

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By Nik - United States

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

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By bubblzzz

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

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By corgi problems - 15/9/2020 20:05

Doggy dog world

Today, I walked into my house after my nightshift as a nurse and my corgi had the house turned upside down, with things everywhere. I have people coming to look at the house in 2 hours. FML

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By Not-so-sexy - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

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By sadNsingle

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister's wedding, because he didn't want to be there when we found out he gave the both of us an STD. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Left hanging

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

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By robbed - United States

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

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By Damn You Fortnite

Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML

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By unluckycounsellor - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

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By Sadasian - United States

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

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By Chris - 12/3/2021 20:01

NFT FML

Today, I'm still trying to get my head around what NFTs are, even though my friend walked me through the whole thing during an hour-long conversation. I guess I'm dumb. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 08:00

Winning

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

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By HK - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

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By JessMelodique

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

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By Peaches - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

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Top comments

By arela | 0

#150335 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

you tried to impress them by running full sprint ....? you're supposed to run slowly and bouncy like... YDI

By BB_baby | 0

#150321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:28

"i tried to impress"
any FML with that should automatically get a YDI haha

COMMENTS

By ilgatto | 0

#150318 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:25

loooooooooool

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1454719 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:19

lol this is really funny and YDI!

Reply

freaky592 | 2

#1540225 - Wednesday 13 October 2010 5:35

sometimes the best response is the simplest....lol

Reply

melanie177 | 1

#4297912 - Friday 13 April 2012 4:20

Well, did anyone come to your rescue?

By BB_baby | 0

#150321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:28

"i tried to impress"
any FML with that should automatically get a YDI haha

By arela | 0

#150335 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

you tried to impress them by running full sprint ....? you're supposed to run slowly and bouncy like... YDI

Reply

himynameisadam | 0

#489303 - Saturday 15 August 2009 20:20

Agreed

Reply

farsidee | 0

#869701 - Thursday 18 February 2010 21:19

Like the girl from click!

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1022230 - Monday 7 June 2010 4:11

what's ydi?

Reply

freerun4life97 | 0

#3882345 - Saturday 14 January 2012 13:20

You dunce, imagination

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#150355 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:40

Bwahahahaa, guess they definitely noticed you... Agree though, aren't you supposed to do the whole scary movie run and bounce around to get their attention? Hmmm

By karmabunnie | 0

#150366 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:49

she was trying to impress *frat guys* mind you, wrow.

By Jimboom | 11

#150373 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:54

Actually no, she did the right thing. As Fraternity guys are used to their women unconscious I'm sure seeing you lying there knocked out really made them hot for you.

Reply

muffinlovexD | 12

#5337416 - Thursday 24 January 2013 5:41

Hahahahah!!

By MtVernonVA | 0

#150381 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:05

You know, if they were gentlemen (the type of guy you should be trying to impress) they would have come over and helped you out. I'm guessing none of them did since this is an FML...

They're not worth your time :)

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6140369 - Wednesday 10 December 2014 13:52

OP clearly said that they were fraternity guys. What makes you think that they would behave like gentlemen?

By Seegtease | 0

#150394 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:16

You saw hot guys and the best thing you could think of to do was to sprint?

You need to work on your style. If I saw somebody do that to impress me, I'd be thinking "weirdo".

Reply

nimahu | 0

#3028653 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 11:23

its not good to see a girl running away from you

By ttech10 | 0

#150414 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:40

@6, nice.

By CaptainJellyBean | 0

#150434 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 11:22

Lol at #6.

Zing.