Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried... - FML

By Radgirl - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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Serious times

Out of it

Long story short

By Abby_gummibear - United States

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

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By skid - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

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By Burny

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By lady_jeni - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 17:00

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML

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By Enanimus - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

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By BriSwag4321

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my girlfriend's father. He screenshotted it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

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By squad - 19/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Washington

My first time

Today, I lost my virginity with my boyfriend. As he was about to cum, I moaned his brother's name. I've never even met his brother and now I'm single. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

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By Tired - United States

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

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By peachmelba - Denmark

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

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By SocialAnxietyNightmare - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

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By Spraylady - United Kingdom

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

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By TrophyGirlfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

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By life_suxxx - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

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By Former Drummer - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

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By gummy

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

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By maniac11 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

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By ThatGuy24

Booming economy!

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

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By disturbed - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

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By cutiecuppiecakez - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

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By littleguy - United States

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

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By Single Again - 7/3/2020 06:11

Cunning

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

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By Brenda Trejo

Today, my fiancé asked his 13-year-old sister what role she wanted in our upcoming wedding. Her response was "Saying I object!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man working, so I went up to him to ask where I should sign in. Before I even opened my mouth, he told me that they opened at 12 and to come back then for my meal. FML

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By dl - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

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By CouldBeALoser - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grove City

Today, a childhood friend reached out to me to apologize for our friendship. He was obviously drunk, and admitted that his parents made him become friends with me so that my dad, their landlord, would be easy on them when the rent was short after his mom lost her job. He said he never really liked me and called me a nerd, before hanging up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

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By Not So Smart - Canada

Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML

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By Unclicked - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

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By disgusted - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

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Top comments

By arela | 0

#150335 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

you tried to impress them by running full sprint ....? you're supposed to run slowly and bouncy like... YDI

By BB_baby | 0

#150321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:28

"i tried to impress"
any FML with that should automatically get a YDI haha

COMMENTS

By ilgatto | 0

#150318 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:25

loooooooooool

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1454719 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:19

lol this is really funny and YDI!

Reply

freaky592 | 2

#1540225 - Wednesday 13 October 2010 5:35

sometimes the best response is the simplest....lol

Reply

melanie177 | 1

#4297912 - Friday 13 April 2012 4:20

Well, did anyone come to your rescue?

By BB_baby | 0

#150321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:28

"i tried to impress"
any FML with that should automatically get a YDI haha

By arela | 0

#150335 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

you tried to impress them by running full sprint ....? you're supposed to run slowly and bouncy like... YDI

Reply

himynameisadam | 0

#489303 - Saturday 15 August 2009 20:20

Agreed

Reply

farsidee | 0

#869701 - Thursday 18 February 2010 21:19

Like the girl from click!

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1022230 - Monday 7 June 2010 4:11

what's ydi?

Reply

freerun4life97 | 0

#3882345 - Saturday 14 January 2012 13:20

You dunce, imagination

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#150355 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:40

Bwahahahaa, guess they definitely noticed you... Agree though, aren't you supposed to do the whole scary movie run and bounce around to get their attention? Hmmm

By karmabunnie | 0

#150366 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:49

she was trying to impress *frat guys* mind you, wrow.

By Jimboom | 11

#150373 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:54

Actually no, she did the right thing. As Fraternity guys are used to their women unconscious I'm sure seeing you lying there knocked out really made them hot for you.

Reply

muffinlovexD | 10

#5337416 - Thursday 24 January 2013 5:41

Hahahahah!!

By MtVernonVA | 0

#150381 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:05

You know, if they were gentlemen (the type of guy you should be trying to impress) they would have come over and helped you out. I'm guessing none of them did since this is an FML...

They're not worth your time :)

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6140369 - Wednesday 10 December 2014 13:52

OP clearly said that they were fraternity guys. What makes you think that they would behave like gentlemen?

By Seegtease | 0

#150394 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:16

You saw hot guys and the best thing you could think of to do was to sprint?

You need to work on your style. If I saw somebody do that to impress me, I'd be thinking "weirdo".

Reply

nimahu | 0

#3028653 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 11:23

its not good to see a girl running away from you

By ttech10 | 0

#150414 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:40

@6, nice.

By CaptainJellyBean | 0

#150434 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 11:22

Lol at #6.

Zing.