Miscellaneous: Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 87

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 178

26/05/2012 07:00

Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 437

You deserved it 4 745

Empathy lives

Walk on the wild side

Leave us alone

19/06/2011 17:51

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 3 293

18/01/2012 05:09

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 129

You deserved it 9 725

06/09/2011 08:06

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 524

You deserved it 4 924

25/12/2014 21:00

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 075

You deserved it 2 603

23/03/2011 11:25

Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 17 113

21/12/2009 05:16

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 980

You deserved it 2 790

13/08/2015 01:44

Spicy

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 660

You deserved it 2 157

02/01/2015 16:20

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 094

You deserved it 2 651

18/02/2010 02:46

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 2 429

31/07/2014 17:28

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 589

You deserved it 4 775

Teenagers…

By LieutenantDimwit - 30/04/2021 18:01

Today, my uncle picked up a tissue box and threw it at my sister for fun. My sister got mad and yeeted the box at me. I reacted with the same action, but she lost her crap and kicked and punched me. When I reported the incident to my parents, I get berated and my sister got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 126

That's nuts

By shbaxter - 16/03/2020 06:00

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 90

13/07/2016 18:13

Spicy

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 692

You deserved it 2 455

Happy families

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 13:58

Spicy

Today, I just found out that my mom is cheating on my dad. I went to give my dad the evidence I'd gathered, and he just said he knew, and that he’s cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 110

09/05/2009 04:43

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 160

You deserved it 273 922

21/05/2009 03:08

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 782

You deserved it 70 990

21/05/2010 19:12

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 267

You deserved it 3 981

Have a Coke and smile

By Cokerella - 14/08/2021 09:01

Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 93

24/09/2009 04:34

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 057

You deserved it 2 339

Today, on Judge Judy…

By thanks ma - 29/05/2020 02:00

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 959

You deserved it 101

27/04/2016 07:22

Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 956

You deserved it 1 927

07/09/2014 21:05

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 570

You deserved it 2 952

26/02/2009 14:56

Today, I went on the best date I've been on in years. Later on, over drinks we get talking and I explain how I came out to my friends and family. When I ask him how he came out, he replies that he isn't gay, and oh, did I think this was a date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 505

You deserved it 12 788

27/09/2015 07:10

Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 061

You deserved it 4 024

09/10/2016 06:42

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 570

You deserved it 1 739

04/01/2010 17:52

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 3 967

03/12/2010 17:12

Spicy

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 3 133

12/07/2009 06:05

Spicy

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 568

You deserved it 20 545

04/12/2009 02:17

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 913

You deserved it 2 492

22/11/2009 22:07

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 574

You deserved it 5 989

20/09/2010 14:58

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 208

You deserved it 3 983

21/01/2013 17:04

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 790

You deserved it 8 290

People of Walmart

By FayBerry88 - 04/07/2020 08:08

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 428

Deep-seated resentment

By Boyufd - 14/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out why my dad doesn't want my girlfriend coming to our house anymore. Apparently, her dad used to bully him a lot during high school and he's never gotten over it. He's threatened to disown me if she comes back over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 190

11/09/2009 14:48

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 089

You deserved it 6 767

29/07/2019 15:00

Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 110

Where it is?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the deed when she suddenly said, "Hold on babe, I think my nose ring fell out." After she couldn't find it for a minute, she said "I'm sure it's on the bed somewhere." Immediately after that, she yelled, "OH MY GOD I JUST SWALLOWED IT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 263

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 14:09

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 85

24/03/2013 23:47

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 223

You deserved it 9 589

Everyone's an expert

By whatever mom - 23/07/2020 14:02

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 136

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:23

He's obviously annoyed by your singing. Buy some speakers and piss him off even more. You can sing if you want. Fuck your neighbor (metaphorically)

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:21

Maybe you shouldn't sing that loud? Or take some lessons?

Comments

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:21

Maybe you shouldn't sing that loud? Or take some lessons?

shayshayshazam 14

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:56

So OP should get lessons for when they sing at home? I'm an awful singer but singing makes household chores more fun!!

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Saturday 26 May 2012 17:35

As long as you don't do it that loud you can do whatever you like. Just don't be annoying because you wouldn't liked it either when your neighbours did so.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 19:11

Kelso- BURN!!!!!!!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Saturday 26 May 2012 21:47

Am I the only one who thought of the possibility that Op may be a Screamo Singer?

missamerica95 0

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:21

I'm a horrible singer too but it makes me happy to sing so keep doin what you're doing if it makes you happy. :)

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Saturday 26 May 2012 14:19

Op should also have some consideration for others. I like singing and dancing, but I'm not gonna be a douche about it, and sing and dance where I annoy people.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 16:26

It's the op's apartment. They can do whatever she wants

amanda_say_whutt 9

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Saturday 26 May 2012 16:37

I'm pretty sure her/his intentions wasn't to annoy people 25.

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Sunday 27 May 2012 3:30

34 - when you have neighbors and a land lord NO you can't. You wanna wail until the late hours of the night buy a house!

daringtoride 27

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:21

Let it shine, OP!

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Saturday 26 May 2012 15:50

I don't know what's worse, that you used a Victoriouse reference... Or the fact that I know it's a Victoriouse reference..

ManInTheMachine 19

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Saturday 26 May 2012 15:56

...or that you can't spell Victorious.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 17:24

Or that when I saw the comment I immediately started singing the theme song to Victorious...

capslockisgood 19

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Friday 5 October 2012 0:14

Or that you people think that that quote is originally from Victorious.

imp4ct 15

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:22

At least your neighbours care for you...

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Saturday 26 May 2012 14:22

*Hears cries for help *Puts on headphones *Still hears it *Turns it up Honestly I think most people would react in this situation. If not for op's safety then for their own peace and quiet.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 18:46

Well, it said he was asking sarcastically.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:23

He's obviously annoyed by your singing. Buy some speakers and piss him off even more. You can sing if you want. Fuck your neighbor (metaphorically)

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Saturday 26 May 2012 13:24

Or literally ... I mean only if you want too ;)

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Saturday 26 May 2012 14:12

*Sets up giant speakers outside of smooaki's house.

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 26 May 2012 19:56

He at least didn't say you sucked. Tried to be nice about it. Kinda. Not really. You have to remember in an apartment building you should be quieter because loudness is annoying. I can see why he wouldn't like it necessarily. Sing quieter

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:24

Who sings that song? Yeah... Maybe you should just let them sing it. :)

liscentious23 1

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:26

I'm tone deaf op and I still sing to let the stress out and when I'm happy. Don't let that comment stress you out, your neighbour probably can't sing either.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:27

Tell him the only pain you have is a pain in the ass neighbor.

Musicholic_asey 1

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:33

Maybe you should invest in sound proof walls. It'll be useful for other stuff as well.

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Saturday 26 May 2012 15:42

9- why would op want to waste all that cash on soundproofing a wall of somewhere op is renting?

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Saturday 26 May 2012 12:36

The moral of the story is don't sing