The Top

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WOOF!

By Dweeb - 02/10/2019 18:00

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 655

Great timing

By denae92 - 04/10/2019 04:00

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 232

By notmuchfun - 20/07/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 469

You deserved it 4 690

Shattered

By Nolo - 24/11/2023 02:30

Today, the love of my life, who I’ve finally been able to date after so long, broke up with me. I met her parents for the first time and they don’t approve of me dating her due to our age gap. She’s 18 and I’m 36. Apparently they don’t understand that she’s a consenting adult and can make her own choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 2 507

By oh dang /: - 25/05/2011 11:34

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 523

You deserved it 7 559

This is America

By liz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 785

You deserved it 18 532

Weird excuse

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he only now decided to look up what it meant. He gave me a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 697

You deserved it 17 995

By Headache - 01/03/2013 13:20 - United States

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 970

You deserved it 4 808

Basic human need

By justwow - 21/03/2012 23:58 - United States - Fort George G Meade

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 952

You deserved it 7 444

By Noname - 13/03/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 331

You deserved it 5 352

Sorry Sweaty, you're gross

By butterflyzag20 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 430

You deserved it 8 016

By Betchsadface - 13/07/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 787

You deserved it 10 803

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 05:07 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 710

You deserved it 4 018

By lovelikewoe - 11/07/2010 01:00 - United States

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 699

You deserved it 5 407

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:06 - Philippines

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 002

You deserved it 14 562

Sometimes the truth is too weird to believe

By fml9124 - 06/06/2021 14:01

Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 549

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 100

You deserved it 7 090

By cls_x - 24/02/2013 07:53 - United States - Riverview

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 454

You deserved it 4 035

By awkwardd - 19/05/2011 12:51 - Hong Kong

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 428

You deserved it 8 070

Oh come on!

By Great. - 22/02/2013 22:32 - Brazil - Belo Horizonte

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 738

You deserved it 11 839

Entitled

By hate this job - 09/06/2021 19:59

Today, a 300 lb woman caused a huge scene at the public pool where I work. She accused me of fatshaming and swore to sue me for discrimination. I asked her to cover up, as her 3x too small string bikini went against the pool’s dress code. I don’t make the rules, I just have to enforce them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 122

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 541

You deserved it 5 650

Bad friend

By collegegirl90 - 09/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 982

You deserved it 112 777

By Anonymous - 15/05/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 758

You deserved it 26 770

Denied

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Austin

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 500

Weird, but OK

By awkward - 14/06/2021 19:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I realized I have more dogs than I do friends. I have two dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 612

You deserved it 6 747

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 08:01

Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 287

Alone

By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 05:45

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 314

By Anon - 07/05/2011 06:08 - United Kingdom

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 531

You deserved it 62 465

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The Top

Today, at the grocery store, the scanner at the register gave a higher price for a product than the price tag on the shelf. Apparently I was the one being unreasonable for insisting to pay the price advertised on the shelf, and not some secret price they never told me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 117

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 562

You deserved it 421

Today, I got off a long shift and went to the bus stop. Upon arrival, I saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob. Disgusted, I tried to avoid them and sat on the bench to wait. The girl popped up angrily and looked over at me. "Can't you give us some privacy?!" This is the only bus stop nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 091

You deserved it 308

Today, my fiancée told me that she thinks she's asexual. Guess I know why we haven't had sex in months. When I said this was a deal breaker, she said, "If you'd stop being a horny pig for five seconds, it wouldn't be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 81

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 038

You deserved it 1 049

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 463

You deserved it 17 151