Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook...

By KatrinaKitten - 16/07/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook the food right in front of you. Our chef tossed an egg in the air, but sadly didn't catch it. Don't worry though, my hair got it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 015

You deserved it 3 525

Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Own it

Is that how it works?

By irony - 25/02/2016 15:08 - United States - Louisville

Today, I have to attend a mandatory parenting class due to a false report filed against me with CPS. My son's school play is at the same time as today's class, and I'll have to miss it so I can learn how to be a "better mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 676

You deserved it 1 776

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 390

By angryinlaws - 12/10/2013 07:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 146

You deserved it 12 048

By Marcipaud - 05/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 552

You deserved it 977

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 393

You deserved it 6 460

Not that sort, I swear

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 242

You deserved it 5 708

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 396

You deserved it 35 814

Bouncing off the walls

By whyyyyyy - 21/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I'd always suspected my mother in law hated me. My suspicions were confirmed when I went to pick up my son from her house after work. She smiled smugly and let me know that he’d been asleep since noon. It’s after 5. He’s never going to get back to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 78

By couchsurfer - 10/08/2012 00:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 042

You deserved it 29 902

By Kira - 24/04/2015 17:09 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 877

You deserved it 13 516

By Bad Mum? - 31/03/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my eldest son told me he wishes he lived with his dad. This after I, two years ago, managed to get myself and my children out of the abusive situation we were in. Why? He didn't want to tidy his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 203

Gifted

By YYY - 29/05/2019 18:00

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 1 023

By Anonyme - 27/03/2015 09:50 - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 732

You deserved it 3 455

Imitation is a form of flattery. Or is it?

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 14:02

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 165

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 479

You deserved it 5 900

By rongo12 - 11/05/2012 21:41

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 663

You deserved it 6 778

By Anonymous - 05/07/2016 16:19 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 666

You deserved it 867

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 2 812

By I'maboutobarf - 31/01/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 163

You deserved it 2 770

By papergirl - 24/04/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 213

You deserved it 19 541

By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - 25/02/2013 19:47 - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 372

You deserved it 5 054

By transcendingnerd - 13/04/2015 10:46 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 597

You deserved it 3 068

The climate is whack

By fax4voice3 - 03/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Greenwich

Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 188

Demon drink

By Aliiveopen - 24/08/2020 07:02 - United States - Wasilla

Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting 2 holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 07/09/2013 22:22 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 494

You deserved it 3 878

By EOJ - 10/02/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 908

You deserved it 55 153

By verysadasian - 30/07/2009 14:21 - United States

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 505

You deserved it 29 179

By Anonymous - 09/10/2009 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 548

You deserved it 9 244

By ninjawhat1337 - 25/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 57 167

By aru9 - 12/09/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 204

You deserved it 36 932

By jason - 24/04/2009 13:24 - United States

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 259

You deserved it 76 582

Hey!

By wtf dad - 10/01/2013 03:15 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 353

You deserved it 3 295

Nice try

By forgottenbday - 11/07/2012 05:09 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 511

You deserved it 2 743

It wasn't me

By Florida Girl - 09/03/2019 12:00

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story of my dad’s senior prank, his mom said during her senior year, some asshole spray-painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 9 785

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 27/05/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 2 786

By Sunshinenwhiskey - 05/05/2016 15:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 711

You deserved it 968

By babyscarface - 12/06/2016 15:48 - United States - Orange

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 187

You deserved it 1 608

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Top comments

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:17

Omg, my FML GOT POSTED! I'd like to thank all the moderators and all the wonderful people in the world!

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Sunday 17 July 2011 0:41

I've posted 0 because my life is flawless. FML.

lemondrink 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:15

haha that's funny

ilovecookies83 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:26

The dinner should have been free for you out of common courtesy!

garrettsgirl 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:36

you never know it could be some secret shampoo!

honeysuckel 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:47

flip that frown upside down so it's sunny-side up! =)

ahti546 11

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:48

:O those chefs NEVER drop anything you should at least get a free meal or something

Tommananaze6T9 4

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:55

do u have a perm by chance?

Andrew1122 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 1:02

This sounds like it was at Hibachi or Benihana's

slightlypyro1996 4

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Sunday 17 July 2011 1:34

this happened to my sisters prom dress on prom night.

BVB_Army 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 3:24

44- They often throw little bits of the food to you to catch in your mouth. So I have no idea why in the hell this is an FML.

StudMuffinette 17

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Sunday 17 July 2011 3:42

44- yeah!! i been there like a thousand times and they never screw up

changetheworld 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 4:34

Wow.. I've been to so many places like that and I've never even heard of them messing up either. Must have been the new guy.

Randuhh_17 4

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Sunday 17 July 2011 6:06

did the dude, laugh and squeeze the "fake ketchup bottle horn?" they are hilarious...

redsfan 4

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Sunday 17 July 2011 6:42

Maybe the chef was secretly not Japanese and therefor did not posses the skill set of the real Japanese chefs...That's the only logical explination.

fmlwmty 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 7:02

get over it miss priss it's hair! oh those eggs they make are soo good

Topygrl21 8

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Sunday 17 July 2011 9:19

75- it sounds like you had something to do with that by the way you worded it.

EvilPotato 14

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Monday 18 July 2011 6:35

ah good I was about to get worried about the egg.

ArentICute 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:51

Well, I hope your food was eggscelent. Sorry for the bad yolks, I'm just frying to be witty.

FacePalm69 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:17

Those are my favorite resturaunts!

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:30

Mine too! I love watching them cook on those hibachis and do those tricks. (:

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Sunday 17 July 2011 0:08

you egg head!!!

hiyourcute 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 1:51

Me too! They're egg-cellent!

InfamousRaider 15

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Sunday 30 June 2013 19:03

Tokyo habachi mmmmm :)

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:17

Omg, my FML GOT POSTED! I'd like to thank all the moderators and all the wonderful people in the world!

iRhymeWithHeaven 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:18

i thought only mongolian resturants did that.

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:21

Asian restaurants I guess! :) I've never been to a Mongolian restaurant, so who knows?

kittensRfuzzy 1

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:57

boys just dont grasp the importance of hair to girls. worth way more than free dessert

flockz 19

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Sunday 17 July 2011 0:07

i would have dozens of eggs thrown at me for a klondike bar though...

baller2432 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 2:41

it's called habachi

Hollywoodgirl79 18

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:28

Congrats. I wish I could get an FML posted.

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:30

Third time was the charm for me!

2ndSucks 15

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:30

At least you kept the floor clean op :) I bet the janitor liked you.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:31

-3 I helped, I demand a cookie ! Lol congrats, may you have many more sexy fun times.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:32

Congratulations, Double K. New York!

gogreen8856 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:37

congrats!

imOaks 3

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:39

So... are you bullshitting us or did this happen?

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:41

29, I'm not from NEW YORK. I don't have anything filled for that profile thing, so I guess it defaults to NY.

Oreogasm 5

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:43

my fml never gets posted. fml.

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:43

30, "Please don't post any comments which question the validity of an FML." -FML Comment Policy. That's all I want to say. :) :) :) Read it & Weep.

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:45

I feel like I'm ass-raping the comment's section, so to all you guys, Thanks! You will get your FMLs posted if you keep submitting, because you never know! Don't stop believing. And 26, you can have an egg.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 16 July 2011 23:48

36- I didn't say you're from New York or not. Thanks for the insight, though. lol

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

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Sunday 17 July 2011 0:39

OMG someone who comments on their post lol. I've posted 5 not one got accepted >.>

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Sunday 17 July 2011 0:41

I've posted 0 because my life is flawless. FML.

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Sunday 17 July 2011 0:44

So is the FML true? If so, you must be soooo freakin pissed.

HeartAndSoul2011 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 1:21

aww no fair none of mine have been posted and I've had 3 for a long time :(

KyleComeback 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 1:25

Was it Osaka? The chefs there do that too.

xXSKYLARXx 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 1:54

sorry about your hair haha

8sq 13

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Sunday 17 July 2011 2:19

haha! i modded this :P!

Complaining 13

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Sunday 17 July 2011 10:10

73 - Osaka is in Japan, so that's still Japanese...I don't see your point.

sadistmonkey 19

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Sunday 17 July 2011 11:03

I'm pretty sure the "hibachi" thing where chefs perform tricks in front of customers is an American phenomenon. I'm actually surprised that they do that in Osaka.

commietaco 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 13:20

did you mean oosaka? like one of the big cities in japan? pronounced o-o-saka

Zeek63 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 16:55

your hair has some great natural talent which is catching things! you should go to a baseball game and let your hair jump up and catch all the foul balls!

coolp3rson 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 17:11

were u at Sakura?

willis97 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 17:20

ur hot

hiinorcal209 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 20:44

lmao

EvilPotato 14

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Monday 18 July 2011 6:40

3 keep on catching eggs with your face and your FML dreams will come true.

crowbar_2010 2

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Monday 18 July 2011 7:43

here kitty, kitty. lmao juuuuuust kidding. its kinda cool to actually be able to see who posted the fml. idk if it shows the ops profile on a pc but it doesnt on my android.