Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her,... - FML

By TheSickness - 28/5/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

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Rock, hard place

Insane parents

Hello everyone!

By OutOfWork.OutOfTime - 28/10/2015 01:34 - United States - Cookeville

Today, I had my first job interview since graduating from university. The person who interviewed me informed me that not using my degree after two years practically makes it null and void. I guess instead of being a financial advisor at the company, I could always be a janitor there. FML

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By wellthanks - 10/6/2013 17:04 - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

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By Gennifer - 22/4/2012 05:20 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

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By Jen - 1/12/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

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By PWI_addict - 3/1/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML

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By GlassPwn - 19/12/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

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By funnygirl018 - 28/5/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2013 05:38 - United States - Livingston

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2013 16:40 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

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By Gee... Thanks - 3/9/2014 01:35

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

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By unemployable - 5/12/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

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By alii2349 - 11/2/2014 03:16 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

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By EveOnRoad - 5/5/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

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By waitwhat - 18/3/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

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By bummed out step monster - 24/6/2015 04:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

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By hannieannie - 9/2/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

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By Annienomous - 9/10/2015 06:44 - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

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By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

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By Screwed Up - 9/5/2013 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

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By Mangled Shoelace - 2/2/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

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By ticked - 6/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

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By Good_old_Grim - 23/2/2010 07:56 - Latvia

Today, I went to move my girlfriend's car. I failed to notice that the snow packed under the front bumper is actually ice. After a bit of struggle I managed to move the car. The bumper, however, is now a separate entity. FML

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By valarmorgoolies - 6/2/2015 18:51 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

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By jobless - 13/2/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2016 17:47 - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

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By disturbedgd - 14/9/2016 11:29 - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

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By misterhippo - 22/4/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

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By kraziikayce - 26/12/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

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By :( - 27/1/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

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By KittenTime - 26/5/2011 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

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By Ghettogirl4life - 12/7/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

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By MarMar - 15/3/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

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By mhmm... cumsquats - 9/2/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

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By ohEw - 9/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

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By awkward O_o - 24/4/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

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By dumpedovergame - 6/7/2009 10:51 - United States

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 15:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

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Top comments

By JMWHS | 0

#1010148 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:16

well go you for making her feel better at least. but that's the price we pay to impress girls lol

By Mirorbo | 26

#1010144 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:15

Fuhohoho!~ You asked for it, you deal with it!

COMMENTS

By bmasencamp | 0

#1010143 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:15

1st

Reply

VSOLORIO | 0

#1010171 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:30

mas puto lmao ydi

Reply

MuuuChuuu | 5

#1010180 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:36

awwww op that was sweet of u to offer but she did tell you what the outcome would be so ydi!!

Reply

andruha1123 | 5

#1010182 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:38

you can puke together now... bonding moment ftw

Reply

PurpleMonkeysFor | 0

#1010186 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:44

haha 19 wins

Reply

Claay_aiir | 0

#1010207 - Friday 28 May 2010 13:12

Awwwe (:

Reply

jplumbob | 4

#1010224 - Friday 28 May 2010 13:32

oh my god bmasencamp you got number one. do you want a cookie??

Reply

Horde | 8

#1010243 - Friday 28 May 2010 14:14

You got what you asked for, so ydi :]

Reply

llcooljoey | 0

#1010264 - Friday 28 May 2010 15:20

I guess he was. *puts on shades*. love sick

Reply

Averizzle | 0

#1010286 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:00

Lol omg 50 you are so funny I haven't heard that line in forever. You win for blatant originality.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1010290 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:05

You forgot the "YYYEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Reply

delicious_nom_no | 0

#1010304 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:12

19—agreed

Reply

luvpav | 0

#1010317 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:21

aawwww how cute. if my boyfriend did tht I would totally ask him to marry me.

Reply

ScooterScott | 0

#1010341 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:43

Yes 50, YES!

Reply

zezjo | 3

#1010343 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:44

I am gay

Reply

ThatsJustMii | 0

#1010358 - Friday 28 May 2010 17:06

50 only cane( the dude with herashio as his pic) can do that.. u fail 4 copying him

Reply

dinosauring | 0

#1010379 - Friday 28 May 2010 17:46

you're from the US, OP. you don't "fancy" anyone.

Reply

dudeitsdanny | 9

#1010394 - Friday 28 May 2010 18:15

OP is making the rest pf us look bad.
Now I gotta get my girl sick and hug her to measure up =P

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#1010466 - Friday 28 May 2010 19:33

This is the price for chivalry, OP.

Reply

Thabb | 0

#1010532 - Friday 28 May 2010 22:03

Youre such a nice idiot.

Anti flood should be
removed.

Reply

Alpha35 | 4

#1010551 - Friday 28 May 2010 22:30

the things that guys do to be sweet to a girl.... end up being a test of will power!

Reply

zach055 | 23

#1010580 - Friday 28 May 2010 23:16

Maybe you two can puke together, at least that way you would have something to talk about.

Reply

CyclonePsycho | 1

#1010581 - Friday 28 May 2010 23:19

97: Antiflood should be removed? What, so you idiots can spam the crap out of the comments board? No thanks. Long live antiflood.

Reply

FaceMelterx2530 | 4

#1010616 - Friday 28 May 2010 23:58

HAHAHAHAHAHA llcooljoey you just won bigtime

Reply

muffduff101 | 0

#1010695 - Saturday 29 May 2010 1:35

nice op
Now u know she fancies u too atleast rite?

Reply

ItsFriedRice | 0

#1011141 - Saturday 29 May 2010 10:48

Ask and thou shall receive.

Reply

kinukle | 0

#1011314 - Saturday 29 May 2010 14:29

how sweet, now you can puke together in perfect harmony.

Reply

dabomblyktiktikk | 0

#1011384 - Saturday 29 May 2010 15:47

19&50 win... 50,000 POINTS FOR GRYFYNDORRRR!!!!!!!!! :D

Reply

adins1997 | 0

#1153653 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 22:11

ydi for using the word `fancy` in ur fml

Reply

MyScurvy | 22

#6245325 - Saturday 28 March 2015 1:19

What was this comment?

By Mirorbo | 26

#1010144 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:15

Fuhohoho!~ You asked for it, you deal with it!

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1010242 - Friday 28 May 2010 14:12

ydi

Reply

krazykiya12095 | 0

#1010564 - Friday 28 May 2010 22:54

awww thats cute, buht ydi she told yuuh so(:

Reply

blankettt | 0

#1012345 - Sunday 30 May 2010 9:01

Yeah, I agree. OP, you can't really complain, you DID ask for it.

By BlueTwist89 | 0

#1010147 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:16

Lol, YDI. If someone is sick, you should keep your distance...

Reply

Quidikic | 9

#1426601 - Sunday 19 September 2010 13:26

unless asking for a BJ, then you force them

Reply

binger_gitch | 12

#5899073 - Saturday 29 March 2014 5:58

Well YDI because you knew she was sick & a possibility to be sick. but it was also sweet so it balances out.

By JMWHS | 0

#1010148 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:16

well go you for making her feel better at least. but that's the price we pay to impress girls lol

Reply

clownman | 0

#1491458 - Sunday 3 October 2010 14:12

true that!

By WindsweptSky | 5

#1010150 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:19

Aw. At least you tried. Failed but tried. Maybe next time just give her a card... :)

Reply

WindsweptSky | 5

#1010167 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:28

BTW. #9 is right. A hug won't get you sick where you are puking. That is caused by a virus that is hand to mouth/mouth to mouth transferred.

Reply

cincin75 | 0

#1010193 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:53

Sweet. I wish u kissed her. 

Reply

hoopstar15 | 0

#1010929 - Saturday 29 May 2010 7:05

wait 50 was that a csi Miami reference???

Reply

lolpwnagelol | 0

#1010955 - Saturday 29 May 2010 7:44

yes

By JhasNeeh | 7

#1010151 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:20

This really isn't an FML. You chose to be gentlemanly and take the risk - now you're whining like a 4 year old. F HER L for being liked by someone without a backbone.

By ChivalrousZombie | 0

#1010154 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:22

"she protested" is where you lost the FML and it became a YDI.
If someone is feeling sick enough to say no, don't hug me?
You probably should listen to them...

By BelleElle_fml | 5

#1010159 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:25

Aww, but that's really sweet. I'm sure she was impressed. But, FYL cause now you're really sick too. :(

By Good_old_Grim | 8

#1010160 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:25

WTF is she sick with? Bubonic-superAIDS?

How can a hug transmit smth that totally fucks up your stomach?

By tdkage | 0

#1010161 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:26

She smelled that bad?

Haha, joking.