Miscellaneous: Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was... - FML

By Noname - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13582

You deserved it

44400

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Vulture

Vandals!

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25266

You deserved it

1834

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 22:58

Stubborn

Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1145

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By JFC

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12004

You deserved it

996

Tweet

Share

By Chelsy - Australia - Canberra

Can he fix it?

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By whymommywhy - United States

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57191

You deserved it

26872

Tweet

Share

By Single4Life - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39792

You deserved it

3337

Tweet

Share

By mickstinator - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43188

You deserved it

7206

Tweet

Share

By ZSL - United States

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76600

You deserved it

9025

Tweet

Share

By Dr.Octopus454 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31044

You deserved it

3606

Tweet

Share

By TotallyDeservedIt - United States - Midlothian

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8043

You deserved it

12783

Tweet

Share

By horny bastard - United States

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10739

You deserved it

41709

Tweet

Share

By jaymash - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17428

You deserved it

64242

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/4/2020 17:00

Every little helps

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1799

You deserved it

186

Tweet

Share

By ke - United States

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7828

You deserved it

30756

Tweet

Share

By Spelit - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24887

You deserved it

13528

Tweet

Share

By unfortunate - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50036

You deserved it

3174

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5929

You deserved it

504

Tweet

Share

By Katy3225 - United States - Rockaway Park

First Impression

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3488

You deserved it

1624

Tweet

Share

By Binks - 26/10/2020 12:01 - United States - Charleston

Ghosts!

Today I woke up feeling good and ready for my online business class final, only to find that it had somehow been submitted and graded with a zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks

997

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By bankergirl - United States

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10461

You deserved it

27193

Tweet

Share

By Trooper - United Kingdom - Caterham

Today, I saw the postman approach my house through the window, and my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10808

You deserved it

2283

Tweet

Share

By haphazard2007 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33932

You deserved it

2837

Tweet

Share

By Poorphone - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8768

You deserved it

1004

Tweet

Share

By JillianJuneBug

Mexican Standoff

Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

575

Tweet

Share

By getmoneyab - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9782

You deserved it

67712

Tweet

Share

By fisted - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26866

You deserved it

11677

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28309

You deserved it

2987

Tweet

Share

By eww. - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56230

You deserved it

7184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29352

You deserved it

2241

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3134

You deserved it

893

Tweet

Share

By 9inchsofty

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2934

You deserved it

913

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66148

You deserved it

13124

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51628

You deserved it

7419

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20500

You deserved it

52662

Tweet

Share

By tempted to become single - United States - Atwater

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

26209

You deserved it

3146

Tweet

Share

By TheComedyAudio

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4650

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By bloody - United States

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52032

You deserved it

5060

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3167

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By Cody - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28869

You deserved it

2295

Tweet

Share

By stillsick - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39232

You deserved it

3222

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By frankoisdarkel | 0

#11296 - Monday 2 March 2009 20:06

f your life? f HER life. you're not the one wearing what sounds like the world's ugliest shoes ...

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#11433 - Monday 2 March 2009 21:50

if she was dressing tacky, why was she wearing shoes that MATCHED her outfit

COMMENTS

By frankoisdarkel | 0

#11296 - Monday 2 March 2009 20:06

f your life? f HER life. you're not the one wearing what sounds like the world's ugliest shoes ...

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1013463 - Monday 31 May 2010 7:06

I agree with #1

By sancho839 | 0

#11305 - Monday 2 March 2009 20:13

seriously? that's your fml? you commented on someone's shoes? really? shut the hell up.

By babbling27 | 0

#11349 - Monday 2 March 2009 20:56

haha #1 that's exactly what I was thinking

By ForestFire0 | 1

#11406 - Monday 2 March 2009 21:31

Well, now your friend knows she has horrible taste

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#11433 - Monday 2 March 2009 21:50

if she was dressing tacky, why was she wearing shoes that MATCHED her outfit

By keke_fml | 0

#11477 - Monday 2 March 2009 22:30

I personally like snake skin shoes...

By sahreeg | 0

#11490 - Monday 2 March 2009 22:48

F HER life
BIG TIME xD
she had it in the ugly way
be proud xD

By texmas | 0

#11497 - Monday 2 March 2009 22:54

Orange snake skin shoes? At least know she KNOWS they're horrible.

By casanova_fml | 0

#11673 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 0:54

why is this a F your like? who cares?

By galad2003 | 0

#11736 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:21

This hardly qualifies as a f-your life.