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By jewelthewat - 19/09/2014 12:52 - Netherlands - Driebergen

Today, while on the bus, a friendly-looking guy smiled at me, so I smiled back. He then pointed at my teeth and said, "You gonna get those fixed, or just keep them as a conversation starter?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 509

You deserved it 4 152

jewelthewat tells us more.

jewelthewat 9

Saturday 20 September 2014 15:08

I was on a holiday to see my long distance boyfriend in the UK. We took a bus to go see a movie that evening, but a bunch of school kids had to take the bus too. Apparently this guy knew my boyfriend from when they both still attended the same high school and he thought he was funny. We had a really weird conversation, this guy and me, but apart from weird and a little rude, he was also quite friendly and funny. The remark about my teeth was a joke too. About my teeth, my upper jaw is a little too small so my canines are "on top" of my other teeth. It looks REALLY cool, but yeah, it's quite visible (especially when I smile, I look like a vampire). Thanks for all your comments guys, you're really sweet!

Giving and taking

By patriarchal apparently - 29/06/2013 19:58 - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 319

You deserved it 10 031

By great - 20/07/2012 10:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 557

You deserved it 31 444

Shocked

By tawan - 04/12/2009 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 983

You deserved it 3 054

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 404

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 532

You deserved it 4 124

By distressed - 05/11/2010 23:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 554

You deserved it 4 112

By Langdon - 15/05/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 822

You deserved it 9 627

By azerty - 10/02/2012 10:50 - Sweden

Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The exam starts. Suddenly, I’m stressing out: my pens had frozen during the night. Thanks, sub-zero conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

By crazy_mom - 01/11/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 692

You deserved it 4 358

No good deed…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 199

You deserved it 4 000

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 473

You deserved it 6 049

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 164

You deserved it 6 931

Where is she now?

By RensM - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I went to the movies. I was sat next to a woman who talked through the film and said, "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 972

You deserved it 3 248

By wookieewhosshe - 18/05/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 141

By royalscenery - 27/10/2010 21:58 - Canada

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 278

You deserved it 2 842

By charlie - 10/05/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 922

You deserved it 3 013

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 12:00

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 113

Empty gesture

By Loved - 25/05/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 658

You deserved it 218

By Awkward Jeff - 26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 802

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has epilepsy. How did I find this out? He started having a seizure after I did a striptease for him. I can’t get my boyfriend aroused now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 200

Life's a beach

By squishylog - 12/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 953

You deserved it 7 111

By lookslikeaboyapparently - 19/10/2010 21:23 - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" I said, "I'm a girl of course!" She walked away, looking dazed and saying, "Whoa." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 6 001

This charming man

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 22:00

Today, my date from last night sent a text obviously meant for his brother or a friend, which said, and I quote, “Bro I tried all those psychological tricks you taught me to get her to want to suck my dick but she didn’t offer even once, now I got blue balls and I had to pay for her meal too.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 886

You deserved it 353

Creeped out

By NotASpiderMan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 6 229

By notthenaughtymaid - 04/08/2014 21:54 - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 604

You deserved it 4 363

Who the **** is this guy?

By Username - 06/08/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 008

You deserved it 2 945

Karme is real

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 083

You deserved it 35 510

Wardrobe malfunction

By Unknown - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight the shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow, and I tugged so hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 804

You deserved it 37 409

Bored to death

By squarecircles - 15/06/2019 19:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 570

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 275

You deserved it 3 395

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 355

You deserved it 4 787

Random

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 492

You deserved it 63 371

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 32

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 648

Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 223

You deserved it 227

Today, I learned what the phrase "Never trust a far", is all about. I spent several minutes trying to wash my filthy underwear in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 360

Today, I'm synesthetic and see sound and get sensory overload. I've got roadworks outside, a big renovation, and a party with lots of kids next door. My kid alternates between screaming, singing, or playing with the loudest toys. I also have a friend staying over who has no volume control. I can't go anywhere else due to disability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 192