By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 22:43 - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks 62 092
You deserved it 3 955

Same thing different taste

Top comments

That asshole needs to switch to decaf. And get his eyes checked. Either that or you're a two-timing *****.

Comments

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Well then stop being a two timing *****, OP! Obviously that's what number one meant.

Well then, I hope you're ok OP. I work at a coffee shop and to get coffee poured on me...ouch!

Hopefully it was iced coffee and not scalding hot!

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Pwn17 25

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Gingerette 8

#31- okay, but only because you said to.

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Just saying "*****" isnt at all funny. It's not that certain humor falls flat as much as it is that nothing you said was remotely humorous.

Lol thanks 31 and I just realized that my shades in my pic look like Allan's too :P

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Are we all saying one lined obscenities? Ok, focus.. SCUTTLEBUTT! That's all I could think of..

Jemm- LOVE your profile pic! M*A*S*H all the way! :)

MerrikBarbarian 9

46- you have a storm trooper icon and couldn't think of anything better? Kriff! Shavit! Ee chu ta! Fierfek! You put us Star Wars fans to shame :p Cookies to anyone who understands what all those mean without looking them up. Dark side cookies of course.

threer 30

I thought it was hilarious. It's kind of like irony because the man didn't know and we did, yet he still said it.. I completely agree. Some types of subtle humor isn't appreciated by enough people here.

That really sucks OP. I'm sorry. That poor guy though, someone must have hurt him badly to send him crying like that :(

OP must really needs her meds. She evidently not only forgot two timing the guy, but also thinks she's 14. It's ok OP, the FML community will make sure you receive proper care.

I don't think he forgot his meds. I think he needed to actually drink the coffee and wake his ass up and see its a 14 year old stranger in front of him. Either that or he's crazy and is off his meds.

Unionbay47 10

Nothing happened so it could escalate quickly... lol

That asshole needs to switch to decaf. And get his eyes checked. Either that or you're a two-timing *****.

Interesting theory.. But what if the coffee had some really powerful hallucinogen that makes men see 14-yo ladies as a "two-timing *****"

Being 14 and a two timing ***** isn't mutually exclusive. I knew several when I was that age.

ItsAnanya 25

That's a pretty whoreible situation :( Sorry about that OP. People are crazy sometimes.

Is anyone else disturbed that a middle aged man mixed up a 14 year old for his cheating girlfriend? 14 year olds don't exactly look legal. I hope he wasn't dating jail bait.

Who knows? Maybe we'll see him on Dateline soon...

RedPillSucks 31

Some older women look younger than normal, some teens look older than they are, and some teens think middle age is 25

Age can be hard to guess by looks sometimes. I had two girls I knew, one looked about twelve and was nineteen. The other was getting asked out to bars, but only being fourteen.

Scynistr 20

I dunno.. Some girls look a lot more mature than their age should let them look.. Specially with how some of them dress now..

I've been mistaken for an adult since I was 10, it's not that uncommon for a 14 year old to look older than they are

skyttlz 32

I'm 19 and everyone says I look 16, one person even said I look 14.

Not really, I'm 19 and still get mistaken for being 15 or younger. Although there was that one time I was mistaken for a 21 year old at a ski lodge where I live, they tried to give me a beer. I was 16 at the time.

#22 RPS after your comment, I'm now wondering if the OP is called a 25 year old man "middle age"? :P At my job, I'm always getting these old men-- asking me to guess their age. I hate this game! If I guess too high or even know the correct answer, they get insulted so I humour them and lowball but I'm always spot on!

Secretly this story is about me because according to that volunteer basketball coach I look young enough to be in high school. Wait that might actually make me a two timing *****. Never mind I take it back.

meherm 11

#22 Yes exactly. I'm 19 and people always mistake me for being 14-16ish.

ravenevercross 19

It's also quite possible and more likely that the 14 year old girl looks much older than she actually is. I've seen 13 yr old girls with double Ds after all. Regardless of what you look like OP, FYL. Hopefully it was iced.

sodapop3 5

Maybe you got coffee from somewhere else, and he called you that because you cheated on his coffee!"?

Disturbing way to find out you're hot stuff.