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By Shoes - 12/06/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

agreeclassic 76 177

vote type 1 4 236

By Neanderthals walk among us - 04/08/2013 19:09 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML

agreeclassic 51 594

vote type 1 3 156

Sugar Daddy

By about2behomelezz - 16/02/2022 00:01

Today, I found an eviction notice at the apartment my boyfriend and I share. I always give him my share of the rent, and he pays it. Or so I thought. He’s been using our rent money to shower his side chick with gifts and expensive dinners. The worst part? The girl is my 18 year-old sister. He’s 34. FML

agreeclassic 1 667

vote type 1 156

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 07:04 - United States - Burbank

Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

agreeclassic 10 559

vote type 1 25 269

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

agreeclassic 43 989

vote type 1 2 665

By OfficeDroneWoman - 23/07/2013 17:16 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

agreeclassic 51 806

vote type 1 3 427

OfficeDroneWoman app_comment_confession_title

OfficeDroneWoman 1

Sunday 28 July 2013 5:27

OP here. Some of you noticed it said "woman." Yes, I'm a woman. That's why her complaint made no sense. Glad to report, though, that after a couple days HR got back to me and said I was off the hook, and told her that if she makes any more accusations like that, she'll be fired. She can't even look me in the eye now.

By Anonymous - 19/02/2017 01:00 - Australia - Stretton

Today, I was in the shower washing my hair when my hand ran down the shower caddy and in particular, on my razor. If I wasn't woozy from all the blood splatter around the shower - seeing the bone that connects my finger definitely did it. FML

agreeclassic 6 582

vote type 1 778

Pervs, pervs everywhere

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years-old. FML

agreeclassic 48 342

vote type 1 5 547

By Tang - 27/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

agreeclassic 5 890

vote type 1 579

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 05:03 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

agreeclassic 28 834

vote type 1 2 577

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

agreeclassic 36 071

vote type 1 16 975

Who the **** are you?

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

agreeclassic 70 420

vote type 1 4 166

By MrRadin - 04/12/2015 05:31 - France

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

agreeclassic 491

vote type 1 48

By SadMother - 04/10/2014 19:52 - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

agreeclassic 50 929

vote type 1 11 973

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 13:27 - United States

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

agreeclassic 50 441

vote type 1 24 061

By Katthebamf - 28/09/2014 14:25 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

agreeclassic 45 525

vote type 1 3 824

Katthebamf app_comment_confession_title

Katthebamf 29

Sunday 28 September 2014 19:59

I'm fine we were going around 25mph down a quiet road. I always wear my protective gear so no scrapes just a sore back. Yeah he did forget as I'm quite agile and move well with the bike. When he noticed he stopped and helped me back onto the back to get me home. He's been very apologetic ever since but I take it in good jest as we have a really good relationship. :) thank you for your concern though