Transportation: Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally...

By therosalina - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

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2795

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Transportation

I'll get right on it, chief

Unrequited

Thanks for the support

By Hungrytoothbrush - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

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35088

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2390

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By theuglyone - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

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12043

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813

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By HowToGetFired - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

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22036

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By Lola

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

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1385

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521

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By nottililgirl - United States

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

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7989

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15895

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By Anonymous - United States - Missoula

Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML

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12002

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By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40979

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7255

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2045

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186

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By use your brain mother - United States - Springville

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for 4 or more hours. Not even 2 hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29618

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By Nickname - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

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22714

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13818

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Teenage narcs

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have 2 teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

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1753

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132

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By Elis - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

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61524

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Thanks for the support!

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

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1090

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207

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By guessnot - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

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38798

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4637

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

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11639

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64146

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

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13793

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54664

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By wtf?? - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

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37671

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3581

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

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35777

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3723

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By CassafrasSss - United States - Naperville

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

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8713

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690

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By Anonymous - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

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40906

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5151

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By Koda

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

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38598

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4658

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By missmolliss - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

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28067

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3356

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By Anonymous

Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML

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2821

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466

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

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32053

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29273

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By liberatedwoman - Oman

Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman". She was disappointed and disturbed by this and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

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55963

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7348

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By Zak - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

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26138

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3421

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By kansasgirl - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

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24686

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By myBFsucks - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

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50222

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By trolls have hit the gutters - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, a homeless guy told me I looked like shit and to have some self-respect. Right. FML

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30527

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By nickim756 - United States

Smooth criminal

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

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43365

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6201

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By awkward - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

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16886

You deserved it

1340

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By McMuffin

Today, my 3-year-old daughter ran with arms wide open towards me, smiling, only to pass me by and hug the gardener instead. FML

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4175

You deserved it

533

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By Ames - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

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56379

You deserved it

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By ???

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

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8643

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465

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31566

You deserved it

5503

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By Anonymous - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41224

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4869

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41524

You deserved it

9699

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By ripped - Canada

Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35084

You deserved it

63708

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By ...

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

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2120

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Top comments

By rodfergie | 18

#7702458 - Monday 1 October 2018 18:13

Now your neighbor has to fix it, not you or your dad

By Levi2411 | 38

#7702464 - Monday 1 October 2018 18:28

You can only move the invisible boatmobile so far, before someone is bound to hit it...

COMMENTS

By rodfergie | 18

#7702458 - Monday 1 October 2018 18:13

Now your neighbor has to fix it, not you or your dad

By Levi2411 | 38

#7702464 - Monday 1 October 2018 18:28

You can only move the invisible boatmobile so far, before someone is bound to hit it...

By melisssa87 | 30

#7702483 - Monday 1 October 2018 19:33

FML your neighbor, he always had it crystal clear all the way, didn’t even have to look

By Nik | 12

#7703033 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 20:17

they're both in on it