Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account.... - FML

By KaityK - 19/4/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

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Family values

Goodbye Bill

Child labor

By RatCityChick - 27/6/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 02:00 - United States - Denver

Decisions, decisions

Today my boyfriend, whom I haven't seen all summer, blew off our date to attend a local chili eating contest. FML

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By you would - 4/3/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

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By XxDanno316xX - 8/8/2010 14:52 - United States

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2018 13:00

3spooky5me

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

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By TCRII - 11/10/2017 22:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 16:58 - Australia

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

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By MedStudent90 - 11/12/2014 18:10 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

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By Bonapp - 9/2/2012 22:11 - France

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

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By jitterbug - 2/1/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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By Gameless Guy - 24/12/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

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By Chris Altenbach - 23/2/2010 20:55 - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

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By lovingthis - 9/1/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

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By anon - 29/11/2011 23:59 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

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By dhskkf - 28/8/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

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By dragynfyre - 6/3/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

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By tftm - 5/1/2013 05:37 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

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By cincity - 20/7/2018 15:00

Today, my fiancé forgot his wallet. He realized this once we were 5 hours away from home, before checking into a hotel, that had reservations under his name. FML

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By damnit - 16/10/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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By Looking4ajob - 19/7/2016 03:47 - United States - Jackson

Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

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By UnluckyGroom - 9/6/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

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By notarobber - 15/5/2013 07:20 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

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By yaa - 26/5/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

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By ugly - 15/4/2011 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

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By IamHM - 19/7/2016 18:36 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I am on a 14 hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

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By Mak1 - 5/12/2008 08:12 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2015 19:37 - Canada

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2019 23:00

Complicated relationship

Today my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Why? She wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore. She seemed pretty sure though, seeing she was on Tinder less than 2 hours after, thanks to the 3 different friends that all called me about it. FML

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By oops - 9/2/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2016 02:21 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

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By anonymous - 15/6/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

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By abby0019 - 13/3/2010 00:08 - France

Today, my new neighbours came over to introduce themselves. I open the door to see my ex-husband, with a horrified look on his face, and his girlfriend. FML

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By - 24/3/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5am, which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7am. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10am. Just let me sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 09:29 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 05:14 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 14:00

Cats gonna cat

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

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By not invited - 13/12/2015 01:13 - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and 9 other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

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Top comments

By slavka012 | 11

#6584220 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:31

Stop whining, unfriend them back and block if needed. Problem solved.

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6584219 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:30

Well, lucky for you there's an unfriend/unfollow option. You might want to use the block button on the ex though. Just as a precaution.

COMMENTS

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6584219 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:30

Well, lucky for you there's an unfriend/unfollow option. You might want to use the block button on the ex though. Just as a precaution.

Reply

LizziSlotwinski | 10

#6584221 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:32

I agree, block him. Cause it could lead to a bad situation.

By slavka012 | 11

#6584220 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:31

Stop whining, unfriend them back and block if needed. Problem solved.

Reply

Ihavegas | 22

#6584233 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:50

could you say that in arnies voice in kindergaten cop.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#6584812 - Thursday 21 April 2016 0:48

Seriously. Would have taken less time than writing the FML.

By Death546 | 25

#6584222 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:33

And the problem is? Just I friend them, it's that easy.

Reply

muarif | 19

#6584371 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 16:55

Unfriend*

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6585133 - Thursday 21 April 2016 11:01

So we're really gonna down vote #4 for making a mistake and up vote #28 for correcting them when we all fucking knew what 4 meant? Okay.

By amileah13 | 26

#6584224 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:35

Delete, block, don't let other people use your Facebook.

By Mathalamus | 24

#6584229 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:42

just remove them again.

Reply

zach205 | 24

#6584303 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 15:28

He then just becomes unfriendable Larry.

By mylsux | 15

#6584236 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 12:58

You should probably let your sister know about the friend requests and not to accept them until she gets an ok from you

By Redmond64 | 16

#6584241 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 13:03

Dont let your sister use your facebook. Cmon

By jwill200 | 16

#6584242 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 13:04

That's why you always say no and don't just ignore them

By demamcgirl16 | 21

#6584247 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 13:08

Maybe you should talk to your sister about online privacy, so that she knows to be aware of things like this if she ever gets her own Facebook/ social media account.

By cfnavyusn | 6

#6584250 - Wednesday 20 April 2016 13:14

you have the option to delete the request if you don't want to add them, just for future reference. You can also unfriend and block them if need be.