Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to...

By TypeOhNegative - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

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TypeOhNegative tells us more :

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI. To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

Intimacy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Our house, in the middle of our street

Compassionate management

By Rainydaze - United States - Hillsboro

Today, the guy I hooked up with last summer who was "going through a divorce" welcomed his new baby with his loving wife. FML

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4093

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By touristtraphotel - Puerto Rico

Today, my former boss is threatening to keep my last paycheck until I return a skateboard that a guest forgot at the hotel about a month ago. She was the one who gave me the order to put it in the trash. FML

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14774

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By mizzy - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

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32274

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Mix and match

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

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777

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310

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By lonely - United States

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

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30663

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By 30Jenna - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

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47659

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6282

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By mayerstexmex69 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

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31575

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 17:01

Damn squares!

Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML

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1202

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By Xav_Cad - France

Today, I found a deodorant spray underneath the counter of the snack place I work in, so give it a try to see what it smells like. It's currently the high season, and so I have quite a few clients standing in line in front of me, but it seems they'll now have to wait a couple of days for the restaurant to have all the remnants of the CS gas spray cleaned up. FML

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7055

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting in Walmart when I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with, "You know I'm a guy, right?" FML

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915

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1619

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By edot - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

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32344

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By notpayedenoughforthisshit - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

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40636

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By lukey101 - 14/2/2021 18:30 - Australia

Casual something

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

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553

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342

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By wildthing - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

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75367

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By Cop-er-Pot

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

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3497

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284

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By hexphoenix - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

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34218

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By Robert

Today, I finally got medication to deal with my seizures. I've had them since I was 5, but my mother had always believed I was faking it. When I seized during a basketball game, she actually came onto the court and lectured the referee for "humoring" me. FML

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5865

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307

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By CompleteWithPictures - United States

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML

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15125

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By DEDMan

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

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3856

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML

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46252

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By ohsugarxo - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

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57222

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3990

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By Shoeless - United States

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

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7339

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By psychedout - United States

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

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By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Mystery

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

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954

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By moweezy9 - United States

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

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By ring-a-ding-ding - United States - Sparks

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

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37102

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By Peach - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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23622

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By me - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out that the guy who asked me out only did so because he thought I "looked rich." He broke everything off once he found out I live in a one-bedroom apartment and drive a 14-year old Volvo. FML

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49829

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By SickMaMa - United States - Cortland

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

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37700

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

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27423

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

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22893

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By GeofftyGeoff

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

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2030

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147

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By N/A - 26/5/2020 02:00

Time is of the essence

Today, my job offer from a Fortune 500 company was canceled because of the coronavirus. This is the third time this year a job I passed interviews and tests for got canceled. I’m an international student who just graduated last week. I only have 90 days to find a job to stay in the US. FML

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1696

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By ow

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

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6598

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588

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 05:00

Stained

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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1325

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159

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By Anonymous - Europe

Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML

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24612

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By Lisa

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

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2496

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By nonmormon - United States

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

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Top comments

By christyxbee | 15

#5071164 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

You better red-neck-inized !

By SpicyDuck | 22

#5071167 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

Perfectly good names, ruined!

COMMENTS

By christyxbee | 15

#5071164 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

You better red-neck-inized !

HahaBoy | 0

#5071195 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:05

Wow, the grammar on this FML post is whack!

Rosicles | 8

#5071442 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 11:27

Does a dollar make you hollar?

christyxbee | 15

#5073882 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:52

Spray tan's like poop in a can!

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5074609 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:33

'A dolla make me holla honey boo boo!' :D

Scarshadow101 | 6

#5074627 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:39

"MY SPECIAL GO-GO JUICE HELPS ME WIIIIIN"

christyxbee | 15

#5074676 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:01

ELVIS HELPS SANTA CLAUS MAKE TOYS

MormonPornstar | 7

#5074736 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:27

^ -_-

brittanyrmh_ | 12

#5079056 - Thursday 25 October 2012 6:54

I hope Mama don't eat Glitzy! She eats everything else!

By SpicyDuck | 22

#5071167 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

Perfectly good names, ruined!

By cheer21moose | 13

#5071169 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:01

Well honey, don't get sad! You'll be boo boo hooing all night!

deBlobX | 12

#5071827 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 13:50

That is the gayest attempt at a comment I have ever seen

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5072207 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 15:56

That was almost painful to read.

Beranii | 5

#5072428 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 16:44

Not almost... It WAS hard to read.

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#5071175 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:01

I can only imagine the look on his face the second he realized what he said. :P

DKjazz | 20

#5071291 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:46

Maybe he doesn't know about the show, and he saw the words "honey boo boo" flying around on the internet.

annie_nk | 22

#5071321 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:59

Possible. If the name wasn't connected to the overweight child, it could be a sweet pet name.

PandaMantis | 6

#5072302 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 16:18

Thenegative connotation has little to do with her weight and more to do with how self-entitled brattiness is being glorified.

Ray_of_midnight | 22

#5074262 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 1:24

@14 Yeah, not having cable TV, I was ... blessedly unaware of this show until a couple of weeks ago. I can see someone else who doesn't know about the show stringing baby-talk words together and coming up with "Honey Boo Boo" as a pet name.

By LadyLol_fml | 15

#5071178 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:02

The others must be crazy if they think they gonna sleep with Honey Boo Boo Child!

By ynaynd | 6

#5071200 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:06

Sounds pretty sweet to me

drewcat21 | 0

#5073123 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:10

Either you haven't heard of the show yet (which if so youtube it and your mind) or you're just an idiot.

rockstar362 | 8

#5073853 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:46

Yeah I'm not gonna lie sounds sweet to me as well... Sounds like someone is a little high maintenance

MormonPornstar | 7

#5075479 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 9:58

All I'm thinking is Honey Badger... not sure what the whole Boo Boo thing is

drewcat21 | 0

#5087063 - Saturday 27 October 2012 11:07

YouTube honey boo boo. It's a reality tv show about a little spoiled brat they call honey boo boo. Watch about 30 seconds of it and you'll realize why it is horrible.