Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to...

By TypeOhNegative - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

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TypeOhNegative tells us more :

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI. To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

Intimacy

The opposite of a good idea

Fear factor

Modernity

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

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By notalcoholic - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

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27962

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By smyp - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

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31669

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By Blazouta - France

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

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55962

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By eyebags - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

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10338

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By kissless - United States

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

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41317

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By anonymous - United States - Westwood

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

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31577

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By anonymous - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

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24194

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2068

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

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10835

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By notthebesttime

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

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39604

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By not sexy anymore - 28/7/2020 05:01

Get on with it!

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

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1704

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By Familyreject - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

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2271

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By cavallo31 - United States

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

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11844

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By anon - United States

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

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28531

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By nerdlette - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

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39026

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By notquitejuliet - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25197

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6631

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By noeducation - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

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61247

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By Anonymous

Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML

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4017

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335

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By kellyem2

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

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20654

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By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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29390

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2133

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By Notthemaid - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

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56374

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By lockedoutbabysitter - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

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By frustrated - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

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By stubblebutt - Australia

Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML

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By lanu - United States

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

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29984

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By Chris - France

Today, the windows on my car were frozen. I filled up a bucket of hot water, and threw it on the windows. The windows cracked. FML

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By Sting - United States - Manassas

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

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14346

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By shots shots shots - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

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27307

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2967

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By whatsmccraken - Taiwan

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:02

The movie of my life

Today, I learnt my boyfriend has just been using me for character development for the last 5 years. FML

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715

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By hellishome

Dad priorities

Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML

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2171

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

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40201

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By chiclet - France

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

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28090

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 15:02 - United States - Boise

Suspicious

Today, I pulled over because my cell phone was ringing, as it's now illegal to use in a car. I finished the call when a motorcycle cop on side of road pulls up behind me and comes over. The reason? "You pulled off the road and it was suspicious, then I ran your plate…" FML

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1084

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293

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7187

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2055

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

Today, I was writing an essay while sleep-deprived. In between actually writing, I started typing my thoughts. It was only after I’d submitted the essay that I realized that I hadn’t deleted the random words. My teacher can see my early-morning rambling about potatoes. I have no way to delete it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

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41612

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2993

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By Anonymous - United States - Peru

Classic Jeff

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

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8748

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By teachingsucks - United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

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11713

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Top comments

By christyxbee | 15

#5071164 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

You better red-neck-inized !

By SpicyDuck | 22

#5071167 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

Perfectly good names, ruined!

COMMENTS

By christyxbee | 15

#5071164 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

You better red-neck-inized !

HahaBoy | 0

#5071195 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:05

Wow, the grammar on this FML post is whack!

Rosicles | 8

#5071442 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 11:27

Does a dollar make you hollar?

christyxbee | 15

#5073882 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:52

Spray tan's like poop in a can!

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5074609 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:33

'A dolla make me holla honey boo boo!' :D

Scarshadow101 | 6

#5074627 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:39

"MY SPECIAL GO-GO JUICE HELPS ME WIIIIIN"

christyxbee | 15

#5074676 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:01

ELVIS HELPS SANTA CLAUS MAKE TOYS

MormonPornstar | 7

#5074736 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:27

^ -_-

brittanyrmh_ | 12

#5079056 - Thursday 25 October 2012 6:54

I hope Mama don't eat Glitzy! She eats everything else!

By SpicyDuck | 22

#5071167 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

Perfectly good names, ruined!

By cheer21moose | 13

#5071169 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:01

Well honey, don't get sad! You'll be boo boo hooing all night!

deBlobX | 12

#5071827 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 13:50

That is the gayest attempt at a comment I have ever seen

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5072207 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 15:56

That was almost painful to read.

Beranii | 5

#5072428 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 16:44

Not almost... It WAS hard to read.

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#5071175 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:01

I can only imagine the look on his face the second he realized what he said. :P

DKjazz | 20

#5071291 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:46

Maybe he doesn't know about the show, and he saw the words "honey boo boo" flying around on the internet.

annie_nk | 22

#5071321 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:59

Possible. If the name wasn't connected to the overweight child, it could be a sweet pet name.

PandaMantis | 6

#5072302 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 16:18

Thenegative connotation has little to do with her weight and more to do with how self-entitled brattiness is being glorified.

Ray_of_midnight | 22

#5074262 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 1:24

@14 Yeah, not having cable TV, I was ... blessedly unaware of this show until a couple of weeks ago. I can see someone else who doesn't know about the show stringing baby-talk words together and coming up with "Honey Boo Boo" as a pet name.

By LadyLol_fml | 15

#5071178 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:02

The others must be crazy if they think they gonna sleep with Honey Boo Boo Child!

By ynaynd | 6

#5071200 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:06

Sounds pretty sweet to me

drewcat21 | 0

#5073123 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:10

Either you haven't heard of the show yet (which if so youtube it and your mind) or you're just an idiot.

rockstar362 | 8

#5073853 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:46

Yeah I'm not gonna lie sounds sweet to me as well... Sounds like someone is a little high maintenance

MormonPornstar | 7

#5075479 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 9:58

All I'm thinking is Honey Badger... not sure what the whole Boo Boo thing is

drewcat21 | 0

#5087063 - Saturday 27 October 2012 11:07

YouTube honey boo boo. It's a reality tv show about a little spoiled brat they call honey boo boo. Watch about 30 seconds of it and you'll realize why it is horrible.