Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to...

By TypeOhNegative - 23/10/2012 03:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

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TypeOhNegative Say more :

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI. To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

Intimacy

Dad jokes, part 43884

No one likes a smart-ass

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By Anne - 29/4/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

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By 11niko - 2/2/2012 04:57 - United States

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

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By Puggle1019 - 17/7/2018 20:30

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

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By blank - 21/1/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

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By dogwheels - 20/12/2011 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

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By RIP - 7/10/2012 18:34 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2012 06:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

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By perfectmoment - 30/11/2009 00:47 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

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By partycats - 23/7/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

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By J Rush - 21/3/2012 11:46 - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

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By idonthavelice - 28/2/2010 13:44 - China

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

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By helen_ - 23/4/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

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By dollfacee - 9/7/2015 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

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By loveyouson - 9/1/2013 18:48 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

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By WTF - 5/9/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

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By lovingpsychosis - 26/5/2011 07:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2009 11:00 - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

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By wo-ow - 6/6/2014 23:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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By douglas - 17/7/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

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By kattydoo07 - 29/4/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 20:43 - Isle of Man

Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

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By Curles - 17/8/2019 04:00 - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 20:05 - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

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By it's awkward - 11/8/2015 16:22 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

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By webperson04 - 27/7/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2013 00:04 - United States - Reno

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

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By Softball - 8/7/2015 13:58 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 03:14 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

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By Noname - 18/1/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

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By bathroomseww - 12/5/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

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By detour165 - 26/12/2013 05:30 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

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By Dino - 12/10/2012 06:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

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By orely44 - 8/3/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

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By Too Many Layers - 24/10/2016 18:43 - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 04:17 - United States - Gilroy

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

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By overseasbummer - 14/11/2014 19:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML

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By Scarred4Life - 11/10/2015 03:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

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Top comments

By christyxbee | 15

#5071164 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

You better red-neck-inized !

By SpicyDuck | 22

#5071167 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

Perfectly good names, ruined!

Comments

By christyxbee | 15

#5071164 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

You better red-neck-inized !

HahaBoy | 0

#5071195 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:05

Wow, the grammar on this FML post is whack!

Rosicles | 8

#5071442 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 11:27

Does a dollar make you hollar?

christyxbee | 15

#5073882 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:52

Spray tan's like poop in a can!

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5074609 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:33

'A dolla make me holla honey boo boo!' :D

Scarshadow101 | 6

#5074627 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:39

"MY SPECIAL GO-GO JUICE HELPS ME WIIIIIN"

christyxbee | 15

#5074676 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:01

ELVIS HELPS SANTA CLAUS MAKE TOYS

MormonPornstar | 7

#5074736 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:27

^ -_-

brittanyrmh_ | 12

#5079056 - Thursday 25 October 2012 6:54

I hope Mama don't eat Glitzy! She eats everything else!

By SpicyDuck | 22

#5071167 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:00

Perfectly good names, ruined!

By cheer21moose | 13

#5071169 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:01

Well honey, don't get sad! You'll be boo boo hooing all night!

deBlobX | 12

#5071827 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 13:50

That is the gayest attempt at a comment I have ever seen

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5072207 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 15:56

That was almost painful to read.

Beranii | 5

#5072428 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 16:44

Not almost... It WAS hard to read.

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#5071175 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:01

I can only imagine the look on his face the second he realized what he said. :P

DKjazz | 20

#5071291 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:46

Maybe he doesn't know about the show, and he saw the words "honey boo boo" flying around on the internet.

annie_nk | 22

#5071321 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:59

Possible. If the name wasn't connected to the overweight child, it could be a sweet pet name.

PandaMantis | 6

#5072302 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 16:18

Thenegative connotation has little to do with her weight and more to do with how self-entitled brattiness is being glorified.

Ray_of_midnight | 22

#5074262 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 1:24

@14 Yeah, not having cable TV, I was ... blessedly unaware of this show until a couple of weeks ago. I can see someone else who doesn't know about the show stringing baby-talk words together and coming up with "Honey Boo Boo" as a pet name.

By LadyLol_fml | 15

#5071178 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:02

The others must be crazy if they think they gonna sleep with Honey Boo Boo Child!

By ynaynd | 6

#5071200 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 9:06

Sounds pretty sweet to me

drewcat21 | 0

#5073123 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:10

Either you haven't heard of the show yet (which if so youtube it and your mind) or you're just an idiot.

rockstar362 | 8

#5073853 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:46

Yeah I'm not gonna lie sounds sweet to me as well... Sounds like someone is a little high maintenance

MormonPornstar | 7

#5075479 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 9:58

All I'm thinking is Honey Badger... not sure what the whole Boo Boo thing is

drewcat21 | 0

#5087063 - Saturday 27 October 2012 11:07

YouTube honey boo boo. It's a reality tv show about a little spoiled brat they call honey boo boo. Watch about 30 seconds of it and you'll realize why it is horrible.