The Top

I'm twenty years old, and my boss never leaves me enough work, but I'm expected to stay a full day so that I can answer the phones during all business hours. Sometimes my days are very slow, so I have to entertain myself. Don't hate on me and my goofiness because you're square. :) I forgot about the mustache because it was small and had been there for a good 3 hours when he showed up. And yes.. I had met him before and I will see him again. We're going to be doing some building for the nearby base. I work for a construction company.

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 15:47 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 893

You deserved it 17 053

Education these days…

By Nongrandma - 26/08/2022 06:00

Today, my 5 year-old announced she’s “pregnant” and rubbed her tummy. I told her that it was impossible, since you have to be a grownup to get pregnant. She said that her oversized teddy bear made her “pregnant” and began humping him while sing-songing the word “pregnant.” No idea who taught her that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 242

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 013

You deserved it 6 552

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 20:58 - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 068

You deserved it 3 853

Multitasking

By misc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 771

You deserved it 3 563

Good boy

By TrainedBF - 12/09/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied, "They worked on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 753

You deserved it 47 144

By THATgirl - 26/01/2018 15:00

Today, our wedding venue canceled on us, leaving us 8 months to find another in peak foliage season. My parents contacted the local news over the ordeal, but they're using my name and picture to make me look like a whiny brat who didn’t get her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 087

You deserved it 1 251

Uber karma

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 11:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dropped off my visibly-upset Uber passengers off at a funeral. I absentmindedly said, “Good luck, have fun!” as they got out. Needless to say, I got my first 1-star rating today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 1 114

Uber out of there

By post valentines depression - 07/04/2018 01:30

Today, my Tinder date arranged an Uber to pick her up before we had even finished our appetizers. She was so bored she couldn't be bothered to stay for the whole meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 883

You deserved it 855

By junior - 11/04/2010 08:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 301

You deserved it 46 498

By Anonymous - 21/01/2013 12:48 - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 387

You deserved it 4 422

BIKES?!

By David - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it might be good the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handlebar. The handlebar came off and I fell down onto the crossbar, busting my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 853

You deserved it 10 362

By nerdygirl101 - 13/03/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 727

You deserved it 4 325

No thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 08:00

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 183

You deserved it 142

By VampObsessed - 05/01/2013 05:30 - United States - Dallas

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 8 745

VampObsessed tells us more.

VampObsessed 16

Wednesday 13 March 2013 9:14

OP here. My key only works on the front lock so I couldn't use any other doors and our windows don't operate to allow anyone in. I had to call my boyfriend to come over and move it for me so I could get in. Recently the spare bedroom I workout in has been overtaken by gnomes and I've opened my bedroom door to a gnome in the hallway. He even put it in the shower. This is not a good way to help me get past my phobia.

By mrteacher - 21/08/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 241

You deserved it 47 321