Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with Tic Tacs. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML
Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML
Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML
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Top comments
kdog333 1
maybe she just thought that you had reallly bad breath, and that it had to be fixed really soon.
bandofsand 10
This is really inappropriate behavior on her part.
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Comments (123)
kdog333 1
maybe she just thought that you had reallly bad breath, and that it had to be fixed really soon.
Harpy20 24
14- My guess is its linked to the psychotic state that lead her to do what she did when she found them.
sens3sfailing 24
my guess is that OP didn't play hide and seek with her contraceptive but rather left it in a place she will remember to take it, such as on the bathroom counter, med cabinet, night stand, or some other out in the open place. not everyone has a reason to hide birth control, I'm guessing that her family is more accepting* of its use than yours or something. *obviously OP's mother wanted a grandchild so she didn't want OP on the pill, but it didn't seem that she minded the pill was used in the first place
happle 21
OP is probably an adult and she either lives with her mom or her mom was just visiting.
desoto96 9
The nerve of some people..
Harpy20 24
And here I was thinking that my mother was crazy about grandkids...
tsim14 4
Your picture matches that statement very well.
bandofsand 10
This is really inappropriate behavior on her part.
turtlemonkey 0
Shut your sensitive ass up
Harpy20 24
22- it looked like a valid statement to me. A bit of an overreaction from someone throwing out accusations of sensitivity...
StalkerChick 13
I think that was 22's attempt at being funny.
MormonPornstar 7
It's okay guys... he doesn't get out much on the reservation. He doesn't know any better.
Harpy20 24
45- how's the world of bubbles? Mormon **** must be an easy market to please, yeah?
happle 21
I agree with 3. What if OP doesn't have the resources to take care of a kid? The mom can really screw them over.
sens3sfailing 24
25-You are among the far too many that recent needed to be told to GET A ******* SENSE OF HUMOR! ITS BLOODY FML!!!!!
Harpy20 24
No I actually found his reaction and following statement hilarious, which is why I pointed it out. As for you... -___-
sens3sfailing 24
if you found it as hilarious why did you put it down as an over reaction? your comment was pretty cut and dry about what you thought of 22's comment and at no point in there did hilarious pop out at me.
GoldenGrizzly 7
My boyfriend's grandmother wants to be a great grandmother. She keeps trying to get us to reproduce. It's weird, especially because we are 20 and 21. Its a little young to be doing that.
botanistjessica 24
92 - Does it make you happy to tell everyone on the Internet what they think and do is shit? Because as I've been scrolling through the site, your name has come up quite a few times.
sens3sfailing 24
109-I say what I think. I don't like censoring myself, and I have capability of being an asshole. It happens sometimes.get over it.
LyricaSilvan 29
Oh for ****'s sake, 78, just shut the **** up already. You're bitching about how it's supposed to be funny; well it's not exactly funny to watch you whine like a little bitch just because somebody disagreed with you, either.
nephilim241 19
..at least they're only two calories! (But seriously fyl OP, swap out her toothpaste for polygrip)
sunkistfitch 4
Or shampoo for hair remover. Or body wash with icy hot.
sens3sfailing 24
Or her vitamins for plutonium...too far? okay, I understand.
ASD_K 11
Which kind of calorie/Calorie? (I assume the kilocalorie)
ariverperson 11
thats absolutely psychotic. run.
Harpy20 24
Run? Unless OP's mum has a penis, I think she just needs to have a talk with her mother and take further precaution against her.
cristy91 33
26: I don't see how talking to a woman this irrational will solve anything. I'm sure they've already discussed it, seeing as they've touched the topic of grandchildren already and OPs mom clearly did not care. Not everyone has a chill mom and a hard ass dad.
Harpy20 24
Hence the 'take further precaution.' Like distancing herself. Running seemed like overkill, which was all I meant.
SierraaaNicoleee 26
Slip her roofies, or as Black Doug likes to call them floories.
Harpy20 24
You seem pretty fond of this 'Black Doug' you speak of...
SierraaaNicoleee 26
Well, since The Hangover is such an epic movie, then yes, yes I am.
sarcasm17 10
At least they weren't laxatives...
Neonemerld 21
I'm pretty sure having an unexpected child is far worse that unexpected diarrhea.
s15c 9
42- How about unexpected kids AND diarrhea? Laxatives aren't a form of birth control, either.
sarcasm17 10
Well I'm pretty sure I would rather eat a tic tac than a laxative. People are so serious these days...
Harpy20 24
"OMG IT COULD HAVE BEEN A LAXATIVE!" *seriousness*
cranker08 10
Aww in a very strange way I find that cute!
Yousuck24 21
I find it strange how you can think this is cute at all.
tne201992 12
How in the hell is that cute?!!
bandofsand 10
If by cute you mean scary and problematic then I totally agree.
Jonah171 12
No, it's not "cute". She needs to have children when SHE is ready, not when her mother is ready for her to.
Shadow_Phantom 26
How is this cute? For all you know, OP could have a phobia of having kids. -- As for the OP... now you know to hide your pills from her. FYL
cranker08 10
You guys know nothing about her.. Like everyone else I'm assuming. op is probably old enough to have kids.. And her mom is probably eager to have one
Ameel_fml 19
"You guys know nothing about her.. Like everyone else I'm assuming. op is probably old enough to have kids.. And her mom is probably eager to have one" On what planet is that an acceptable reason for any mother to swap their daughter's pills without their knowledge or consent? Regardless of how old the OP is, NOBODY has any right to go behind her back to "trick" her into getting pregnant and having children. And quite frankly, I find it downright horrifying that there are people who find it "cute" or acceptable behavior.
Jaxx66 21
You're right 49, we do know nothing about her. She could be terrible with children, hate children, be on other medication at the moment and can't have children for fear of them screwing with the unborn baby. Could be in between work, not in a positive relationship, no way of taking care of the child as of now. A medical problem that includes planning or her body will reject the child as a foreign body. (like mine). The list goes on.
kdog333 1
49- i dont think any of us were assuming anything until you came along.
Harpy20 24
Your mother is a selfish ****.
savage93 11
At least u caught her. Imagine if u wouldnt have
CharresBarkrey 15
Even if she didn't catch her, she would know the difference between birth control pills and tic-tacs.
savage93 11
Ay i dont how bright this is
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
15 she might realise the difference but her mum could have hidden the pills after she switched them. Therefore OP would still be screwed.