Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/2/2013 20:58 - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

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Insane parents

Who's a good boy?

Noise

By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 07:54 - United States

Dirty talk

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

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By livin - 11/9/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

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By angkal2002 - 22/11/2014 03:29 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 17:00

Marriage (Dress) Story

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

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By impatient amy - 27/1/2009 14:23 - Ireland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

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By CatLady - 6/1/2014 19:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

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By Paul - 2/5/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

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By failure as a parent - 11/5/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

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By bluewinter - 23/5/2009 10:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

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By GrossLump - 27/5/2019 16:09

Today, I was swimming at the beach. At the end of the day, I felt a huge hard lump in between my toes. When I looked closer and pushed on it, it sounded and felt exactly like a bean bag. I had a blister from the day before and it had filled with sand. I had to cut it open to pour the sand out. FML

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By annonymous - 28/2/2010 06:31 - France

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

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By Tom - 1/11/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML

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By fucking har har, dad - 5/10/2012 23:38 - Australia

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

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By marmarr - 15/5/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said "turn around" it was her. FML

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By Jen__ - 22/3/2014 07:18 - Canada - Kitimat

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2014 12:34 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2018 20:30

Today, at 9 o’clock in the morning while I was working, I made the mistake of being comfortable with a machine that literally bends and breaks steel bars. I lost my entire middle finger and the top third of my pinky and ring fingers. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 10:52 - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2011 18:36 - United States

Today, I am taking a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML

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By Julie - 31/3/2009 01:43 - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

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By drunkfacebookuser - 23/10/2010 13:15 - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

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By asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

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By awkwardd - 19/5/2011 12:51 - Hong Kong

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML

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By ChaoticGamer - 23/12/2015 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 20:08

Really close

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

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By confusedbutloved - 8/7/2012 12:42 - United States - North Easton

Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2018 06:00

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

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By RENThead - 13/9/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

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By Shianna - 28/5/2012 22:00 - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

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By no snow day - 5/2/2014 14:07 - United States - Round Lake

Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML

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By lolu - 10/10/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 05:00

Yeet it

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2012 13:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

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By grounded - 3/1/2010 16:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

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By roughsexgonewrong - 5/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

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Top comments

By jsprackman | 11

#5364090 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

If it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch then it wouldnt be so bad...

By skip_m | 6

#5364102 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

Step 1: Stop texting about this problem on your phone. Step 2: Go put on some clothes.....

COMMENTS

By jsprackman | 11

#5364090 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

If it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch then it wouldnt be so bad...

Reply

leadawg75 | 12

#5364115 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:19

What?! I'm lost?

Reply

newbiehere99 | 6

#5364137 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:27

But ... if it was Cap N' Crunch, OP has my deepest sympathy ...

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#5364141 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:28

That sucks OP . I hope things get better for you. But I'm glad you are able to keep your humor:) I like the way you wrote the fml!

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5364156 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:35

Well nobody's going to steal your Lucky Charms now.

Reply

newbiehere99 | 6

#5364164 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:41

Did I miss the humor in this FML? O.o

Reply

Teyros | 24

#5364199 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:05

Looks like he got more than Honey on his combs.

Reply

laya_fml | 26

#5364206 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:09

Don't fall for this FML. OP could be full of Trix.

Reply

thibodaux17 | 5

#5364325 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:40

30- dumbass not all FMLs are funny. Hence Fuck My Life..

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5364334 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:47

bet many coco pulls spilled everywhere

Reply

supportcommand | 17

#5364365 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 4:10

Ops plain mini wheats are now frosted.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5364487 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:34

coco puffs are spilled

Reply

zombieslayer83 | 19

#5364604 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 7:27

I bet It's Cookie Crisp in there!

Reply

marquellauhrig | 10

#5364612 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 7:39

Who cares about cinnamon toast crunch... Wtf!

Reply

finnrambo | 13

#5364670 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 8:43

29- don't think he had any lucky charms to begin with seeing as his roof collapsed

Reply

SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364834 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:51

I have never craved cereal more in my life except the last time I wanted to eat cereal I got up at 3am to do it. :P (about 5min ago)

Reply

vocaloidtiger | 12

#5365336 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 20:43

86 ~ Just give up now.

Reply

Bo_Bexy | 5

#5366559 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 17:54

NO NOW EVERYONE CAN! alls they have to do is go spelunking down into his wide open living room.

Reply

counterfit | 10

#5367305 - Thursday 14 February 2013 8:46

This is how they make Frosted Flakes. True story.

Reply

decidedlyvague | 11

#5368380 - Friday 15 February 2013 5:23

At least they weren't Cheetos. Those things are dangerously cheesy.

By Meshidaru_fml | 7

#5364091 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

Reply

Smashhoof | 15

#5364205 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:09

Shingle cracks, shingle cracks...

Reply

mb2_native | 15

#5364221 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:22

It falls onto your heaad.
*probably a fail but a tried*

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5364511 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:51

I thought it was good 46...

Reply

MuseFan1991 | 14

#5364857 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 12:14

you're the only one.

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#5365161 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 17:54

Dear 91: I didn't get it but I think it is so sweet that you explicitly stood up for 46 :)

By EsOSiQueEs | 14

#5364093 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

Did u at least get to finish your cereal OP? Best of luck with that man. ):

Reply

Harpy20 | 24

#5365252 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 19:17

Wasn't sure what I was getting myself into after I saw 24 inches...

Reply

EsOSiQueEs | 14

#5365563 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 23:46

I'm not sure why the hell I typed "u". My keyboard keeps spazzing out. You**

By obnum | 19

#5364094 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:15

Just thinking about it makes me cold...

Reply

biggestfan23 | 11

#5364255 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:43

I live in Connecticut. All the newscasters and the governor told everybody to get there snow off the roof because of the rain. I'm sure they said the same for Mass. so I might have to say ydi on this one

Reply

no_lungs | 16

#5364290 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:09

they did tell everone in mass to do the same but clearly OP had more pressing matters at hand like what cereal to eat

Reply

Lionesse | 15

#5364483 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:32

Hey, sometimes Cereal is so good you get into it. Then you forget to you know, prepare for inconvenient weather.

Reply

priceyfml | 7

#5365195 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 18:40

I love in MA and I had to get all the snow off my roof

By Bigdanish9785 | 3

#5364095 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:15

That snowstorm was brutal, I had easily 3 feet in my driveway.

Reply

spekledworf | 18

#5364186 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:57

I hear you, I live in the snow belt along 95

Reply

Michael_92 | 20

#5364210 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:13

It was pretty bad here too in Northern Michigan. Coming home yesterday the roads were just ice. I touched the gas and it just skid. Worst I have drove in all year.

Reply

ohcoolstorybro | 14

#5364270 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:54

My car was under 8 feet because the wind blew all the snow onto it

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5364349 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:58

Yea I feel ya. This morning I woke up and it was 58. I mean WTF that's cold around here.

Reply

BradyT918 | 9

#5364626 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 7:58

Haha. It's been around 20 degrees where I live. Which is 45-50 degrees warmer then it has been in the past month.

Reply

bfsd42 | 20

#5365457 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 22:45

It's pretty cold here in San Diego too. I mean, I had to wear long pants and a sweater to stay warm yesterday.

Reply

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5365683 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 1:04

I live in Northern MI, Too. I worked a 3rd shift that night. Slipped on the way out to my car, got stuck in the driveway at work, shoveled out the driveway just to have to push the car into the driveway because of the ice. worst day ever.

By SRU_Toronto | 5

#5364098 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:15

shitttt hope ur okay

By ProjectN69 | 12

#5364099 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Reply

eddeeezzyy | 19

#5364120 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:20

Ain't nobody got time for what, exactly?

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#5364129 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:23

I have no time for stupid, meaningless comments.

Reply

ProjectN69 | 12

#5364466 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:22

@eddeeezzy Ain't nobody got time to clean up a pile of icy snow in their living room, that's what.

Reply

FireNinja | 3

#5364519 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 6:06

I see what you did there. "Ain't nobody got time for that" by miss brown... Lol, classic, those who thumb it down are idiots .

Reply

hannaaaahr | 33

#5364628 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 8:02

I'm sure pretty much everyone got what 7 'did there', it just didn't really seem like a comment that corresponded with the FML

Reply

klutz44 | 28

#5364745 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 9:27

And that phrase is (sadly) so overused.

Reply

ProjectN69 | 12

#5364925 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 14:02

By mystical11 | 4

#5364100 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

That sucks OP, roof collapse is an expensive replacement, I hope you had insurance. Best of luck to ya and hope you got a place to stay while your roof is replaced.

Reply

rockbandaddict85 | 22

#5364776 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 10:17

mayhem at it again! can't take him anywhere!

By skip_m | 6

#5364102 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

Step 1: Stop texting about this problem on your phone. Step 2: Go put on some clothes.....

Reply

SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364416 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 4:46

Because? You start eating cereal in your underwear, you finish eating cereal in your underwear.

Reply

greenie213 | 23

#5364420 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 4:47

Step 1: Use capitalization.
Step 2: Use punctuation.

By happle | 21

#5364103 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

I don't suppose the heater will be much good right now...