Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

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Summertime sadness

It's the thought that counts

Craft beer bores

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

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By Cake Dreams

Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML

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By fml1977 - United States

Honest

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

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By - United States - Augusta

Today, My girlfriend dumped me because of a game... No that because I was playing the game... Cause she got addicted to a game and decided that the game was more important than our relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

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By Jay - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML

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By Blanerd - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

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By unknown - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were in my basement. I play drums and guitar very well. My girlfriend bet me $50 that she could play better than me. I made the bet, but what I didn't know was that she had been taking both drum and guitar lessons since she was 5. I just lost $50. FML

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By nenette - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

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By Vlad

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

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By thehumanshield - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

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By yeah why not - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

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By Trist

Well shit.

Today, after moving 1,400 miles across the country, quitting my full-time job, and selling most of my furniture to attend flight school, I got a call a month before my start date saying that they are closing my location. FML

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By lauren - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

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By Jordan - 12/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Herndon

Luck of the draw

Today, I waited 3 hours and paid $360 to have a routine tuneup done on my old car. As I pulled into my driveway, about to turn off the engine, one of my headlights blew. FML

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By Jules - 29/10/2020 02:03 - Germany - Aachen

Modernity

Today, my health insurance has finally gone digital, so I sent them a message through their webpage, asking a question. I then got an email, telling me they'd replied. I had to log into their webpage again to see the reply, which read, "A letter concerning your question has been sent to you by post." FML

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By xXMudkipNoobXx - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

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By StretchNuts - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

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By lyssanthamum - United States

Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was an accident. FML

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By justfriends - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It's okay, though; she says we can still go on the vacation I planned next month for our 3 year anniversary, just "as friends." The tickets are non-refundable. FML

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By onehitwonder

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

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By bigdikbubls - 1/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Naps are important

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

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By poor guy - 13/3/2020 05:16 - United States

Good deed, but still…

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

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By anon - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Family Fortunes

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

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By Enanimus - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

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By lonely - United States

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

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By sendhelp - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

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By miji

Today, for the fifth time in a row, my parents tried to discuss my pooping habits with me at the dinner table. This time, we had guests. FML

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By Mark - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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By crapped on - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

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By "Brittney Anderson"

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

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Top comments

By jsprackman | 11

#5364090 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

If it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch then it wouldnt be so bad...

By skip_m | 6

#5364102 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

Step 1: Stop texting about this problem on your phone. Step 2: Go put on some clothes.....

COMMENTS

By jsprackman | 11

#5364090 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

If it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch then it wouldnt be so bad...

Reply

leadawg75 | 12

#5364115 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:19

What?! I'm lost?

Reply

newbiehere99 | 6

#5364137 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:27

But ... if it was Cap N' Crunch, OP has my deepest sympathy ...

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#5364141 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:28

That sucks OP . I hope things get better for you. But I'm glad you are able to keep your humor:) I like the way you wrote the fml!

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5364156 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:35

Well nobody's going to steal your Lucky Charms now.

Reply

newbiehere99 | 6

#5364164 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:41

Did I miss the humor in this FML? O.o

Reply

Teyros | 24

#5364199 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:05

Looks like he got more than Honey on his combs.

Reply

laya_fml | 26

#5364206 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:09

Don't fall for this FML. OP could be full of Trix.

Reply

thibodaux17 | 5

#5364325 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:40

30- dumbass not all FMLs are funny. Hence Fuck My Life..

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5364334 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:47

bet many coco pulls spilled everywhere

Reply

supportcommand | 17

#5364365 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 4:10

Ops plain mini wheats are now frosted.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5364487 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:34

coco puffs are spilled

Reply

zombieslayer83 | 19

#5364604 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 7:27

I bet It's Cookie Crisp in there!

Reply

marquellauhrig | 10

#5364612 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 7:39

Who cares about cinnamon toast crunch... Wtf!

Reply

finnrambo | 13

#5364670 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 8:43

29- don't think he had any lucky charms to begin with seeing as his roof collapsed

Reply

SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364834 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:51

I have never craved cereal more in my life except the last time I wanted to eat cereal I got up at 3am to do it. :P (about 5min ago)

Reply

vocaloidtiger | 12

#5365336 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 20:43

86 ~ Just give up now.

Reply

Bo_Bexy | 5

#5366559 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 17:54

NO NOW EVERYONE CAN! alls they have to do is go spelunking down into his wide open living room.

Reply

counterfit | 10

#5367305 - Thursday 14 February 2013 8:46

This is how they make Frosted Flakes. True story.

Reply

decidedlyvague | 11

#5368380 - Friday 15 February 2013 5:23

At least they weren't Cheetos. Those things are dangerously cheesy.

By Meshidaru_fml | 7

#5364091 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

Reply

Smashhoof | 15

#5364205 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:09

Shingle cracks, shingle cracks...

Reply

mb2_native | 15

#5364221 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:22

It falls onto your heaad.
*probably a fail but a tried*

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5364511 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:51

I thought it was good 46...

Reply

MuseFan1991 | 14

#5364857 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 12:14

you're the only one.

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#5365161 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 17:54

Dear 91: I didn't get it but I think it is so sweet that you explicitly stood up for 46 :)

By EsOSiQueEs | 14

#5364093 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:14

Did u at least get to finish your cereal OP? Best of luck with that man. ):

Reply

Harpy20 | 24

#5365252 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 19:17

Wasn't sure what I was getting myself into after I saw 24 inches...

Reply

EsOSiQueEs | 14

#5365563 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 23:46

I'm not sure why the hell I typed "u". My keyboard keeps spazzing out. You**

By obnum | 19

#5364094 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:15

Just thinking about it makes me cold...

Reply

biggestfan23 | 11

#5364255 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:43

I live in Connecticut. All the newscasters and the governor told everybody to get there snow off the roof because of the rain. I'm sure they said the same for Mass. so I might have to say ydi on this one

Reply

no_lungs | 16

#5364290 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:09

they did tell everone in mass to do the same but clearly OP had more pressing matters at hand like what cereal to eat

Reply

Lionesse | 15

#5364483 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:32

Hey, sometimes Cereal is so good you get into it. Then you forget to you know, prepare for inconvenient weather.

Reply

priceyfml | 7

#5365195 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 18:40

I love in MA and I had to get all the snow off my roof

By Bigdanish9785 | 3

#5364095 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:15

That snowstorm was brutal, I had easily 3 feet in my driveway.

Reply

spekledworf | 18

#5364186 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:57

I hear you, I live in the snow belt along 95

Reply

Michael_92 | 20

#5364210 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:13

It was pretty bad here too in Northern Michigan. Coming home yesterday the roads were just ice. I touched the gas and it just skid. Worst I have drove in all year.

Reply

ohcoolstorybro | 14

#5364270 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 2:54

My car was under 8 feet because the wind blew all the snow onto it

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5364349 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 3:58

Yea I feel ya. This morning I woke up and it was 58. I mean WTF that's cold around here.

Reply

BradyT918 | 9

#5364626 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 7:58

Haha. It's been around 20 degrees where I live. Which is 45-50 degrees warmer then it has been in the past month.

Reply

bfsd42 | 20

#5365457 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 22:45

It's pretty cold here in San Diego too. I mean, I had to wear long pants and a sweater to stay warm yesterday.

Reply

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5365683 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 1:04

I live in Northern MI, Too. I worked a 3rd shift that night. Slipped on the way out to my car, got stuck in the driveway at work, shoveled out the driveway just to have to push the car into the driveway because of the ice. worst day ever.

By SRU_Toronto | 5

#5364098 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:15

shitttt hope ur okay

By ProjectN69 | 12

#5364099 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Reply

eddeeezzyy | 19

#5364120 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:20

Ain't nobody got time for what, exactly?

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#5364129 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:23

I have no time for stupid, meaningless comments.

Reply

ProjectN69 | 12

#5364466 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 5:22

@eddeeezzy Ain't nobody got time to clean up a pile of icy snow in their living room, that's what.

Reply

FireNinja | 3

#5364519 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 6:06

I see what you did there. "Ain't nobody got time for that" by miss brown... Lol, classic, those who thumb it down are idiots .

Reply

hannaaaahr | 33

#5364628 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 8:02

I'm sure pretty much everyone got what 7 'did there', it just didn't really seem like a comment that corresponded with the FML

Reply

klutz44 | 28

#5364745 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 9:27

And that phrase is (sadly) so overused.

Reply

ProjectN69 | 12

#5364925 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 14:02

By mystical11 | 4

#5364100 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

That sucks OP, roof collapse is an expensive replacement, I hope you had insurance. Best of luck to ya and hope you got a place to stay while your roof is replaced.

Reply

rockbandaddict85 | 22

#5364776 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 10:17

mayhem at it again! can't take him anywhere!

By skip_m | 6

#5364102 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

Step 1: Stop texting about this problem on your phone. Step 2: Go put on some clothes.....

Reply

SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364416 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 4:46

Because? You start eating cereal in your underwear, you finish eating cereal in your underwear.

Reply

greenie213 | 23

#5364420 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 4:47

Step 1: Use capitalization.
Step 2: Use punctuation.

By happle | 21

#5364103 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 1:16

I don't suppose the heater will be much good right now...