By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

He's still got it

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1577

You deserved it

125

Favorite

White line fever

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Tidy your room

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25402

You deserved it

4620

Favorite

By thatguythere858 - 13/8/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31297

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25904

You deserved it

11894

Favorite

By frustrated - 1/6/2009 07:06 - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55891

You deserved it

5894

Favorite

By CHStennis_4 - 3/9/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41172

You deserved it

3845

Favorite

By DLS - 18/2/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, I realised I know the map on World of Warcraft better than the map of my own country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10213

You deserved it

44660

Favorite

By SoSoRachel - 31/10/2012 21:03 - United States - Dunlap

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27245

You deserved it

1856

Favorite

By Mothering - 11/7/2011 09:25 - Australia

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35042

You deserved it

12526

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/2/2017 19:00 - United States - Shreveport

Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5674

You deserved it

1956

Favorite

By lameows - 4/4/2015 01:57 - United States

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35199

You deserved it

4338

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2012 23:08 - United States - Merrillville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30728

You deserved it

5828

Favorite

By She totally did not cheat - 15/8/2018 22:00

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3134

You deserved it

234

Favorite

By Tanisha Skye Regeling - 11/6/2020 23:02

Night terrors

Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1238

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By awwman - 10/4/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28234

You deserved it

2930

Favorite

By meohmy - 31/3/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38745

You deserved it

6001

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2010 23:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31094

You deserved it

3103

Favorite

By gooddeedgonebad - 26/5/2013 09:19 - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58743

You deserved it

3209

Favorite

By --- - 6/7/2015 20:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25473

You deserved it

12806

Favorite

By Farah - 26/9/2016 14:42 - Bangladesh

Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10749

You deserved it

774

Favorite

By Username - 10/7/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27091

You deserved it

9343

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/3/2014 03:46 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45660

You deserved it

21821

Favorite

By Buzzie - 2/9/2010 21:09 - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32329

You deserved it

14241

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2013 20:01 - United States - Danbury

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33496

You deserved it

5080

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/5/2012 11:29 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24050

You deserved it

2529

Favorite

By Alex - 1/3/2019 16:00

Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1884

You deserved it

593

Favorite

By gloomy - 15/8/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4613

You deserved it

752

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2012 02:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27524

You deserved it

2494

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 14:00

Sharing is caring

Today, nine months after changing my entire life when my father had a stroke and I became his carer full time, I called my sister to talk about some his irrational behavior. All I got in response was, "I just watched a sad movie, I can't deal with this right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1677

You deserved it

Favorite

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42216

You deserved it

4214

Favorite

By blah - 19/1/2016 20:53 - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20459

You deserved it

3477

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 17:00

Eat the rich

Today, at work, I found out that they are taking all bonus pay away, but giving us an extra $1 an hour due to Covid-19. Last week, they laid off half my department. Those people laid off are making more money on unemployment than I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1716

You deserved it

Favorite

By samboob - 1/9/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9081

You deserved it

44351

Favorite

By anonymous - 29/8/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31401

You deserved it

2462

Favorite

By ulrika - 24/7/2016 01:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18779

You deserved it

4098

Favorite

By newmother - 5/12/2010 13:38 - Australia

Today, I went into labor with my first child, and as much as I pleaded, I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75025

You deserved it

11815

Favorite

By acnebutt - 27/8/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29514

You deserved it

5395

Favorite

By fucktelstra - 17/3/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21441

You deserved it

1382

Favorite

By NowHomeless - 31/8/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28657

You deserved it

3270

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/6/2014 13:56 - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41815

You deserved it

6234

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 00:01

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1329

You deserved it

490

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7854159 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:57

Never go to parties with your parents. That's just asking for trouble.

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7854155 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:22

flashed or mooned??

Comments

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7854155 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:22

flashed or mooned??

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7854159 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:57

Never go to parties with your parents. That's just asking for trouble.

mfranks19891989 | 10

#7854283 - Saturday 26 October 2019 14:47

I going to assume the party was at the house and if she still lives at home then the parents are automatically invited.