By Anonymous

He's still got it

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

126

Favorite

Relationships sink

Not now, mom!

Vibe check

By veevee - Australia

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9776

You deserved it

52999

Favorite

By Dontsitsitandyoudie - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4024

You deserved it

376

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By Anonymous - Ghana

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45512

You deserved it

3482

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By sadsexer23 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28552

You deserved it

6599

Favorite

By Anonymous - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25284

You deserved it

7719

Favorite

By toametru1 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12076

You deserved it

8869

Favorite

By thxmom - United States - West Jordan

Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32634

You deserved it

2392

Favorite

By zaynemaliksvagina - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30278

You deserved it

1872

Favorite

By MineAlwaysTouching

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3344

You deserved it

1744

Favorite

By danielle887 - United States

Today, I decided to pay a surprise visit to my family after I got some work leave. I drove over and knocked on the door, and a young couple answered. Apparently, my entire family decided to move to Texas, and didn't bother to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43839

You deserved it

3364

Favorite

By XYZee - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27837

You deserved it

1990

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24419

You deserved it

39217

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By shit - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29114

You deserved it

1892

Favorite

By Kayak - United Kingdom

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44373

You deserved it

4461

Favorite

By Display - France - Paris

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25019

You deserved it

7193

Favorite

By James - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42374

You deserved it

3093

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56921

You deserved it

3827

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30546

You deserved it

9905

Favorite

By greg76 - France

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23982

You deserved it

9986

Favorite

By light_talker - United States

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23396

You deserved it

17956

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

19186

You deserved it

3930

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19908

You deserved it

24886

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 01:00

Second time

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1900

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35600

You deserved it

9765

Favorite

By Her - Canada - Montr?al

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12853

You deserved it

1170

Favorite

By Lio - France

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to my new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21029

You deserved it

41695

Favorite

By SaraSkyWolf

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2750

You deserved it

1237

Favorite

By c - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28985

You deserved it

1748

Favorite

By Just a joke - 2/11/2020 05:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

No jokes allowed

Today, my boyfriend called my mother stupid and angrily argued with her at a family dinner. Why? We have a long-running family joke that "vegan food doesn't contain calories", and my boyfriend thought my mum said it seriously and was therefore a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

174

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By heaventlyassbutt - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10906

You deserved it

985

Favorite

By fmyhabit - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23792

You deserved it

57232

Favorite

By StephiLynn - United States - Hibbing

Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13973

You deserved it

1171

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31711

You deserved it

5918

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4651

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26537

You deserved it

2764

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By Jodie - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11873

You deserved it

50113

Favorite

By projectfain - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47793

You deserved it

3182

Favorite

By shewantsmedead

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7954

You deserved it

548

Favorite

By fatass - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39857

You deserved it

7495

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fpo

Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32593

You deserved it

6790

Favorite

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7854159 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:57

Never go to parties with your parents. That's just asking for trouble.

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7854155 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:22

flashed or mooned??

COMMENTS

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7854155 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:22

flashed or mooned??

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7854159 - Saturday 26 October 2019 2:57

Never go to parties with your parents. That's just asking for trouble.

mfranks19891989 | 10

#7854283 - Saturday 26 October 2019 14:47

I going to assume the party was at the house and if she still lives at home then the parents are automatically invited.