By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 08:00

No thanks, mom

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

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Instadrama

Cold-blooded old times

Live dumping

By bruh - 28/3/2017 20:00

Unexpected

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

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By anonymous - 2/11/2014 04:51 - United States - Vacaville

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

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By Craig Thompson - 20/4/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

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By derranged - 22/4/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

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By cchandler - 23/9/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

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By litup - 4/7/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

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By me - 4/11/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

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By annabellatrix - 14/9/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

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By shocked - 12/10/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 04:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

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By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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By santasadiekins - 17/8/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

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By brob56 - 23/4/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

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By Unfortunate - 8/10/2012 00:24 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

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By dhskkf - 28/8/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

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By Yum - 3/12/2008 07:26 - France

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

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By spinner - 1/9/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I received a marriage proposal at work from a 70 year old man covered in dirt from head to toe, who offered to be my "sugar daddy." I guess I have options after all. FML

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By bosslady - 30/6/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

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By KJS - 10/3/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

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By Hate2Date - 5/4/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

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By twoface_chick - 15/1/2015 07:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

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By lifeguard down - 1/8/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By ToxicSuicide - 8/3/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

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By mysea8679 - 12/6/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 01:15 - United States

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 16:43 - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

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By unitywoods - 27/3/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

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By Julia - 4/10/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

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By Alice - 24/10/2012 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

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By brittholzworth - 27/6/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

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By leonieNL - 12/8/2010 14:50 - Netherlands

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

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By drugdealersgf - 2/12/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

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By Davios - 27/12/2010 20:48 - United States

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

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By zoearcu - 17/4/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

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By zzfreakshow - 15/10/2013 00:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

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Top comments

By demix_fml | 32

#7895996 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 20:27

I want to know why people think this person deserves it?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7895858 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 8:15

Hey, your sister is going to need a niece that's about her age.

Get in touch with that pregnant 15-year-old from a few days ago -- she knows 2 guys who failed to get her pregnant. They'll probably want to help you.

Comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7895858 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 8:15

Hey, your sister is going to need a niece that's about her age.

Get in touch with that pregnant 15-year-old from a few days ago -- she knows 2 guys who failed to get her pregnant. They'll probably want to help you.

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7895935 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 16:41

The ultimate bonding experience.

By Kraths | 8

#7895972 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 18:38

Fairly certain that involves statutory.

By demix_fml | 32

#7895996 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 20:27

I want to know why people think this person deserves it?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7896042 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 23:23

If you get pregnant by the same guy, you’ll be even closer of buddies!

By Dale Gulley | 8

#7896083 - Thursday 9 April 2020 3:55

It’s a trap!

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7896097 - Thursday 9 April 2020 6:06

Hope OP isn't a guy; just sayin'