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By RePete - 04/11/2016 01:44

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 402

You deserved it 671

Great timing

By Carrie - 08/05/2013 05:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 713

You deserved it 7 227

Good sport

By whatthef - 02/11/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty five year-old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend, saying ,"I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 770

You deserved it 3 021

By kay131 - 09/09/2015 22:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I drove to school and arrived early to find a parking spot. I found one close to the school, checked the signs, and thought, "Street cleaning is Wednesday. It's okay to park here since it's Tuesday." Being thrown off a day by Labor Day on Monday, I came back to a ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 592

You deserved it 7 613

kay131 tells us more.

kay131 12

Friday 11 September 2015 1:32

Thanks for all the sympathies. This is my first FML to get published so I'm super happy. It's my first week back at school in four years. I received my bachelors and started working full time. I've had the luxury of parking in a parking lot all this time. I actually live in New York City so street parking is extremely difficult to find. I should have known better when I saw such a close spot to the school. #17 is completely correct. I was so convinced that it was Tuesday that I didn't even think to double check the date but I've learned my lesson now. I'm going to suck it up and pay it. I'm shaking my own head because it's such a silly reason to get a ticket.

By bigjohn106 - 17/07/2011 12:34 - United States

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 733

You deserved it 3 221

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years, with whom I was hoping to have a future, to talk to him about it, all he said was, "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 187

You deserved it 7 400

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 21:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss called me to say that I've been slow at work this week and that I will be replaced if I don't pick up the pace. That would be understandable, if I didn't have a broken ankle and pneumonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 172

You deserved it 1 634

By Modeon123 - 20/10/2016 10:11 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 500

You deserved it 1 174

By Why - 03/09/2015 19:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 014

You deserved it 1 852

By waste of effort - 15/05/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 224

You deserved it 3 756

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 298

By Ouchie - 07/10/2016 12:51 - Ireland - Celbridge

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 962

You deserved it 1 342

What a wuss

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 342

By NocturnalFox - 25/08/2015 19:46 - Czech Republic - Plzen

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 2 211

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 438

You deserved it 3 872

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 876

You deserved it 2 528

GET UP

By hottygirl905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 808

You deserved it 2 351

By gottalovefriends - 23/04/2012 04:04 - United States - Atkinson

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 999

You deserved it 4 922

By engaged - 29/03/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "Yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were then escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot." I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114 116

You deserved it 24 239

Reveal

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 185

You deserved it 18 278

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 08:00 - United States - Temecula

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 006

You deserved it 6 011

Don't listen to him

By CaoNiMa - 26/03/2009 15:42 - China

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were watching a movie in my basement. I ran upstairs and popped a bag of popcorn. Later I came downstairs to find my 10 year-old brother sitting next to my girlfriend, saying, "My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 74 935

By Anonymous - 30/09/2017 13:00

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 620

You deserved it 218

By Truan - 25/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 198

Truan_fml tells us more.

Truan_fml 0

Friday 27 March 2009 2:09

OP here I'll clear a few things. First off, no I'm not that dude who got a comment from his girl's grandfather. Although that would be great, it's not me. Second...as for our inability to do it...well I didn't have a clear view. and I couldn't get a good grip on the ball because I fingerbanged her prior, so my hand was...well you get it her hands were lubed up, so same problem. I couldn't see them well enough to unhook them, and she couldn't do a damn thing with them either. It took about 5 minutes before we decided to call anyone. My brother and dad weren't in the house, and obviously if I called a friend, my mom would have to show them in I got the tongue ring for my 18th birthday (2 weeks ago), so obviously moving out isn't going to be an instant thing. Oh and my mom's a nurse, so she just looked at us both staring at her awkwardly, laughed, and undid it. We haven't spoke about it since. Honestly, I think it's pretty funny. What's really funny is those of you idiots who don't understand the exhilaration of a piercing.